No Need, I Can Do It For You . . .
 

I have developed a healthy distaste for that book. But I found it most interesting that S_A_B gets into it and for a while seemed quite upset when the Snort apprehended the baby bird. I think she is starting to realize that it will all work out in the end.

The key question, really, is: "Mr. Brown can Moo. Can You?"

S_A_M

No Need, I Can Do It For You . . .
 

Mr. Brown can whisper, very soft, very high, like the soft, soft whisper of a butterfly. Maybe you can do it too. I think you ought to try.

(I need to be stopped.)

Yep. That "Blues Clues" host needs a good ass-whipping.

The theme to Oobi, now, that's catchy. Kind of gets in your head, you know?

S_A_M

I've been dranched in all things Disney recently. Took the Gaplets to Disneyland a couple weeks ago, just before the summer rush. The older (4 years) was in heaven.

He also got propositioned by Snow White, which was mildly interesting. As y'all know, the Disney characters are released from their underground dungeons periodically and roam the grounds accepting hugs and photos. We were headed from Point A to Point B and Gattigap Jr. saw Snow White headed by. He stops, waves, and calls out excitedly to Snow White.

SW stops, talks to him for a moment, and says, "I'm headed to the Wishing Well. Would you like to come with me?" Inexplicably, my animated son now becomes shy and replies, "Um, no."

SW and the entourage continue on their way, and I kneel down and explain to my son that men rarely receive such offers from Snow White, and that should he in the future receive another, he should probably say yes.

Gattigap

OoooObi, oobi oobi oobi oobi OoooObi.
He's got a lot to see
He's got a lot to do.
And he's alwaaaays with yoooooooou.

It's the Tiny Planets theme that get's stuck in my head. I still hear it in my head all the time, and it's been months since Noggin stopped running that show after Play With Me Seseme.

Maybe it was just the music, but the Tiny Planets had this kind of tripped-out Euro club kid vibe. The characters don't speak English, do they?

I now have carpal-tunnel from performing endless "command performance" Oobi impersonations for the Weedlet.

Thank god she finally discovered Warner Brothers cartoons and Tom&Jerry. Now we have something to talk about.

Try to turn her on to Animaniacs and Pinky and the Brain. They're hilarious the first few dozen times, and it's never to early to plant the subversive impulse.

I'm glad you put in the happy part. Every time I start thinking about having children, I see a child throw a fit in a grocery store and I question the wisdom of having children.

My sensitivity to crying children was never higher than when I was married w/o kids. Once you make it through the newborn stage, during which there is always a lot of crying over which you have little control, you kinda figure that sometimes kids cry and it's no big deal. I was equally desensitized to talkback by the time the oldest started talking back --- if you had asked me when he was a newborn how I'd react the first time he claimed "I don't love you," I would have said "utterly devastated." When it happened, though, under the circumstances I was laughing into my sleeve (while trying to project the image that I was taking his tiny emotions quite seriously). So nature has a way of protecting you from the tantrums, by making sure you don't particularly give a shit that your kid has five or so minutes a day during which he totally hates your guts. It's one among many extremes of emotion and experience em will have on any given day.

Oh, and the projected embarrassment you think you'd feel when your kid is having a meltdown in the middle of Wal-Mart or, worse, on a plane? I won't claim it's non-existent, but it definitely isn't as bad as LWOKs assume.

You'll have to ask Bilmore if the effect extends to being blasé when your child points a crossbow at you, etc.

Tend to agree with Atticus here.

The Brazenette throws an occasional fit in a grocery store or mall. Oddly, I can barely even tell that its happening anymore.

But know this. There is no wisdom to having children. Whoever said that to have a child is to go on for the rest of your life with your heart outside of your body was right. It's the single most foolhardy thing you can do. That said, I highly recommend it.

Or, the way I put it to a childless friend (an RC priest, so this wasn't to put "have kids" pressure on him), on the day my first child was born, the worst imaginable day of my future suddenly got immeasurably worse. The best imaginable day of my future suddenly got immeasurably more numerous. A fair trade, I'd say.

Let's not let the FB know we're having this conversation again. I hate oppressing people accidentally.

Ugh. The RC priest does not count as childless, given that he can repeat this to his parishoners or whatever when urging them to have as many babies as possible.

