Contestant 45, Come on Down!
 

Was he talking average flaccid, or average erect?

Oh, wait, I forgot, there's no difference for you.

I would hide in the basement to listen to Stern too -- good call.

Umm
 

Just as a reminder, this is really more of a celebrity death pool sort of place. I'm all for dick measuring and the like, but maybe y'all could still do that over at the main FB?

By all means, come back here if someone dies or something.

Contestant 45, Come on Down!
 

If you post a naked picture here we could tell you the reasons you can't be in Playboy.

Contestant 45, Come on Down!
 

The basement is not a good place to hide to masturbate. For some bizarre reason, I did that after we bought the place. I found myself standing there, thinking "Why the fuck did I jsut do that?" I initially thought "Well, maybe I'm trying to 'Christen' the house... the wiofe would never let me fuck her in the basement." But then I realized, I hadn't masturbated in the kitchen. So why would I start with the basement? Perhaps it was the filthy space that got me going... who knows? I guess its a good think I didn't do it in the kitchen, since the neighbors kids are always running around our yard. "Hi, dad, I need bail money... Oh, her? She left me..."

Umm
 

Slow down. Take it easy.

Umm
 

You people have no respect for the dead!

Okay, this is totally outable, but WTF. My dear departed father was an avid boater; those were his happiest times. Before the wake, my brother put together a few family photos to display, including a shot of dad at the helm of his boat. My brother enlarged that photo, which was originally a 3.5 X 3.5 print -- to about 8X12. This photo was shot as dad was moving slowly through the channel out of the marina into the bay. There's a sign behind dad's head near the buoys, but you couldn't make out what it said in the small photo. The letters are clear as day on the enlargement, however. It said

Dead Slow. No Wake.

My brother put it on the table at the wake right next to the casket, and people stopped to look at it before they paid their respects. I wish we'd had a camera to record the double takes.

Umm
 

That is awesome. My dad has requested that we play Tom Petty's Breakdown at his funeral.

Umm
 

My aunt and uncle want to be cremated and have their ashes taken out on a boat and thrown into the bay at sunset while the 1812 overture plays in the background.

I think that's cool, although I will have to think about what music I would choose to give folks a chuckle.

Umm
 

Unless your relatives are celebrities, I feel this is inappropriate for this board. take it to the Dead Relatives board.

hah.

Umm
 

Can't we just have a general death thread? We could also add a "Just for the record, if I'm ever in a PVS ... " thread. For kicks.

Umm
 

I am troubled that my wish, that I been cremated and my ashes made into a bunt cake, a piece of which must be eaten by anyone who wants a part of my estate, will not be honored because it is merely an oral directive. Let this writing suffice as evidence that I must be made into a cake upon death. My estate will be first come, first serve, dolled out in equal chunks, but you'll have to down a huge piece of the cake in front of my lawyer. When the cake is finished, those who have eaten a piece will be assembled and given a percentage share based on the number of pieces they ate. If you can eat the whole cake, you can have it all.

Umm
 

I've requested We Didn't Start the Fire. I'm that much of a misanthrope.

Umm
 

Muskrat Love at mine.

Morty Seinfeld Died
 

http://www.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/TV/0....ap/index.html

See? Celebrity death news.

Sebby, you have to actually have an estate to convince people to eat sebby pie. that '84 Bonneville and your entire vinyl collection isn't gonna cut it.

Umm