Duelling
 

That was my thought, as well.

The OddMan's take is that it is never okay to take a shot at an ex -- whether an actual ex or a "she's mine all mine or at least someday will be" ex.

But then as I said, my friends are incestuous.

lies
 

Probably wise.

Because it isn't necessary to completely cut yourself off from your past just because you're now with someone else. Because if you are quite sure that it will be harmless, but won't be perceived as harmless, there is no point in giving yourself the headache. Because if you're actually friends with the ex, they deserve more than to be completely cut off. And yez, no SO deserves to be lied to, but if nothing is going to happen, they don't need to be told.

TM

lies
 

I think the essential disagreement between camps here is, you shouldn't be making that choice for her. The burden is on you to convince her that nothing is going to happen. Coincidently, that's a lot easier to do before you ever get caught the first time lying about an innocent meet.

lies
 

It is easier to say you want to meet with an ex and nothing is going on, so no worries, before you meet with the ex. If you have to give the same explanation after, the present s/o isn't going to believe you, s/he has no reason to and has every reason not to.

Most of my gf's have been friends with their exes. I've hung out with them and their exes. So I just don't see what the big deal is. Yes, I will want some information about how the relationship ended and whether there are still any romantic feelings there. But otherwise, who cares?

If you have an s/o who cannot handle you going out for a harmless drink with a harmless ex, that in itself is an issue that needs to be addressed. Because you are right, there is absolutely no reason to end a friendship with someone just because s/he is an ex.

There are all sorts of headaches in relationships, it is much better to deal with them before they become migraines.

lies
 

If you withhold info, you look like a liar with a reason to hide info anyway, even if you've actually done nothing wrong. Might as well just stagger in at 2am either freshly showered or covered in lip gloss.

And most guys in particular are too dim on emotional matters to lie convincingly about this sort of thing anyway.

lies
 

I once heard someone say the way to evaluate whether seeing someone merited the risk of being caught was the Victoria Principal principle. That is, is she so attractive that any risk would be worth the reward (I know the hypo wasn't actually cheating)?
VP wasn't THE hottest TV star back in the day, but she was very very attractive.
So anyway, I went to IMDB to check spelling, and this is her publicity photo!!!

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000595/

The women currently is pushing a line of skin care products. Her skin care products do not seem to have helped her.



Edited to provide link. You cannot show pictures from imdb. L

Duelling
 

Wait. Let me finish diagramming this out, and I'll get back to you.

Jeezus, this is like a friggin LSAT question.

Lies, and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them
 

I can't imagine that you will ever find a guy who will be able to understand what is right as you see it in that cracked head of yours.

TM

Lies, and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them
 

I have done the natural hat trick, and I get bonus points because it involved over 300 miles of travelling within the 24 hour span.

Never had threesome. Guess I never will. Life is cruel.

Lies, and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them
 

Both of your SOs had hot, material sex with their exes and lied to you about it.

TM

Duelling
 

No shit. I thinkit becomes easier if you realize the first paragraph about EHM and VARG are there to distract from the pugilists and call attention to E/O's ability to date, and then dump, desireable men.

But shit, maybe all the guys are just the oddman, who keeps hooking up with E/O in some weird ex-sex fantasy/role play deal.

We, indeed.

CYA memos
 

I give that shit to one of the kids who enjoys the library. You think I'm going to do that research? Get real. I'm on the ohone half the day and in court all the time.* You want a CYA letter? Talk to the nerd who writes our opinion letters. I'm just the mouthpiece who writes briefs and goes to Court.

* Excpet, obviously, the last three days...

Duelling
 

I figured I would need at least four more depth charges before I could make sense of all the acronyms.

Lies, and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them
 

I've been thinking about this the same way: I try not to do anything (SO related or otherwise) that I wouldn't want to do with my wife present (whether she is actually there or not). This reality check goes a long way. Since getting married, I have gone out for I night on the town with a particular SO a few times - but the baltspouse has come along at least half the time, and they are now good friends (it doesn't hurt that the SO is so obviously in love with her husband that baltspouse doesn't feel threatened).

