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I see you two have met.

TM

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I can only add one to your astonishingly comprehensive list:

12. When people say, "I don't mean this rudely....", they're lying.

I'm just inept
 

Yes it does. You just have to take your cursor and select the text and drag your cursor down. Then you can copy and paste it.

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My conference call is inspiring a new round of observations:

1. It takes about five minutes of conversation with a person to discover the most annoying thing about him or her. Then you can choose to leave or continue. Resist the urge to stay just to be polite.

2. People's personalities resemble those of their pets.

3. Vegetarian men are unattractive. Vegans are worse. (Vegetarian women, however, are smokin')

4. Yoda has most, if not all, of the answers.

5. Brides should not smoke. It looks dreadful.

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And the corollary (but I may be the first to have come up with this particular bit of wit and witticism):

11. There is NO such thing as a free lunch.

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This is a corollary of:

Everything before the word "but" is bullshit,

and a parallel to:

"I don't mean this personally" - yes, you do.

Another one occurred to me,

Whenever someone (generally a rapper) says "You know what I mean" or "You know what I'm talking about" a lot, I generally don't.

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People who describe themselves as "happily married" are most likely to have spouses who aren't.

The person who always volunteers to put the dinner bill on his/her credit card while everyone else chips in the cash will usually leave a lousy tip.

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Amen, sister. When I was a server in a "fun!" restaurant (think of that place in the fine movie Office Space where Jennifer Anniston's character doesn't have enough voluntary flair), I learned this the hard way.

The additional factor that I learned as a lawyer is that the person who does this is also planning on submitting the receipt for reimbursement. And getting frequent flier miles on the card. And doing it to avoid having to get cash out of the ATM in the account that the person shares with a spouse/SO who frowns on lunches at places that have table service.

Not (witty parenthetical inserted merely to annoy MR) (note to Susan in estate planning on the 34th floor -- yes, I *am* talking about you) Bob

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Which, for you Newsradio fans, reminds me of this:

Dave: Bill, have you ever heard the expression "It's easier to catch flies with honey instead of vinegar"?

Bill: Dave, have you ever heard the expression "Only a hillbilly sits around and tries to figure out the best way to catch flies"?

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some more:

The friend who urges you to break up with your boyfriend b/c he's not good enough for you usually ends up fucking him within a month of your breakup.

Guys who complain that their male friends are "whipped" are always either single and not getting any or married and not getting any.

Fallout from casual sex rises in proportion to its blandness (tm: tm)

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Wait. Do you mean to say that something that I do is now fashionable? In? Holy shit. I always say that if you do something for over 20 years it is bound to come into fashion at some point. People used to think I was just a cheap date because I only ate the veggies -- of course, then I started drinking heavily and turns out that the alcohol can be more 'spensive than the dead fleshy stuff. WOOHOO

Thrashers(doing a little "I am finally cool" dance which reinforces the fact that I am not cool)Fan

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No one really has a clue what they're doing. We're all making it up as we go along.

She who makes the suggestion usually ends up with the project.

People are friendlier to animals than they are to each other.

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This reminds me of one of the dumbest-and-yet-very-true things that I've ever heard. Someone was promoting his book about how to win at casino-gambling, and revealed that one of his secrets is to never tip. "One of the biggest mistakes people make is tipping the dealers. Even when playing my system to perfection, your edge is very small, and over time, this will completely erode any chance you have of winning." Or words to that effect.

In that vein, I'm thinking of writing a book called, "how to save money when eating out at restaurants." Chapter 1 will be entitled "Never tip," followed by:

Chapter 2: Share those entrees
Chapter 3: Don't ever order booze
Chapter 4: Water with sweetner makes a great dessert
Chapter 5: Dining and Dashing -- Free Meals and a work-out
Chapter 6: Pretending to be a bus-boy is a great way to steal left-overs
Chapter 7: Ramen noodles at home+tablecloth=5 star asian meal.

I really think I'm onto something here.

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Yup. And today is Friday, too. But, I can find no place on this board to post it.

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You had casual sex with TM? It was bland? Or not, because the fallout was high?

Oh, (to paraphrase Lili Von Schtupp), is it twue what they say about those people?

TM and b-l --- wow. The more I learn about the FB the more I realize how little I know about it.