America's Top Model
 

I loved where the Judge said "Is your objection to nudity a religious thing?" and the ditz answered "No, I'm just trying to be more Christlike."

I also loved the ditz saying "Well, if ssomeone else sees my private areas, its not special to my husband anymore." Hey, honey, here's a message from God - what you've got down there ain't that special. About 2 billion other folks have it, so get over yourself. Oh, and yours aren't the only private areas your husband's seen.

I'd have kicked that portly hick out the window faster than that bithcy super-queen photgrapher could sneer "fabulous" at a naked male model.

Two Things
 

Hey, thanks. Or, not.

Because we'll eventually need something else to talk about today, I give you the Top Six Words or Phrases that Immediately Out You as a Lawyer or Former Lawyer if Used in Normal Conversation.*
[list=1][*]"accordingly"[*]"moreover"[*]"indicated" (when used in place of "said" or "meant")[*]"inapposite"[*]"document" (when applied to any individual piece of paper)[*]"dispositive"[/list=1]

*Excluding the obvious ones that can only ever be used in a legal context, like "fact pattern" and "inter alia."

Two things
 

Congratulations. Now do the smart thing and bag the pomp & circumstance and have small wedding on an island.

Two Things
 

Congratulations, Princess. May your future be long and happy.

Two Things
 

See, now, that is really sweet. A friend of mine once called Maryland "Virginia's Canada," and I reckon he was right.

Of course, that means that somewhere out there there's a Maryland's Gwinky, which is a distressing and strangely intriguing thought.

Two Things
 

Intrigued by a crab-flavored slut?

Two Things
 

Old-bay flavored slut rolls off the tongue a bit more, shall we say, tastily.

Two Things
 

How could "inasmuch" be left off?

Zeke
 

You're either drunk, retarded (or both) if you think Billups could ever put up those numbers. I don't care what team he's on. McGrady is the team because he has to be. Billups doesn't even have the option. And let me reiterate, McGrady averages more assists than your precious point guard. Assists are how we judge the performance of point guards.

You are not really saying this. You can't be. The two players aren't even comparable. My point when I put that list up was that the players chosen before McGrady aren't even in his class now. You can argue Van Horn because he scores a bunch, but everyone knows he can't carry McGrady's jock. Just answer this, and I'll know whether you're worth wasting my time on in future sports discussions: If you could trade Billups for McGrady, straight up, would you? If you would, picking Billups before McGrady is (listen closely) a horrible decision. If you wouldn't, I bet you wear a helmet every time you leave your house.

You're right. I'd rather have John Stockton than Michael Jordan any day. Hell, BJ Armstrong, John Paxson, Bill Cartwright and Stacy King carried those Bulls team all those years.

No. I'm giving you shit because what you say is stupid.

TM

Two things
 

This isn't Vietnam. Mmmmmmm, rice noodles with special barbecued meat.

Two Things
 

Don't forget

"I didn't say X, rather I said [what to anybody else would be an almost imperceptibly different] variant of X,"

and its cousin,

"I wouldn't go so far as to say Y, rather I would say [some pussy footed ass covering] variant of Y."

Off-topic (i.e., not about sports)
 

It wasn't just the parenting issues. It was the severed arm issue originally posted by Atticus several days before the NWN posts. It been discussed literally ad nauseum and a concensus reached along the lines of "yeah, they probably should have told the parents in advance." NWN's post, in earnest IRAC format, was just tooo 3 days ago to be acceptable. He may as well have been discussing Paula Cole.

Two Things
 

Yeah, but now you're getting into locution. And that's easy to spot without slight distinctions imperceptible to the non-lawyer.

A surgeon I recently dealt with walked into the room, and before I even opened my mouth said "you're a lawyer, aren't you." I asked him to explain, and he said he guessed based on Vitamin D deficiency. Which locution of course allowed me to identify him as a doctor.

Two Things
 

Now wait just a minute.

Reading between the lines here, I get the impression that Atticus thinks I am Not Nice and therefore somewhat un-Canadian.

Who was the first to congratulate the betrothed? that's right, me.

And Canadians are generally "reserved", which means they are keeping the snarky things they think about you to themselves. It doesn't mean they are nice as a rule. "Reserved" does not equal "nice".*

*except underneath all that frosty reservation. Deep down generally speaking we are pretty good-hearted people.

Two Things
 

Screw you. That Canadian enough for ya?
Our sluts are crab flavored, rather than maple.

Edited to add: damnit! I had already typed it and I got a phone call!
Edited again to add: Screw you too, Burger.