The beginning of the end of my first marriage was more or less one of these lying incidents, although more of a misunderstanding. A co-worker at a new job went by a shortened version of her name that sounded male (lets call her Alex). I mentioned this fact to my wife the first couple of days there, but apparently it didn't sink in. Over the next couple of months, Alex and I would go grab lunch together a couple of times a week, as we were the two interns in the office. COMPLETELY platonic. I would mention to my wife occassionally something that "Alex" had said - a joke or whatever. Then my wife met Alexandra at a party, and went ballistic about how I was hiding from her the fact Alex was a woman, and so I must be cheating on her, etc. The marriage didn't end there, but I think the writing was on the wall at that point. Saddest part was that not only did I not cheat, I didn't even intentionally lie (which I think made it a really good lie, in the sense I couldn't be showing guilt, because I had none).

lies
 

Some people apparently prefer trepanation.

Lies, and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them
 

I'm friends with all my exes and my wife and I see many socially from time to time. Totally casual and utterly normal. I don't mandate that we all hang out together; it just happens from time to time.

I think this works because I have only dumped maybe 3 people in my whole life. I've always made sure I got dumped rather than vice versa. Dumping someone is bad luck.

Duelling
 

Blah, freakin, blah.

The first paragraph was there to demonstrate how such things should be handled. Gentlemanly, not ridiculously.

Even(plus, I am hoping they are reading the board this morning so they can remember how stupid they were last night. Oh, and if you are, guys, we are all giggling at your expense this morning.)Odds

There's a tremendous amount of inbreeding in this state, particularly out there in the Burgh. The kid was probably alarmed by the fact that the arm did not have webbed fingers.

Please, someone, burn Pennsylvania down.

lies
 

Yeah, I need that like I need another hole in my head.

Duelling
 

There's no statute of limitations on crazy.

But back in the day, my incestuous group of friends found that a good rule of thumb was that once the dumped dated someone else (even once), all was clear.

I was going to illustrate this with a story as complicated as your own, but then I decided I've already had one today, so I'll refrain.

Lies, and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them
 

2 things:

(1) That looks just like my costume to a "Pimps an Hos" party I attended a few years ago (seriously).

(2) I'm hungover again, and that bottom picture really freaked me out when it changed.

Edited to add that it looks like I'm gonna bust out with some "Ice Ice Baby"...

Lies, and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them
 

I have not and never will drop the kids off at the pool in front of my wife, nor will she do so near me.

That is the line that shall not be crossed.

All it takes is Argyle?
 

So, I see this photo caption in the NYT:

"Seeking Women's Votes -
Gen. Wesley K. Clark has replaced his navy blue suit with an argyle sweater in an attempt to increase his support among women."

And, I'm thinking to myself, is that all I needed to do all this time? I've been trying to increase my support among women for years, and the whole argyle thing never even occurred to me.

lies
 

that's unbelievable- up there with Ickes page, although scarier because its not upfront crazt. Sometimes I feel inadequate to explain the world to my kids.

All it takes is Argyle?
 

Kudos to the Clark man and all for trying to dress well, but I think he needs to try harder. This sweater ain't gonna cut it.

http://graphics7.nytimes.com/images/...ar.650.425.jpg

Unless he's focusing in on the granny vote.

Oh and getting Madonna of all people as someone to stump for you? Come on now.

I'm sure I'm not the only one to say this, but I would definitely want to know in advance. I'd want the opportunity to discuss it with m son, answer any questions he might have, and make sure he is (a) comfortable with it and (b) won't try to steal it for a prank.

Tax(left frog eyeballs in the ketchup in HS)wonk

All it takes is Argyle?
 

Lord, not the moronic "let's put Dan Quayle on the ticket cause the girl's'll think he's a hottie" thing.

Argyle won't get Clark the chicks. Perhaps if he could somehow capture that dreamy David Cassidy joie de vivre...

ETA, on the other hand, that lady in the yellow and black sweater thing looks pretty turned on.

All it takes is Argyle?
 

He's going after soccer moms, you want hippy chicks. Think Nehru jackets.

All it takes is Argyle?
 

It seems to have gotten him Madonna's vote. Her endorsement letter is on her website (http://www.madonna.com/ - in the News section).

I was surprised that she's held onto this whole US citizen thing. I could have sworn she was a Brit. I'm not surprised she loves the argyles. Who can resist them?

All it takes is Argyle?
 

