Holy Shit, Man!
 

It is not your fault that the very bad thing that is going to happen (or is happening) is you.

Shoelace questions
 

Didn't I recently mention that your rants had covered all of my pet peeves except for magazine inserts? Either way, thanks for covering that one too. Now I have nothing to complain about. And I'll take the shoelace discussions over car debates any day.

Holy Shit, Man!
 

At least you weren't stinky.

TM

Pushed or jumped?
 

This might be PB material, but I think that a seat (Ontario is going to go overwhelmingly Liberal, again), and a cabinet post are assured. The Hon. Ken Dryden, Minister of Pad-Save-And-A-Beaut!

Jimmy Fallon Quits SNL
 

I see. Well, in that case, I completely understand the hostility. What was up with that eskimo movie?!? Puh-leeze! Ever since he won that Oscar, he has been in nothing but shite (or is that shight?).

Holy Shit, Man!
 

I have a variation of that dream sometimes. And I never have had a freaky wisdom tooth extraction experience (I still have mine, actually, making me wiser than most of you, I would guess). Anyway, mine is that something bad is happening and I'm trying to scream, but I can't make myself do so. Just a little choked sound comes out. No one hears me. Quite horrible really.

Jimmy Fallon Quits SNL
 

My kids liked it.

But then, my kids don't hang out with Tony Randall's kids.

Holy Shit, Man!
 

Were you on my last conference call? 'Cuz, that's how I felt, too.

Holy Shit, Man!
 

OK, good, thanks. I am reassured that the dream is perfectly normal. Or at least wise.

Holy Shit, Man!
 

Okay. Will do. Here goes: Ever wonder about scented toilet paper? I mean really, isn't that just an act of futiliTY? Next week, I will contemplate the trials and tribulations of the airport.

Thank you and please tip your server.

Holy Shit, Man!
 

I will remember to remove my penis from your mouth next time.

TM

Holy Shit, Man!
 

? It is not difficult to talk around a toothpick.

Jimmy Fallon Quits SNL
 

My kid hung out with Uma Thurman's and Ethan Hawke's kids the other day at the park. I didn't talk to Ethan because he was riding around on one of those Razor scooters and looked like a real prick. His kids were okay, though. And he is ugly as sin. One of his daughters (the older one) will be beautiful when she grows up. Pony Trekker was not there, unless that was him behind that bush.

The following weekend, Sean Penn was with his daughter when he asked me where something was. She looked pretty cute. He was short, but seemed cool enough, especially when I didn't say, "Hey! You're Sean Penn!"

TM

PS - These names being dropped mean nothing because neither Uma Thurman nor Robin Wright were there.

Holy Shit, Man!
 

I wasn't talking about your dick. I was talking about mine.

TM

Holy Shit, Man!
 

Mine is more of a nub.