Jim Carrey Almighty
 

This is a huge sweeping generalization, but many Canadians have enormous inferiority complexes. There is this whole "in order to be successful you must not only be competitive with the Americans, you must do better than all of them as well" thing that is part of the Canadian psyche. He is a good example of this - he is not satisfied with being good at what Canadians think is a typical Canadian quality (being funny), he has to be good at what Americans are good at too (being serious).

Of course - this is not to say that Americans are not funny (they are!). - I am just trying to explain using vast generalizations why he may think the way he does.

the tyranny of the positive
 

Does Janice Hathy look anything like this?
http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/L...nnonjchan2.jpg

Guns Galore
 

Here is your first non OJ, golf or Jim Carrey post in far too long and this is what you come up with? You only call me stupid as you realize that my comments could equally apply to you. I'd suggest you borrow one of the tiaras Barely is having leagl "resize" for her, o' princess of the lowest common denominator, but I recall that you have exercised wit and originality in the past.

the tyranny of the positive
 

These people are freaks. The world is a complex place, full of the great and the awful and everything in between. Why am I supposed to simper and giggle like a fucking Teletubby as if it's always sunshine and butterflies?

And a word to those senseless goons who helpfully tell strangers on the street to "smile a little"--it was probably not so helpful to say that to me when one of my parents was dying.

PJ

Potential tragic tying together of threads
 

Worry not, PJ. Think about it: the smile lady is standing on the side of the road in FLORIDA flashing distracting signs at motorists. What kind of drivers are there lots of in Florida? Geezers.* The smile lady's days are numbered.

the tyranny of the positive
 

I agree. Fucking freaks. Who in the hell are they to tell me to "be happy?" Fuck you, my mood will reflect my current circumstances and if that means being a grumpy bitch then so be it. All of this happy-go-lucky stuff is bullshit. It takes no real effort or emotional investment on their part and society makes it easy to shame grumps so what the hell is the point? Why not go to St. Judes with those clown noses and try to cheer-up some terminal kids? Why not use their time to help a single-mom prep for her first real job interview? Leave us grumpy people the fuck alone and go help somebody that actually needs help -- of course, that would take more effort than these feel-goodies are willing to invest. Stupid fuckers.

edited because this stupid happy bitch got me so grumpy I forgot how to spell for a minute.

Jim Carrey Almighty
 

I would happily give all of Jeff Daniels's roles to Chris Farley.

When Daniels got kneecapped in "Speed," I cheered. I finally knew true happiness when he got blowed up in the fourth reel.

[WARNING: PRECEDING PARAGRAPH CONTAINS 1994 SPOILERS.]

Jim Carrey Almighty
 

I'm trying to picture Chris Farley in Terms of Endearment. Flap, indeed.

Jim Carrey Almighty
 

Some of the drama of charging down Little Round Top in "Gettysburg" would be lost if Chris Farley were leading the charge.

but I know that a French-Canadian goalie and a guy named Niedermayer will win.
 

As much fun as it is to watch Jesus Somebody (the dude with the ZZ Top avatar) argue with barely and TM, the Cup finals are here.

I look back and realize that my pre-playoff predictions, well, sucked. Granted that I don't think that anyone would have predicted that the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim would storm thru the Red Wings like Emilio Estevez thru a mound of Bolivian powder circa 1985, but still.

Despite what should have been the humbling experience of picking teams for the finals that were gone so long ago that it seems hard to remember that they actually made the playoffs, here I am.

So, who does Not Bob like? Not Bob hates the Devils. He hates Pat Burns, both with and without a mustache. He hates Scott Stevens. He hates the NJ version of the Niedermayer. He hates Scott Gomez. He hates Puddy from Seinfeld with the stupid face paint and the "go Devils!" chant. He likes Martin "no, I didn't bang my wife's sister -- it was her brother's wife" Broduer. He likes John Madden and Joe "a groin injury by any other name still hurts like a sumbitch" Nieuwendyk. But he hates the Devils.

So, I will root for the Ducks. Despite the fact that they were created by some suit merely as a part of some bizarre Disney synergyistic marketing plan. Despite the fact that they play in the hockey Mecca that is Southern California. Despite the fact that I know that poor Jiggy is overdue for a bad game, and that the hated Devils will break my heart by skating the Cup yet again, with Puddy screaming "go Devils!" in the background.

but I know that a French-Canadian goalie and a guy named Niedermayer will win.
 

I too shall root for the Ducks. Among other reasons, seeing the Ducks in the Cup finals gives me strength to continue my "Thrashers win the Cup for the '03-'04 season" fantasy. Anyway, I only liked to Devils during that too brief period when Jim "the Sabres rawked when I played for 'em" Schoenfeld was coach in 1988, "when he took the reins of a New Jersey Devils team languishing in last place in January and led it not only to its first playoff berth, but an upset win over Washington and a heart-stopping seven-game loss to Boston in the Eastern Conference Finals."

excuse me while I take a moment to collect myself.

Various and sundry
 

Root canals suck. (Imagine this post with a numb right side of my mouth).

Three day weekends do not suck. For the first time in a long time, I saw no movies this holiday weekend. I did spend time in antique stores, restaurants, being filmed for a friend's documentary, on the road, and with hot gay male models who were stripped down and being painted.

My mild distaste towards H2 drivers has escalated to hatred on sight. While I, like everyone, have always made gross generalizations about people based on what they drive, I cannot recall feeling as much venom towards someone just because of their car. I fear that one day my not-so-latant road rage will turn into some sort of bezerker frenzy, and an H2 driver will be the victim. Perhaps I'll use a gun. Apologies to any H2 drivers on this board. Here's hoping we never meet on the road.

Speaking of guns, I rely on the Displaced Dog and my alarm system for home security. So far, so good.

My (Yankee) mother relates the story of the first time she snooped around my (Texan) dad's D.C. apartment when they were dating. She said she opened his closet and found two things she'd never thought she'd see. A pair of cowboy boots and a shotgun. My dad explained that you never know when an opportunty to go duck hunting may arise.

but I know that a French-Canadian goalie and a guy named Niedermayer will win.
 

As for the other playoffs, I have one thing to say:

Go Spurs!

Even(tonight, game 5)Odds

Guns Galore
 

Actually, I was playing off of this quote: "I only meant to point out the hypocrisy of calling someone "stupid" for being "ignorant' while crying that the community had become too judgmental." I was being judgmental, hypocritical and using your favorite word all at once. I'm surprised that someone as brilliant as you missed it.

And, good reply. I'm not sure the "what you post about sucks even though all my posts have consisted of roughly nothing" approach works that well, though.

But that's enough from you. I think you're JRUSS and don't really feel like bothering whether you are or aren't.

TM

Guns Galore
 

Gun safety classes are mandatory for the issuance of hunting licenses to minors and concealed weapon licenses in the state of Texas.