At least the goateed guy on the left knows his tools. DeWalt rules.

All it takes is Argyle?
 

this surprises me, because you have your finger on the pulse of that whole plaid-pheromone-trigger phenomenon.

(don't mix your plaid with argyle though. The synergy would be too electrifying. too irresistable. I don't think we'll see Wesley Clark mixing plaid with argyle. mark my words)

lies
 

the problem, thurgreed , is that if yoru SO perceives it wont be harmless, either she has reason to suspect you might cheat, or she is paranoid. either way, there is a trust problem and your relationship is unhealthy and possibly doomed without counseling or something.

lies
 

All true. You have no argument from me. In a perfect world, no one lies to their perfect spouse about anything, because everything is always perfect.

But most people don't live in Utopia. And although all of the perfect women and men on this board seem to think that they would be 100% okay with a spouse having a few drinks with an ex, I think it's safe to say that I'm mainly correct that this is bullshit. They may think it's true, but when it actually happens, shit changes. The ones who would have no problem with it in hypoland suddenly have a problem with it and bring it up all the time in the real world. And while it isn't something that would ruin a relationship, it's easier on both people to not have to deal with it.

And the whole, if she finds out, she will completely lose trust thing is crazy too. If it really was innocent and you really did not tell her because you didn't want her to worry about it (or to avoid what I laid out above), she will most likely see this and you won't lose all that trust. She may think you used poor judgment, but if you had a really good relationship up until that point, I don't see how this would completely destroy it.

(And all those "perfects" don't mean that I'm mad, I'm just trying to make a point.)

TM

Lies, and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them
 

Do you not undersatnd the difference between me being ok with a guy hanging with an ex and a guy wanting all of his exes to be best buddies and hang with him like some dysfunctional harem?

Clark
 

The comment about the chick in yellow reminded me. I went to this thing for Clark the other day, wanted to get a sense of where he stands on some issues, and it was basically the people here in the Burg who are trying to drum up support for him.

What a wacky group of people they were. Most of them were pretty old. Apparently one of the leaders got "The General" to sign some books. He was trying to get people to put in 25 bucks a person to raffle it off. And some people go so excited at the thought of owning the book it was, well I don't know what it was, kinda freaky I think.

And there was this other guy who wanted us to make some buttons to help out in NH, cool enough right? But he is going on and on about make 1000 buttons by hand, not having thought to check into whether he could get someone locally to do it for him at a reasonable rate.

Does he not have a job or what?

I went to a thing for Dean early in his campaign. And there was yet another person who didn't have a job, or anything better to do then be obsessed about Dean.

Every time I go to something to meet the people involved in the election of a particular candidate, I regret it.

I REALLY wish I could be Republican. Democrats are friggin weird around here. Could be because they are so rare. The Republicans have nice parties, there's wine and cheese and people dress nicely. The Democrats, not so much. Except for when the gay community was trying to help Rendell get elected. Those parties were fabulous.


So anyway, I've rambled on so long that I should start a poll.

What was your weirdest encounter in relation to an election?

lies
 

Great. That clears it up. I wish you had posted this earlier.

It is easier to say something beforehand than having to explain afterwards. But it is even easier to say nothing at all and never deal with it again. And if it is truly innocent and nothing happens, why do all of you have such a problem with it?

TM

All it takes is Argyle?
 

Now, I'm as cynical about politicians as the next guy, but that's a little unfair.

All it takes is Argyle?
 

This is a good point. I feel that, by embracing plaid, I was dancing in the penumbra of womanly acceptance, when I should have plunged right into the heart of the white hot sun of the source of women's desire: Argyle.

lies
 

I have a problem with it for two reasons -- (1) your scenario involved you actively doing things to cover up the meeting - I don't understand why lying about it to the SO would be the right thing to do, and (2) even if you went with the "it didn't come up" thing, meeting with an ex is the type of thing that a SO would probably want to know about, so if you are not actively lying, you are still keeping information that is relevant to your SO from him/her.

Really to me it is about honest communication and building trust. You think there's no problem as long as you don't get caught. I think there is a fundamental problem with the communication in the relationship.

All it takes is Argyle?
 

And PFlow, don't forget that nothing says Aloha toa woman like a good Hawaiian print. Well, you knew that.