TITS!
 

Here I was thinking that "Oklahoma Assfucking" couldn't be unplugged. Clearly I've never been assfucked in Oklahoma . . .

TITS!
 

Maybe you could call the album "Guest Bedroom"?

TITS!
 

Fortunately, albums come with that nifty paper sleeve. Much like a duvet cover.

Addicts Do Triathalons
 

just for normal people, or even for the industry folk? you may want to start clearing some of these posts with firm counsel.

TITS!
 

If you really want to make it be OKC-hip. like BowLegs wit a bullet, OKish, I suggest calling it Assfuckin-OK?!!!!? Outside of Beaver.

And the 2 people here who are from Oklahoma KNOW I just dropped the POTYFTITIC.

TITS!
 

And a kazoo. No unplugged Attican Bedshitters album would be complete without a kazoo.

Addicts Do Triathalons
 

Are you sure you're ready for such a drastic step?

TITS!
 

Paper sanitary wrap for the bed? Atticus finds plastic sheets work better and without those painful rectal paper cuts.

Question
 

Clearly you have not had to pay for a funeral lately. When the Fugee Dad died, I was astonished at how much it costs to die.* In a small town with conservative lower-end option choices, already-owned cemetery plots, and church basement ladies to take care of the post-funderal luncheon, my Dad's funeral was probably not that far under $10,000.

At supper I mentioned ABBA's story to the Fugee Sister. Her responses were that ABBA's dad is an asshole and no one needs to buy a grave stone right away.

*Even cremation is not as cheap as I would have expected.

Question
 

I can speak to this. It is so much cheaper than a funeral. If I remember, under 1K to get my dad burned. Like others have said, funerals can get to near 10K because funeral directors are the used car salesmen for the dead - they convince grieving family members that Whoever needs at least a Cadillac to the grave. But without a 100,000 mile 10 year guarantee. No, this baby is guaranteed to be non-nature tight: your loved one will still be eaten by worms and decay to mere bones in a matter of months/years despite you paying for satin sheets.

Yet people continue to get suckered in to buying the Mercedes of funerals, when even the Hyundai is an overpriced ripoff. Burn, baby, burn, disco inferno. And, if [dad, mom, sib, aunt, uncle, adoptor, priest abuser, greatsomethingorother] had insisted on something else, great, but, shit, they're not here to complain, are they? Honor their wishes, but don't get tooled.

Less (cremated his father and spread his ashes with my sister) in a park (Foothill) that, as kids, we spent a many, many (think visitation rights) a weekend inSF

Addicts Do Triathalons
 

Bullshit, partly. When it's time to deal with a "cold," or "allegies," go for for the nasal lavage, whether by pot or hand. Those are known as "colds" or "the flu." Then, during March Madness, your grandmother is deathly ill. Just keep track of how many grandmothers you kill (and hope your carriers don't talk to each other). Also, only use each of these once: (1) mono - good for two weeks; (2) wisdom teeth - two to three days; (3) appendicitis - one week; (4) hernia - one to two weeks; and (5) food poisoning two to three days.*

But, don't take this to preclude your own inventiveness. I knew an attorney who established wherever he worked that he had a back problem, so he could be expected to be found on the floor of his office "stretching." Of course, his "stretches" seemed to place his feet against the door such that - should he be sleeping - he was awoken by the person entering his office, and - duh - of course, he's lying on the floor, stretching. My hero.

I make no guarantees, warranties, or any other form of representation regarding the efficacy of these methods. That said, I can say that I have seen - rightly or wrongly - each of those excuses plead successfully.

Question
 

Your ashes in Bings, 3rd stool in, correct? Or are the ugly rumors Penske has been spreading about a hole in the wall in the Castro true?

Question
 

Jade. Upstairs bar, all the way to the right, against the wall, where I can read my book, should the company suck.

Or Sushi Groove South, in Wendy's pants.

Question
 

It may have been higher because the funeral home in Fugee Home Town did not have its own crematorium but I think the plainest basic cremation was around $3K when I looked at the price list.

Here in MN, $10K is not that extravagent for a funeral. For the Fugee Dad's funeral we made choices near the bottom of the options and it was still at least $8K without a plot. If one wanted, one could easily spend many thousand more.

My grandpa managed to make cremation almost more expensive than regular burial. He wanted cremation but he thought a funeral should have a body so he arranged to be embalmed and all the cosmetic work to look plastic (I assume this as I refused to look at him in favor of remembering him as he was when he was healthy and vibrant) and have a funeral in Montana, then be cremated and have his ashes sent to Minnesota. Double the cost.

Funeral Laughs
 

Fugee Family funerals lately have been (except for the Fugee Dad) a source of amusingly weird stories. My apologies if I've told them before.

At my maternal step-grandpa's "reviewal" I had a particularly strange conversation with the undertaker. As mentioned, I chose not to go look at his body so I sat out in the lobby. The funeral director sat down to chat and casually mentioned, "I'm worried about Ed, he's not doing so well." I was hoping he thought I was with another family that has a live Ed because grandpa is dead and past worrying about. He continued telling me that Ed wasn't looking so good. I was getting a little freaked out until he at last mentioned that he used less than the full dose of embalming fluid because of the coming cremation and he was worried about decomp because it took a week to get everyone together for the funeral.

But my maternal grandma's funeral story tops the Fugee Family archives. Grandma died in Montana but wanted to be buried in Minnesota. For reasons unknown, grandpa didn't have her cremated as he was. My uncle Burt drove his pickup out and really wanted to "bring grandma home." So they put the casket in the back of his pickup but it was too long so it stuck out over the end and was covered with a tarp. It was hunting season and hunters were required to stop at designated checkpoints and show their hunting tags et al so the rangers could check them. Because he hadn't been hunting, Burt blew past the checkpoint and the next thing he knew he had flashing lights and sirens. Then ensued a conversation in which the police types were giving him grief for not stopping because he clearly had something under the tarp and Burt explaining that it was his mother, not a deer. The police insisted on seeing the casket but did stop short of opening it to make sure he really wasn't a poacher going to great lengths trying to hide the evidence.