| Shape Shifter |
10-01-2003 04:20 PM |
Paging DS and Grinchy: Etiquette Q
Quote:
Originally posted by Fugee
I need some "etiquette" help -- but of the kind where DS talks about ways to politely be nasty to someone.
Situation: a former executive of a client had an affair with a co-worker with whom I worked on the client business.** Both were married with children. The woman's husband was a stay-at-home dad. Both got fired, though not necessarily because of the affair because inter-office affairs were rampant in the executive suite there. They have since married and put their exes through hell in their divorces.
I haven't seen either of them since they left the client but recently met the guy's ex-wife who is very nice. (She has gotten to the place where she realizes that, except financially, her life is better than it would have been if he hadn't left). This past weekend I was in the grocery store parking lot when someone called my name -- I was parked right next to the cheaters.
What I really wanted to do was to -- as they say in historical romances -- give them "the cut direct." But I'm a coward when it comes to confrontation so I made polite conversation for as short a time as humanly possible and split.
So, what would Miss Manners recommend one do when one encounters people whose behavior one thinks has been completely unacceptable? Is there a modern version of "the cut direct" or at least something that would appear on the surface as polite but convey the message that someone's behavior is not condoned?
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I cannot pretend to speak for Miss Manners (okay, I could, but not with this sock). I have never judged people by the way they manage their affairs of the heart. I have known too many otherwise sane and rational people who appear to have gone absolutely bonkers in these matters.
But what do I really know? Something to consider is that you do not and cannot know all the facts and circumstances involved. So you've become friends with one of the parties involved. That does not mean you are receiving complete and unbiased information. When was the last time a friend told you the real reason he or she was dumped? It's always told in such a way as to reflect badly on the dumper:
"He is emotionally unavailable."
"She is a castrating manipulative shebitch who never believed in me and threw out my favorite t-shirts."
"She cheated on me with my best friend."
"The bastard fucked my sister."
Could there be two sides to the story? Is the dumpee always blameless? Does blame even need to be assigned? Love is not static. Couples come together and sometimes break apart. The "cheaters" are really nothing more than two confused people seeking love to somehow brace themselves against the horror of their otherwise meaningless existence. What's wrong with that?
Your response to the cheaters was fine. I'm sure your discomfort showed through and they got the point. But you should get over your self-righteous indignation. Why do you feel the need to be nasty? Life and love are funny. You may find yourself as one of the cheaters some day. |
