fucking telemarketers
 

Every call in the Western District of Oklahoma is a long-distance call, so telemarketers call less.

fucking telemarketers
 

I stick to my oldies but goodies:

Get the Mr. to get on and ask them what they are wearing in his creepiest and most threatening voice. Even better if one asks if they are young, because you like them young - if not, do they have any children? What do they look like?

Ask them if they have rejected the shackles of Judeo-Christian oppression yet and accepted Satan as their master, because he is VERY interested in them - I can induct you right over the phone!

Ask them why they don't get a respectable job like hooking or stripping, because this has got to be a humiliation to their children and a joke among their friends.

Speak a fake foreign language and get very aggitated.

Pretend a herd of rabid rats/aliens/giant mutant spiders has me beseiged in my appartment and scream for help before they eat/drill into my head (since that wonderful lovecraftian 419 scam correspondence I've read, I've also included atavistic inbred subterranean mutants and multi-dimensional tentacled gods).

Ask them if they've noticed that wearing headsets all day contributes to sexual dysfunction, because I've heard that telemarketing call centers are really a government front to lure in and render sterile the least productive and most undesirable elements of society.

Pretend they are a drug dealer answering my page - because who else would call at such a time? (Formerly "pretend they are the pizza delivery guy who is late," but this is more fun.)

BR(they called, so they volunteered to entertain me)C

edited because I can't spell

fucking telemarketers
 

I vote "telemarketing call center is a big local employer."

QE
 

I thought it was a little odd that last night's episode transitioned to the "reveal" or whatever you want to call it with fully 20 minutes to go --- usually it's only 10 or so minutes that the boys watch their little golem on Fab Pad's plasma TV.

After the first five minutes of the reveal, I realized why.

Because it was, and turned out to be, the funniest fucking 20 minutes that has been on TV in a very long time. I couldn't turn away. It was a worse train wreck than any episode of "The Office," and that shit was fictional.

Side observation: Apparently, Kyan's habit of calling every widely-available consumer product "amazing" is contagious.

fucking telemarketers
 

I get very few telemarketing calls now bc I'm on every do not call list imaginable and always ask to be added to it -- BUT, I continue to get two of the most irritating calls of all time: (1) the aggressive solicitations from police and fire depts. where the callers (a) ask you to donate "again" when you never have, and (b) imply that taking a pass this year might lead to your being left helpless in an emergency. These attempts at intimidation infuriate me in a way that ordinary (you could even say admirable) persistence of some poor sap with a telemarketing job never could.

(2) Those lengthy recorded messages on my answering machine from a bogus "nonprofit credit counseling organization" that asks you to call back and provide "verification information" to receive your low rate debt consolidation loan. I hate these f-ing predators; I want to track them down and punish them. I have tried to call them back to ream them out over the phone but without success.

And to return to a topic of another day, I now realize that my action figure would be the personal finance educator and scam artist terminator. I don't know what such an outfit would look like -- impeccably tailored but conservative wool suit (navy pinstripe or charcoal gray?), spike heels for kicking the scam artists (and payday lenders, credit insurance hawkers, mortgage companies that charge you $375 to process biweekly payments for you, anybody who asks you for your social security number when it's not necessary, the list goes on and on) Armani glasses, perfectly coiffed hair, Quicken software, and an amortization table, maybe?

women's hockey jerseys
 

You give me more credit than I'm due.

(1) Down here, we're raised to believe that as it is here, so it is elsewhere. You mean to tell me that the majesty of Piggly Wigglies has not yet been spread across the entire American landscape? Such a loss for the unwashed masses.

(2) Down here, familial networks extend far. Though this Fenwick guy does sound familiar to us, NotBob's tales (while amusing) trigger no spark of recognition. And if he isn't known to the Extended Gap Clan (including for current purposes that Taylor branch which was excommunicated for that unfortunate episode regarding the livestock back in the 20's), then he can't be from around here.

La Pope
 

No being Pope is for life. You can't quit, you can't get fired. There is a "special" vote that the Cardinals can call for - but I can't remember if any Pope has ever been voted out for health reasons. Wouldn't it be cool thought of JP just said - fuck it Im out of here.

fucking telemarketers
 

Had the job of selling these things via telphone back in the day. We had a script that read:

"Hi, this is Hank C. I'm calling for the POLICE OFFICERS association of ______. How are you today, Mr. _______"

Most people yelled or hung up. The trick was to get the immigrants, who were by far the most likely to donate.

"I'm calling for the POLICE OFFICERS association of ______. How are you today, Mr. Imaxazytri?"

"Depends. Why are you calling?"

This start usually led to a sale.

La Pope
 

Or announced "this is all a crock - thanks for the donations, suckers!" and left for Barbados.

The Whiff
 

Am too. Actually, I was tired and it got past me.

Kathleen Turner is Way Too Old
 

All this examination of Kathleen Turner's former (and not present) hotness has lead me to a question: At what age is the "tipping point" when you generally find younger people of your preferred gender more attractive than older ones?

I'll go with about 30 (as a male preferring females), but that's just a working theory.

fucking telemarketers
 

Lately I seem to get a call every evening about five minutes before 9:00 (i.e. right before the FDCPA, for example, says don't call, assholes, if I remember correctly). Needless to say, this doesn't improve their odds of chiselling money out of me versus calling at any other time.

If I'm a Congressperson and want to get reelected forever, I get a bill ratifying the no-call list in the hopper ASAP.

P (for the nineteenth time, no, I don't want AT&T local fucking service) D

edited to say not that the FDCPA applies to most calls, of course, but it does at least set some limits on annoying telephone contact.

We're all next on Paigow's ignore list
 

Do you feel better or worse that she is also alleged to be a borderline autistic?

fucking telemarketers
 

If you're a safe congressman looking to build up a huge warchest to keep you safe (and maybe pave the way for that Senate run), you keep that bill in the hopper and away from the floor.

La Pope
 

That would be beautiful. And on his way out the door, "by the way - to Pat Robertson, God says no matter how hard you pray, that hurricane is coming to get you - someday - it's a matter of time."