nfh personal k
 

Everyone will think that you're a gay man. [standard disclaimer]

nfh personal k
 

especially if it's the thong picture. nttawwt. well, there is something wrong with the thong, but I guess there's nothing wrong with people liking the picture. if they mentally crop it at the waist. or they are gay men. nttawwt.

Pause? Hell, at that point someone generally brings up the issue of the desirability of the Teflon coatings on the newer check valves, the conversation then jumps to the accepted methods of reporting capacity ratings on lift stations, and, well, at some point that seems like five minutes later we all look around to see the sun coming up, and we have to tear ourselves away.

Paigow will be so distraught when she learns she missed the sewage talk.

She's too busy kayaking in it to care.

Death Question
 

My only input on this stuff is:

Mourning practices have always been, and really should remain, highly ritualized because of exactly the kind of confusion you are having. In moments of high stress and emotion, people cannot be trusted to "figure it out" as they go along, so they need set rituals to rely on get everyone through the event it in one piece without disaster or break down. None of this can start until you hear of a death, however, and relying on "through the grapevine" news could have nasty consequences if it is wrong. If you can confirm that Al's mother died, that is one thing, but don't do anything until you hear for sure.

Confirm when (or if) callers are welcome before visiting, because there are probably "acceptable" times, whether those are established by the relevant traditions or otherwise. Do not show up entirely unannounced or unexpected - the bereaved shouldn't have to play host to you at your whim. With any luck at all, there will be someone not immediately related helping to coordinate this for the family and generally acting as a buffer between them and everyone else, hand out work assignments and gently send excess people on their way before their presence stresses out the family.

If you do visit, bring freezable main-course food, be prepared to answer phones/cook/clean/whatever while staying out of the family's hair, and also be prepared to leave quickly so they don't feel like they need to entertain you (or think up something for you to do). Offering to help deal with other callers (bringing food & drink for them, making chit chat when the family doesn't want deal with them) can be useful if no one else is doing it (see above).

Whether you stop by, or call, or not, send a handwritten note (not a card - the idea that sympathy for death could ever be conveyed by commercial sentiments is abhorrent). They may not read them for quite a long while, but the written expresison of sympathy and admiration for the deceased will be of lasting comfort. That is another thing acquaintances who want to be useful can offer to do: catalog the condolences and send quick acknowledgement notes to senders, so the bereaved don't have to deal with it themselves immediately and don't feel rude for letting acknowledgements wait. If they're up to it, the most efficient and graceful way to do this is to prepare hand written acknowledgements for family members to just sign themselves - that way they don't necessarily have to do their own handwritten follow up later.

edited because my sentences are too long and stop making sense.

The Infamous Cover Letter
 

Now it's in the Smoking Gun, and they provide an update:

When TSG caught up with him, [he] said he was not embarrassed by the letter and had good relationships with his mother and girlfriend, though Mom ribbed him, "So, you're not gonna come to my funeral?"

As word of his letter ricocheted through the legal community this week, [he] began receiving phone messages and e-mails offering criticism and job interviews. While [he] said the "vast majority" of the feedback has been negative, "I don't care if everybody hates me, I only have to get one job."

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/mstoll1.html

Death Question
 

(Black ink. Use black ink. And this is a good time to realize why adult human beings should have personal stationery that doesn't have flowers or waterfalls or Tweety Bird on it.)

A related question for the board: It is my practice, in expressing condolences, to say or write "You're in my family's prayers" even if the bereaved is not known to be religious or spiritual* in any way, unless on previous occasions the bereaved has expressly denounced all religion practiced by me and others as hokum. In other words, if I know a person doesn't believe in any kind of god, but seems not to be contemptuous of others who do, I tell them I'll be praying for them. In times of extreme crisis, this is almost always gratefully received to all outward appearances, but I thought I would check in --- am I being offensively pious? "You'll be in my thoughts" never seems like enough.

*I do not acknowledge that there is any difference between these two words, but use both because I know some people think of themselves as the latter but not the former.

I seem to recall that something like this is the case, but the long-standing "clear 'em out so new ones can move in" laws are in conflict with the historic preservation laws covering some cemetaries, and I don't know how that is being balanced.

Friendster?
 

Death Question
 

I'm fairly rabidly anti-religion, and I see nothing offensive in it at all. The fact that you are including me in your prayers, while being of limited actual utility, means that I and my plight are in your mind, and that you are applying what you see as an important resource to my troubles, and that you care.

(And, it's certainly better than saying "NOW don't you wish you believed in God?")

Friendster?
 

Yes.

Of course not.

The fakesters are/were entertaining.

Even(in case anyone cares, ACL has started in Zilker Park and it sounds great)Odds

ACLster?
 

You are truly evil. You're lucky your ass is so good.

Friendster?
 

Who?

(Edited to add, so as to not look quite so stoopid - "who" as in "who's playing at ACL", not "who is ACL?")

The Infamous Cover Letter
 

how long until his picture makes it into Merriam-Webster's next to "tool" (n.)?