Bad Dad, Part II
 

FWIW - My best childhood friend had a similar role in a hollywood film when he was 9 (we met at age 10). He was a bright, friendly, mature child. In high school he announced he was gay. His father rejected him. He died of aids at 23. Probably not related.

But, totally true story.

Hey there. I'm not MIA, just too tired to post lately. The Lexling is wonderful - 95th percentile of bigness, both longways and wideways. He's almost 10weeks - wow time flies. He's a good baby, though the child is a little fartmonster and he is inconsolable sometimes due to gas. Not sure if I've been eating something to upset his stomach or not - it doesn't seem to correlate with any specific food. Mylicon seems to take the edge off, but doesn't solve the problem. Any suggestions are appreciated.

I am officially a stay-at-home-litigator - the firm I was doing contract work for sent me an email dumping me last week (nice. an email.) but it turns out I am more than OK with it. I have enough work of my own to keep me going and now I can avoid the dreaded day-care problem for a while longer - and the commute! (I have a granny-type neighbor who will watch him when I'm in court/meeting clients.) I'm looking into getting a HS kid for afternoons while I work at home once I take in more work. Ideas on how to stay connected with the outside world?

-T(I so need a maid!)L

Using formula? Switch brands/types. We had the same problem, and this cleared it up. Worst case, if it's a milk problem, you may need to switch to the meat-based stuff.

Concur on the formula thing - switching to Good Start really helped the baltspawn, even when they were only taking one bottle a day and otherwise breastfeeding.

Their gas seemed to peek between 3-6 months, then just got better on its own. We only used the Mylicon to treat. Otherwise, you just have to ride it out.

That completely sucks about the e-mail. Couple of things the baltspouse has done to stay connected with the outside world: find & join a network of mothers who do playgroups*; join the local bar association and go to functions; find a really good babysitter and get out. Finally, (and I hesitate to bring this up here, but oh well), if you are in any way remotely so inclined, join and start attending a church or temple. It is a great place to interact with other adults in a context where the children can be around, but not dominate the environment.

* ways to do this: Gymboree / baby gym classes (try to YMCA, your gym or local community associations), keep in touch with the people from birth class, and churches / community centers.

Babysitter Blues
 

I am sure you are all sick of my woes, so I am sorry to rant yet again:

After going through the trauma of hiring a new Nanny, I observe Vietbabe is not really bonded with her and in fact pulls away from her and whines (contrast: even with complete strangers, she is charming). Today I see maybe why: after arriving late at 8:15 am, Nanny is in living room with Vietbabe. I'm working from home. I go downstairs around 9:30 am because I keep hearing Vietbabe's voice but not the Nanny's. Nanny is fast asleep on the couch as Vietbabe runs around. She is sleeping sitting up. I see Vietbabe walk over to her and hand her a kid's book. The Nanny wakes up with a start, takes the book that is outstretched to her, and then puts it down. Then she looks up and sees me on the stairs. She stammers some bullshit about her eyes being sore and do I have any drops for sore eyes (like I don't know a sleeping person when I see it and didn't catch z's during property law in LS).

Have a gal who's pinch-hitted for me, is currently employed as a Nanny, Vietbabe loves her and so do I. She is just what we need. I want to hire her, but she can't start until 2 weeks. Do I keep the current Nanny until then? Or do I try to find a temporary replacement as soon as possible?

This sucks.

I'm only using formula a couple times a week, if that, so maybe he's just extra sensitive to something I'm eating. Oh, well.

To Vietmom - Assuming she is not sleeping all the time and was just having a really bad day that day, keep her for two weeks - it will be less stressful for you than hiring an interim babysitter who may not be any better and it will confuse the baby even more to play musical nannies if you don't have to. It would be nice to give the current nanny a week notice - just don't send it by email. I shoudl add that I missed the previous nanny switching, so I'm not up to date on th situation.

-TL

Hey Tex Lex. I had a gassy babe too. Switching to Nutramigen helped. Rocking and walking with her helped too. I swear by Mylicon.

Thanks for the Nanny advice. I am really not comfortable at all with this lady, who has been with us for a week already. She has the TV on all day, isn't talking to Vietbabe, isn't cleaning up, sort of "yells" at Vietbabe, but the worst is that Vietbabe just recoils from her absolutely. I will try to stick it out two weeks and I guess hand her a week's pay on a Friday and say she's fired. Two weeks seems like so far away. I just put Vietbabe down for a nap because I heard her crying in a way I have NEVER heard her cry before. It was eerie. She really dislikes this Nanny. I have never seen her dislike ANYONE. Bottom line: she's been late every single day, and lazies around the living room all day and Vietbabe hates her.

Holy moly - you've only had her a week and she's pulling this? She should be on her best behavior for at last a month, you'd think. Sometimes kids can tell what someone is really all about when we can't. I'm not sure I would keep her for the 2 wks after all. I'd lend you my granny neighbor to watch her for the next few weeks if you were here - she's awesome (and free!). Good luck. BTW, how old is VB now?

-TL

Go with your gut. Toss the girl.

When Native Son was about 2 his daycare lady (whom I and son loved) had to go out of business. His new lady was friendly and chummy with me but son's behavior soon started to change. I moved him to a new lady who lived near and knew that lady. Son's behavior went back to normal. After a few months new lady told me that previous lady told her about what a 'spoiled brat' my son was and that she would 'discipline' him by taking away his baby (stuffed bunny) and letting the other children beat it. I still feel terribly guilty (7 yrs later) that son had to go through a couple months of that treatment before I tuned into the situation.

Vietbabe is telling you that something is wrong. Please listen.

Bad Dad, Part II
 

Sure, isn't this how Gwyneth Paltrow got her start? Her "Uncle Morty" (Steven Spielberg) gave her a part in one of his movies. I want to say "Hook" but I didn't see it so I don't remember if that's right. Of course, encouraging your daughter's acting career increases the risk that you'll end up with a rocker son-in-law someday, but ymmv.

As to the gas problem, this is sort of weird, but when the Brazenette was little, she often got gas first thing in the morning. I found that if I laid her on her back and brought her legs up towards her head (sort of like how you do when you change a diaper), I could help her fart. Like the doubling of her body seemed to put just the right pressure on her belly to help the gas squeeze out. It seemed to bring her a lot of relief, and by 6 months or so she'd learned how to fart all on her own. I am so proud.

As to the outside world, I agree with the suggestion to try Gymboree/My Gym/My Little Gym. The Brazenette goes to both Gymboree and My Gym weekly and both have done tons for her development and have helped me to build a support network of other mommies.

In Bikram-style yoga, we call this "Wind-Removing Pose." I'm sure there are other, less delicate terms in other schools of yoga.

the "airplane baby" worked well for us for a hugely colicy, gassy infant: hold your left arm across your chest, lay baby down with em's stomach on your arm- you will be supporting the head with your arm; your hand will come out between baby's legs. Somehow, the belly-down posture, combined with still being held relatively close, helps a lot. And you can walk around the house and do other stuff with your right hand.

Glad you and the new one are happy and well (gas notwithstanding)

Babysitter Blues
 

Fire her, now. It actually doesn't matter if you are right or wrong- she's watching your baby, and you (and viet babe) are not comfortable with her. The few days that your life is disrupted finding a replacement are nothing.

Ain't parenting grand???

parental leave policies
 

I've been asked by a newbie (hi!) to ask for information about firm's policies re parental leave. If you don't feel comfortable posting about it, PM me and I will sanitize it.