Mother's Day
 

While you're back in last week, can you tell me where I left my camera?

Plasticosity
 

The fake ones look great, particularly with age, but the natural ones feel better.

Uncle Paulie @ Howard Stern
 

You are outing yourself by revealing you grew up in Canada or Britain or some other freaky-ass place.

And more than one penis in me at one time is just not on.

Mother's Day
 

W-A-T-E-R

Mother's Day
 

Whiff of the century.

Mother's Day
 

The post after yours reveals that SS was touching the earth while you were spelling water. Now, who's the dumbass -- the blind deaf dumb person, or the sighted hearing speaking person who can't tell dirt from water?

Uncle Paulie @ Howard Stern
 

So to speak.

ETA: Damnit, Notbob.

Okay, how about this instead: I bet that's the first time you've used those words in sentence.

TM

Uncle Paulie @ Howard Stern
 

cite, please?

Mother's Day
 

It couldn't have been an intentional whiff, unless you're really that unfunny.

And I've decided to abandon "Keller'd" completely in favor of the following response to all future whiffs:

I bet you sure play a mean pinball.

TM

Movie Quote
 

If you specified what help you needed, you might have better luck. The quote is from the Judd Nelson classic "Making the Grade". First Guy is Judd Nelson, Second Guy is the gym teacher/house proctor at the boarding school.

Judd Nelson plays a poor kid hired by a lazy rich kid to attend prep school for him so that lazy rich kid can get a diploma and therefore get his inheritance. Poor kid attends school. Wacky hijinks ensue.

Uncle Paulie @ Howard Stern
 

Just because that's a sentence you've never heard, whether from me or from anyone else, does not mean I've never used those words in a sentence.

Right Slave? Less? Other FB sluts?

Uncle Paulie @ Howard Stern
 

The British way is to put the quotation marks before the punctuation mark, and the American way is to put them after the punctuation mark. When I see it in print (like, in a book or newspaper) I like the American way better, but when I'm typing my own things, I like it the British way. This is an instance where there is no right or wrong answer (unless, of course, a possibility of confusion exists.)


Given my helpful nature, and that I am a veritable font of grammar and usage information, I am hopeful that all of you will endeavor to follow grammar, usage and punctuation rules, so as to avoid causing me undue distress, which could have the (I flatter myself) nasty effect of an inability to read the oh-so-diverting things you heathens post.

Thank you.

Uncle Paulie @ Howard Stern
 

Fuck you wanker. Just b/c you've been thrown under a lorry one too many times and have a cactus stuck up your minge doesn't mean you can go all sixes and sevens on us.

Blimey. Who is this slapper? Someone should give her a punch in the fanny.

Uncle Paulie @ Howard Stern
 

Oooh. Damn. Good one.

I guess "There is no way you're putting that in here," counts, hunh?*

TM

* Purposefully threw this softball because the board is so dead.

Uncle Paulie @ Howard Stern
 

Were you a prison guard?

Uncle Paulie @ Howard Stern
 

?

Mother's Day
 

Was that a reference to musical from a band of the caucasian persuasion which does not feature eminem?

Uncle Paulie @ Howard Stern
 

It's literally inches away but figuratively miles away...

Uncle Paulie @ Howard Stern
 

That's slang for us "in-crowd" types.

Mother's Day
 

his mentor taught him that.

Uncle Paulie @ Howard Stern
 

Stop other-ing me.

Plasticosity
 

I have a fake potted plant--ivy and other small things--in the guest bathroom. It serves nicely to block part of a window that otherwise might allow for revealing looks. I got it before I had a real garden, though, and the damn thing just won't die.

How to get some action. Drive a Beemer
 

It is true that a lot of women who drive French cars are sluts.

Uncle Paulie @ Howard Stern
 

I think that a lot of American lawyers would say that the British way is wrong in American legal documents, and will timmy and correct it when they see it. I can't stand the way the American way looks, but I still do it just to follow custom.

Christa Miller's Breasts
 

I don't really care if they're real or not, and I think that I miss most of the real/fake discussions anyway. But I sure wish that I could find a better picture.

Wishing poll
 

My mother has confessed that she has bought a few silk flowers and they appear in rotation when she needs spruce up a dying bouquet.

I've given up on my front yard until further notice. The backhoe guys working on the street have become such a familiar sight that the Displaced Dog doesn't even give them a perfunctory bark when he gets to his post by the front window every morning. When I got home on Friday, I had to wait for ten minutes before pulling into my driveway, because they had to hastily construct an on-ramp with a pile of dirt. Now that it's raining so hard that I can't see out my window, I think it's safe to say that I have a moat in front of my house instead of a road. Which I guess is someone's sick idea of fullfilling a wish upon a star from 25 years ago. (Live in castle with moat. Ok, so the castle is a 1050 square foot bungalow, but it's mine, damnit. And Bank of America's.)

