Two Things
 

1. Congratulations!

2. We look forward, someday, when the time is right, to seeing you on the Mom's and Dad's board.

Two Things
 

What does marriage have to do with parenthood?

Two things
 

PRobably Antigua

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And a screaming was heard through all of middle earth.

Off-topic (i.e., not about sports)
 

Look, here are some basic truths about this board.

1. When someone knew comes along, with the long time lurker, rare poster bit, they are usually a sock. So they get flamed for being a sock.

2. This is a board where humor is king. If you're interesting, you also get a pass (somewhat). But, if you're going to post about something no one is interested in, or that makes you sound lame, you'll get treated like a red-headed step-child. Posters like Ty and SS had a relatively easy transition because not only were they funny and interesting, but they gave shit back as good as they got. Hell, NFH got piled on for months (and still gets reamed) and she can take it and has made a place for herself here.

3. If you haven't noticed, regulars take a lot of shit on this board. If they can't take it at the beginning, they aren't going to like this place anyway.

4. RB rarely posts here anymore, so newbies should be fucking happy. She consistently beat the shit out of them on Stalin.

5. If we're too nice to people posting crap, we're going to get nothing but crap.

TM

Two Things
 

1. Why are you congratulating paigow about the pigs?

2. Ease up. Her black book isn't even cold yet and you've already got her buying Luvs.

Soooooo - Details
 

Now it's been difficult to keep track of the many loves of paigowprincess, but inquiring minds must know:

1. Did the blowjob camel find a permanent oasis, or was he sent off to wander for 40 years in the desert?

2. Did you finally tell yourself "this guy has everything I want, I can learn to live with the Masshole accent. . . "

3. Philippoussis came available and you snapped him up.

4. None of the above.

Two Things
 

I think I speak for G3 when I say, "whiff."

Best wishes, paigow. May you find every happiness of married life.

When My Baby Smiles At Me I Go To Rio; or Blame it on Rio.
 

US Pilot Fined For Gesture in Brazil (spree: it's yahoo, dude)

The offending picture cracks me up:

http://us.news1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com...2457072180.jpg

Two things
 

JRUSS?

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Actually, it is the having of eyebrows and the ability to express emotion and show personality that gets doggies through the door. I bet piggies have personality too -- but they cannot express it in their faces so we don't know it.

As George Carlin once said, this is why cats get the bum rap about being cold and heartless -- no eyebrows to express themselves, just a bunch of weird shit sticking out over their eyes.

Two Things
 

If we didn't already know you were a lawyer ...

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Will men never learn? How far away does he live? How many other women is he seeing to distract him from you?

Soooooo - Details
 

none of the above. though it appears phillippoussis and tara reid are kaput and if he came my way, I might pull a Mrs Jerry Seinfeld.

Two things
 

there, there, less. I knew you would take this the hardest. but if it makes you feel any better, you never had a shot anyway. spittle is a turnoff, I dont care what the porn flicks show, the ladies dont like it in real life.

Two Things
 

1. The pigs are now free! That is a good thing. I hope some of them got very far away (and, by the way, they are smarter than dogs).

2. Eased up. Good things come in time. But, based on input from my etiquitte coach (thanks Atticus!), may I revise my prior Congratulations to a "Best Wishes."

Two things
 

Now that is the FB love.

Newbies aspire to such warm affection from regulars.

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. . . only to die when eaten by the starving minks set "free" by PETA.

Betty v. Veronica
 

Not at all, muffin. It's more an issue of tigress v. doormat. Of course if you want to be walked all over and then thrown aside whenever a more assertive kitty calls, then I won't try to stop you.

Zeke
 

Well then I guess I don't need to point out that your carveout swallows your point.

Maybe now he can. But he's only recently come into his own. But playing with them doesn't mean shit in the playoffs. Much like paigow, he can stop neither one from having their way with him.

Wrong. If you recall, the Spurs beat the Lakers. They were a better team.

Don't give me regular season win/loss analysis. It's a different season once the playoffs start and the Pacers, with the head coach of your choice, would have taken one game, maybe two from the Lakers or the Spurs in the finals.

TM

America's Top Model
 

I loved where the Judge said "Is your objection to nudity a religious thing?" and the ditz answered "No, I'm just trying to be more Christlike."

I also loved the ditz saying "Well, if ssomeone else sees my private areas, its not special to my husband anymore." Hey, honey, here's a message from God - what you've got down there ain't that special. About 2 billion other folks have it, so get over yourself. Oh, and yours aren't the only private areas your husband's seen.