I'm not oppressed, I'm [negative word deleted to avoid offending people who breed]. Bnb, please, PLEASE keep track of when your kid is having a fucking tantrum and take it outside or home until it stops (or, better, don't take it to the store if it can't behave). Or I may follow you home after you finally drag the screaming brat out of the store and spraypaint "brat-breeders" on your house.

I love you, man.

My point was not that I am one of those blase mothers who yammers on with her aerobics instructor while her child rampages up and down the aisles of the grocery store, as much as my point was that once you live with a small tyrant, you are less likely to find their every little noise like nails on a chalkboard.

I do not take my child to movies, or to nice restaurants, or many other places I think it would be inappropriate to subject other people to her. But if you have a problem with the fact that she may whine in WalMart or throw her crayons on the floor at TGIFridays, well, I am truly sorry. I am doing my best.

Hm. Sounds like I can keep the spraypaint in the trunk instead of handy in the car cabin.

the employees of TGI Fridays all mind. so maybe you should throw a little extra hazard pay on to the tip. bending over under the booth to pick up the crayons tends to hurt the ole back. and please, no more smashed up cheerios all over the floor. for the love of god, people are trying to eat here.

You and your wacky selfless regard for the wellbeing of waitpersons everywhere. You should be their patron saint. "Damn, I forgot to wear my medal of ncs today. My tips are going to suck!"

Can you please show me where in my original post I said "and then I leave the crayons on the floor for some pathetic minimum wage asshole to pick up, but only after leaving my usual 4% tip and being sure to strew breakfast cereal around"?

Indeed. I even try to frequent public places with her at times when you are likely not to be there. Let's be honest...the grocery store at 2:30 on a Tuesday afternoon is full of stay at home moms and their offspring. We won't bother you on Sunday and you shouldn't expect child-free Tuesdays.

And I won't be eating dinner out with her at 8:00. We tend to hit the Early Bird, where the senior citizens think she's "precious" or "little as a minute". And where they drop as much food on the floor as she does....

You didn't say you picked them up. Lack of full explanations is why but one of the reason childless people loathe, despise and pity the childed.

Defensive much?

I generally tip a solid twenty percent whenever the Gaplets dine with me. It assuages the guilt.

The anxiety of keeping the boys behaved during a dinner on the town is sometimes such that I'm almost reduced to saving all of us the trouble, slowing down to 25mph and simply flinging some cash out the window as we pass by.

All kids stage tantrums sometimes, even the well-behaved ones. Even with the best parents, they have to give it a try to see if it works. And sometimes their fragile little systems just can't handle shit anymore. There are times when this happens and you can't just remove the kids from the scene because it will only encourage them. So, get over yourself.

Not to ruin your assiduous assuaging, but I generally tip a solid 20%, including tax in the amount on which I'm computing the tip, and rounding up to the nearest dollar or 50 c, depending on how big the bill is. And I never have kids with me, and I order off the menu without changes as a general rule.

Edited to make it clear I was arguing not with gatti's hilarious self-deprecation, but with his self-back-patting w/r/t amount of tip.

Spraypaint back out of the trunk.

If you are trying out a brand-new situation on the kid, I would think you could have an exit strategy in place in the event you find you overestimated their tolerance. If you are at a place so long (unexpectedly, or whatever) that their systems can't take it, they are legitimately freaking out and leaving is the right thing for everyone. I never signed up to be part of your disciplinary training, but I guess you have signed up for people to tell your children who are freaking out in public that they are ill-behaved brats who should be left at home with a mean sitter. I mean, you are keeping them in the public place to show them the consequences of their actions, right? Including mean strangers.

Have y'all been fixed yet?

Boy, you can't even let a self-deprecating joke fly by without complaining about the details, can you?

I believe it was implied.*



*seriously, bnb, you usually get me. can't a person go on a sebbyesque rant every once in a while? particularly a person whose avatar in a chain restaurant employee? well can't she?

You let me know how intact your sense of humor is after a humorless day spent with a person who is merely 30 inches tall and clearly the boss of you.

Nonetheless, after the restorative effects of a martini or three, I seem to have regained mine.