So the poll is: What star/birthday candle wishes do you still want to come true from when you were a kid?

Alternative: Have you had any wishes from star/birthday candles come true?

why people who work in lawfirms are pompous self-important asses who need to be shot
 

Ok, so i'm in the firm's kitchen cutting up some tomatoes for a light snack when I hear my name getting paged. I race back to my office and call the operator. She says I have Sally Sue from Joe Smith's office on the line for you. I have no idea who sally or Joe are, but I say "put her through". She proceeds to tell me she's sally from Joe's office and asks me for two email addresses, one for a person in my group and one for bob smith, who i don't know. I ask her to refresh my recollection who Joe Smith is. She says "Joe Smith from Dewey Cheatum and How" and I ask her why this is relevant to me. Nothing is ringing any bells for me. She then says that the names she needs email addresses for she got from an email chain that was originated by me (a document sent out for ABC client to like 20 people, most of whom I've never dealt with, but was told to put on the distro list). This document was forwarded to Joe Smith and he'd like to send an email to these people. I ask her how she related to ABC client's document. She finally says "Jow Smith is representing XYZ, the other party to the agreement" (which I have dealt with directly to date and had no idea they were using outside counsel). I give her the email address for the person I work with, but tell her I have no recollection of the other person, whom she then reports to me WORKS FOR HER BOSS'S CLIENT, XYZ. Tell me, would you EVER have opposing counsel paged to get email addresses from a person who sent out the agreement over a month ago., let alone addresses for your own client? And why on earth she thought I would know who Joe Smith is, is beyond me. It wasn't like she said she was calling from JOhnny Cockrane's office or anything.

End of Rant.

Wishing poll
 

I'd still like to kiss Shaun Cassidy.
I'd still like to marry Bobby Clarke.
I'd still like my mother to just shut up.

Wishing poll
 

I don't remember any of my wishes from back then, mainly, I think, because I didn't wish well when put on the spot. I could never think of anything good to wish for. But I had this book - and the audio tape that accompanied it - and it was about a little bear (I think) who wished and wished and wished for a new lunchbox (true). So sometimes when I couldn't think of a wish of my own the bear's wish for a new lunchbox would run through my mind. I never got a new lunchbox though (hand-me-downs from the older sis). And sunnybunny won't help me out now, so I guess that wish might go unfulfilled. Not that I really wanted one anyway, mind you.*



*Nancy Drew, for those who are trying to think up a surprise gift for me.

why people who work in lawfirms are pompous self-important asses who need to be shot
 

Don't leave us hanging. Did the deal go through? Were you able to convey the title to Blackacre?

why people who work in lawfirms are pompous self-important asses who need to be shot
 

How were the tomatoes?

why people who work in lawfirms are pompous self-important asses who need to be shot
 

Serves you right for answering the page.

Two suggestions:

1. "Send 'em to my voicemail."
2. Delete the message without listening.

why people who work in lawfirms are pompous self-important asses who need to be shot
 

No. The clod of dirt she threw missed the enfoeffeeeee.

why people who work in lawfirms are pompous self-important asses who need to be shot
 

Have you recovered from the bulldogging* you received from the single-speed kilter?

*fruit salad

why people who work in lawfirms are pompous self-important asses who need to be shot
 

Who knows. She may have been trying to get your secretary -- believe it or not, stuff like that happens all the time without most lawyers being aware of it going on. Here's an example.

Pompous GP: Fenwick, I need a copy of the MacGillicuddy memo in support of summary judgment. I don't seem to see it in the file.

Eager GA: No problemo, Not Bob. I'll have it to you in a jiffy. [leaves palatial corner digs of GP]

Eager GA: Lucille, where is the MacGillicuddy memo in support of summary judgment?

Put-upon secretary: Did you look in the file?

Eager GA: Of course I did. Not Bob says it isn't there.

Put-upon secretary: He takes apart the files when he gets ready for the hearing. Idiot.

Eager GA: Well, have Snake or Psycho run over to the courthouse to pull the file from the clerk's office and they can get a copy of it.

Put-upon secretary: Suuuuuuuuuure. [aside] Those guys are too busy getting stoned by the dumpster in the garage. I'll call Hortense at opposing counsel's office and tell her that my moron of a boss let his moron of a boss lose the memo, and have her send it to me.

Wishing poll
 

I would still like to look like Robert Hays. I would still like to have a watch that can stop time. And, assuming no one posts a recent picture, I would still like to bang Pam Dawber.

Wishing poll
 

I would still like to drive KITT.

Plasticosity
 

Taxwonk reply: "That's because it's a fake potted plant!

Is this thing on?"

TM

Wishing poll
 

I'd still like to be Miss America
I'd still like to win the lottery and travel for 3 or 4 years.

Christa Miller's Breasts
 

Here she is with fringey:

http://www.rockymusic.org/archive/misc/drew02.jpg

TM