I'd have kicked that portly hick out the window faster than that bithcy super-queen photgrapher could sneer "fabulous" at a naked male model.

Two Things
 

Hey, thanks. Or, not.

Because we'll eventually need something else to talk about today, I give you the Top Six Words or Phrases that Immediately Out You as a Lawyer or Former Lawyer if Used in Normal Conversation.*
[list=1][*]"accordingly"[*]"moreover"[*]"indicated" (when used in place of "said" or "meant")[*]"inapposite"[*]"document" (when applied to any individual piece of paper)[*]"dispositive"[/list=1]

*Excluding the obvious ones that can only ever be used in a legal context, like "fact pattern" and "inter alia."

Two things
 

Congratulations. Now do the smart thing and bag the pomp & circumstance and have small wedding on an island.

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Congratulations, Princess. May your future be long and happy.

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See, now, that is really sweet. A friend of mine once called Maryland "Virginia's Canada," and I reckon he was right.

Of course, that means that somewhere out there there's a Maryland's Gwinky, which is a distressing and strangely intriguing thought.

Two Things
 

Intrigued by a crab-flavored slut?

Two Things
 

Old-bay flavored slut rolls off the tongue a bit more, shall we say, tastily.

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How could "inasmuch" be left off?

Zeke
 

You're either drunk, retarded (or both) if you think Billups could ever put up those numbers. I don't care what team he's on. McGrady is the team because he has to be. Billups doesn't even have the option. And let me reiterate, McGrady averages more assists than your precious point guard. Assists are how we judge the performance of point guards.

You are not really saying this. You can't be. The two players aren't even comparable. My point when I put that list up was that the players chosen before McGrady aren't even in his class now. You can argue Van Horn because he scores a bunch, but everyone knows he can't carry McGrady's jock. Just answer this, and I'll know whether you're worth wasting my time on in future sports discussions: If you could trade Billups for McGrady, straight up, would you? If you would, picking Billups before McGrady is (listen closely) a horrible decision. If you wouldn't, I bet you wear a helmet every time you leave your house.

You're right. I'd rather have John Stockton than Michael Jordan any day. Hell, BJ Armstrong, John Paxson, Bill Cartwright and Stacy King carried those Bulls team all those years.

No. I'm giving you shit because what you say is stupid.

TM

Two things
 

This isn't Vietnam. Mmmmmmm, rice noodles with special barbecued meat.

Two Things
 

Don't forget

"I didn't say X, rather I said [what to anybody else would be an almost imperceptibly different] variant of X,"

and its cousin,

"I wouldn't go so far as to say Y, rather I would say [some pussy footed ass covering] variant of Y."

Off-topic (i.e., not about sports)
 

It wasn't just the parenting issues. It was the severed arm issue originally posted by Atticus several days before the NWN posts. It been discussed literally ad nauseum and a concensus reached along the lines of "yeah, they probably should have told the parents in advance." NWN's post, in earnest IRAC format, was just tooo 3 days ago to be acceptable. He may as well have been discussing Paula Cole.

Two Things
 

Yeah, but now you're getting into locution. And that's easy to spot without slight distinctions imperceptible to the non-lawyer.

A surgeon I recently dealt with walked into the room, and before I even opened my mouth said "you're a lawyer, aren't you." I asked him to explain, and he said he guessed based on Vitamin D deficiency. Which locution of course allowed me to identify him as a doctor.

Two Things
 

Now wait just a minute.

Reading between the lines here, I get the impression that Atticus thinks I am Not Nice and therefore somewhat un-Canadian.

Who was the first to congratulate the betrothed? that's right, me.

And Canadians are generally "reserved", which means they are keeping the snarky things they think about you to themselves. It doesn't mean they are nice as a rule. "Reserved" does not equal "nice".*

*except underneath all that frosty reservation. Deep down generally speaking we are pretty good-hearted people.

Two Things
 

Screw you. That Canadian enough for ya?
Our sluts are crab flavored, rather than maple.

Edited to add: damnit! I had already typed it and I got a phone call!
Edited again to add: Screw you too, Burger.

Two Things
 

Plagarism's back. Cool.

And, note to Gwinkée, I would have taken it as a compliment. Except, perhaps for the disturbing part.

Two Things
 

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. A good doctor could take care of that.

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Congratulations, slave. I guess that last little piggy finally went to market.

TM

Two Things
 

I uttered a "heretofore" once before I caught myself.

And congratulations, Paigow!

Carnak
 

For the last hour or so, I cannot get this image out of my head

http://www.micro-blaze.com/graphics/devine.jpg