My apologies to all those to whom I became strident. Which really means my apologies to Fringey and ncs. I will refrain from taking anything personally again until I've had the opportunity to view it through a veil of vodka.

Billy Barty
 

So stop dating midgets.

Physician, heal thyself.

One of the lesser joys of parenthood is having total strangers tell you how to raise your kids. It's especially fun coming from people who don't have kids.

Given that you work at least full-time, and have (at least as far as said on this board) one quite young child, I would not be so sure that you have spent as much time taking care of children as I have. Also, you have experienced but one child, and since you are still in the process of raising it, can't see the results of your decisions. But hey, if my genetic material isn't in the kid, I couldn't possibly know anything and am not equipped to make any comments. I tend to think though that you are blinded by your adoration for your particular child (which is quite handy, from an evolutionary perspective) to fathom that not everyone is willing and eager to make sacrifices for your kid.

Which makes me confused as to how any of us do anything, since we as a profession are all outsiders brought in to solve problems and resolve issues not of our making.

You should never have admitted your kid has tantrums in public places to which you have brought it, and that you really think that total strangers should be more than happy to put up with it. What kind of answer did you think you would get? Sheesh.

I guess they're just little black boxes until they get into Harvard, right? You're the parenting expert -- you would know.

If you're going to change gears and start posting as Ms. No Kids But Still Knows Her Shit, fine, but I was responding to Ms. I Don't Want To See Children Who Rain On My Parade When I'm In A Public Place.

Is it that I'm a guy, and must therefore not be in touch with my child, or have I said anything in particular that might lead you to think that I can't "fathom" the depths of the despair into which I submerge your ilk when my kid misbehaves in public?

Nice word, "sacrifices," given that what you are asking is that those of us with children stay away from public places where you might be.

Admit? Hell, every child I know has had a tantrum in public places. If your parents sedated you, that's between you and them. Did I say strangers should love it? No. News flash: I'm not loving it either at that point in time. I was just suggesting you should grow up.

Please.

waitstaff isn't bothered by kids. kids are predictable and easy to ignore. They make a mess? the Mexicans clean not the waitress.

waitstaff have problems with drunk asshole guys who try and paw/come on to the them, or self-important woman who think they're really really smart and better than the pitiful waitress. you know. like mediocre lawyers who try and flex their brain muscle and take a pompous stance.

I'm sure B&B should be leaving a bigger tip, but that was true pre-kid.

Given this is the lawyers with kids board what kind of responses did you think you would get? Did you think it was the FB?

Given that it was Ty and bnb, and perhaps Atticus, with whom I was screwing around, I didn't think one of them would be that silly. I would not have responded in that way to, say, vietmom or even SAM.

Aren't you enough of a Troll Where You Belong?
 

And as a confirmed childless spinster, your role here is what, exactly?

Aren't you enough of a Troll Where You Belong?
 

She reminds us that parenting can go horribly wrong.

Babyfucking fuckhead fuckers
 

Amusing myself.

We don't sign up for a lot of things, including batshit crazy strangers who attempt to speak directly to our children in public. Dealing with inconvenience and frustration with good grace, however, is a quality that separates adults from children. Now go to your room until you're ready to play nice with the rest of the world.

Aren't you enough of a Troll Where You Belong?
 

Perhaps to point out to the parents that their little tyke's delightful expressions of individuality may not provide as much joy to others at the 9 pm screening of "Kill Bill"?

Not that any of us need reminding about the whole time and place for kids thingy. The strippers in the Champagne Room at Salome's 6 and One Half Veils (the now-closed Exotic Dance club in Podunkville) used to love it when I wheeled in with the Not Bobette in her stroller. Bending over to pick up the spilled Cheerios was part of the act.

this spoken by someone who has never been a waiter. thanks for your insight, Hank.

fringey, will you help me design my patron saint of waitstaff emblem?

For what it is worth
 

20% is stingy guys. We're fucking lawyers. Is there anyone here who would would even notice a few extra bucks for the waitstaff?

And kids can be a lift for waiters and waitresses sometimes as well as a mess. Dealing with thankful parents with rowdy kids sounds a lot more pleasant than dealing with dour old spinsters who just whine and whine and whine. The folks who really need to up their tips are the sourpusses who bitch about other folks.