Slot C Action
 

I'm in the position (which I always thought would be great, but it's really not) of dating a girl who is really into Slot C action. She had never tried it before me and gave all the standard "No, that's disgusting" lines, but I asked her to give it a try, once. Now she loves it, and she wants to do that all the time.

It is becoming tiresome. First of all, it can require some clean-up sometimes. Second of all, I don't even get much Slot B action now before she is begging me, and I paraphrase here "Give me some Slot C Action." The first few times, I found this very hot in a porn kind of way, but now I dread hearing "Depo me in Slot C." This is all coupled with the fact that she is one of those women who is not really orgasmic. Tab A, Slot B, Slot C, Tab D, nothing is effective. But she really enjoys it and she wants sex all the time. So, I have to depo her for a really long time, until I just give up. Finally, and I think that this is the worst part, is that she is a clencher. As soon as she gets anywhere close to having orgasms, she starts to clench around the pleasure providing implement. This isn't really relevant to Slot C action, but it makes it very hard to continue normal activity for everything else.

I'm at a loss for how to deal with this. I used to be really attracted to her, but now I kind of dread depoing her. I've tried to talk to her about this, but it doesn't do any good. Even though I've told her I'm not that into it anymore, she still wants it Slot C-style. She also doesn't masturbate, so it's hard for me to figure out what is going to cause her to have orgasms.

I probably should make this anonymous, but it's not like I ever talk about this stuff with people I know. It's just a lot to share all at once.

Kobe and Stuff
 

I'm pretty sure Kobe has not conceded anything was non-consensual. He's not pleading guilty, is he? He's conceded sex (of some sort) occurred. She reportedly has physical damage that supports her complaint that (at least some of) the sex was not consensual, although the rumor I had heard (and isn't everything just that, even if reported by ESPN?) was that the injuries were around slot B.

And I still really hope we won't have a Mike Tyson defense in this one.

Slot C Action
 

Indeed.

Slot C Action
 

Run away.

Slot C Action
 

Huh? What is Tab D? Tongue?


This also confuses me. I thought clenching was good? What exactly are you saying here? (I'm only trying to help, of course...)

Good thing I'm not a litigator, as every time the word "deposition" was uttered, I'd have a giggling fit!

I must say, I can't argue with that.

Slot C Action
 

FYI - you're cleaning up Santorum.

http://www.villagevoice.com/issues/0324/savage.php

(spree: Savage Love)

Kobe and Stuff
 

I must admit I don't recall the Tyson defense, but regardless I am certain that this upcoming trial, if it comes to that, will be riveting stuff.

Perhaps for the sake of propriety, the court will adopt our lingo.

Gatti("Your honor, I hold in my hand our first exhibit, a photo of what we will call "Tab A")gap

Spoiler Timmy and BB4
 

I won't post any results, but there was a luxury competition against the British Big Brother. I don't know if it will air tonight or Friday.

Kobe and Stuff
 

I was under the impression that he bruised her face and/or arms. The wounds were such that they were casually visible three weeks later.

I cannot remember who said it on PTI, but some sports commentator mentioned that none of his teammates have uttered a word in his defense. Just the Lakers front office staff.

Page 2 has a QE Kobe makeover: http://espn.go.com/page2/s/hays/030806.html

Slot C Action
 

That is hilarious. But one question, how did you find that site so quickly?

(I have a friend at the Village Voice who is a very conservative, UES woman -- the irony is so ironic, don't you think?)

Kobe and Stuff
 

I haven't really been following this so I hope you will overlook the transgression if this is common knowledge or "asked and answered." Are we talking physical damage or "holy shit that would fucking hurt enough to make me pass out" damage? If just physical damage, isn't it normal to have some damage when using Slot C? Doesn't all sex, even Slot B sex, cause some sort of damage (minor bruising, tiny abrasions and the like) anyway? And, judging from the FB, there are quite a few people out there who like to "kick it up a notch" and thus something beyond minor damage could be normal, right? So in an acquaintance rape situation, especially one where some consensual sex is conceded, wouldn't anything short of "tearing up the great divide" still be a he said/she said case?:question:

Slot C Action
 

Discuss with her the joys of double penetration and introduce a new toy into the mix. You get to use Slot B, she gets fun with Slot C.

Tying it all together somehow
 

GWNC: But do you love the bear in the Labatt ads? I think he's ninja-level sweet. Not quite as ninja sweet as the Molson "I Am Canadian" ad where the Canadian jerseys the American who's talking trash in the office, but sweet nonetheless.

I wish adcritic were still free so I could post a link to the great Molson ads of 2001 (and the brilliant Toronto radio station parody thereof: "I think the the strip club is an appropriate place to celebrate our anniversaire. What the hell, she gets off at 10:00 anyway . . . Je m'appelle Guy, and I am not Canadian, sacre bleu tabernac merci").

I realize that this might be my least coherent post ever. They can't all be gems. So here's redemption:

Ninjas are sweet

str(Just like other mammals, ninjas can be mean OR totally awesome)8

Kobe and Stuff
 

No idea. That was just one of the rumors, but presumably it didn't make her pass out, since she did leave the room.

Checking back with ESPN, I've now read the news that some bellman supposedly saw her post-coitus with some sort of injuries on her neck and face (I guess beyond a hickey). That's a different set of injuries, obviously.

Anyway, in addition to mike tyson's defense that "any woman would want it with me, and beg me for it" (or something like that), he also asserted that his Tab A was more like Tab A, such that even consensual sex would lead to injuries consistent with the victim's. Not saying it's not a plausible defense, but it didn't really do much for racial stereotyping.

Slot C Action
 

Although I might have appreciated it if you would have directed me to the bottom (no pun) of the page where the tidbit about Santorum is located thus avoiding the stinging nettles and jack-off abrasion information, I would have then passed up the opportunity for this entrant in the Board Motto contest.

"All this time I've been enjoying regular, oral, and anal sex, risking STDs and broken hearts and God knows what else, when I could've been snugglin' butts and huffin' farts. What was I thinking?"