I could tell which Chi. patent firms I find especially odious (sp?), but none of you are patent guys.

You don't know that! I could be "prosecuting" and "litigating" some "prior art" on you "applications" right now, or whateverthefuck. So tell us!

I'll bet all those guys at Leydig are assholes, right?

I'm with you. However, on the old board about all my posts did was prompt a bunch of hate socks. While I was flattered by all the attention, I wasn't flattered enough to drag abunch of bored law students over here just to drag the group's average intelligence and maturity level down.

I'm afraid the recruiting will have to fall on others. Otherwise, I'll be forced to reinstitute the sandwich debate. And given that I'm now banished to the Western Burbs, that topic will by woefully underserved.

Granny on the Lam Update...
 

UPDATE -- The 75 year old lady who scammed a bunch of car dealers with bad checks, skipped bail and wrote a bad check to her lawyer for his retainer was sentenced to 18 months in prison today. Betty Gooch claimed she didn't know she did anything wrong when she wrote a $20,000+ check to a BMW dealer on a $50 balance checking account...

Link

Granny on the Lam Update...
 

Crap. Looks like I won't be getting that chaise after all...

Granny on the Lam Update...
 

Sure you can. Just write a check.

How to Speak Chicagoese
 

As a handy guide for visitors to our fair city, I once again present a handy guide to speaking Chicagoese. Warning -- while some of these phrases are quintessentially Chicago, overuse of them will peg you as uneducated.

1. Grachki (grach'-key): "Garage key" as in,"Yo, Theresa, waja do wit da grachki? Howmy supposta cut da grass if I don't git intada grach?"

2. Uptadaendada (up-ta-da-en'-dada): "Up to the end of the" as in, "Joey, you kin ride yur bike uptadaendada alley but not acrost or I'll bust yur butt."

3. Sammich: Chicagoese for sandwich. When made with sausage, it's a sahsage sammich; when made with shredded beef, it's an Italian Beef sammich, a local delicacy consisting of piles of spicy meat in a perilously soggy bun.

4. Da: This article is a key part of Chicago speech, as in "Da Bears" or "Da Mare" -- the latter denoting Richard M. Daley, or Richie, as he's often called.

5. Jewels: Not family heirlooms or a tender body region, but a popular name for one of the region's dominant grocery store chains (Jewel). "I'm goin' to da Jewels to pick up some sahsage."

6. Field's: Marshall Field's, a prominent Chicago department store. Also Carson Pirie Scott, another major department store chain, is simply called "Carson's."

7. Tree: The number between two and four. "We were lucky dat we only got tree inches of snow da udder night."

8. Prairie: A vacant lot, especially one on which weeds are growing.

9. Over by dere: Translates to "over by there," a way of
emphasizing a site presumed familiar to the listener. As in, "I got the sahsage at da Jewels down on Kedzie, over by dere."

10. KaminskiPark: The mispronounced name of the ballpark where the Chicago White Sox (da Sox) play baseball. Comiskey Park was recently renamed U.S. Cellular Field, aka the Cell.

11. Frunchroom: As in, "Getottada frunchroom wit dose muddy shoes." It's not the "parlor." It's not the "living room." In the land of the bungalow, it's the "frunchroom," a named derived, linguists believe, from "front room."

12. Youse: Not the verb, but the plural pronoun "you." "Where's youse goin'?"

13. Downtown: Anywhere near The Lake, south of The Zoo (Lincoln Park Zoo) and north of Soldier Field.

14. The Lake: Lake Michigan. (What other lake is there?) It's often used by local weathermen, "cooler by The Lake."

15. Boys' Town: A section on Halsted between Belmont and Addison which is lined with gay bars both sides of the street. "Didn't I see youse in BoysTown in front of da Manhole?"

16. Braht: Short for Bratwurst. "Gimme a braht wit kraut."

17. Goes: Past or present tense of the verb "say." For example, "Then he goes, 'I like this place'!"

18. Guys: Used when addressing two or more people, regardless of each individual's gender.

19. Pop: A soft drink. Don't say "soda" in this town. "Do ya wanna canna pop?"

20. Sliders: Nickname for hamburgers from White Castle, a popular Midwestern burger chain. "Dose sliders I had last night gave me da runs."

21. The Taste: The Taste of Chicago Festival, a huge extravaganza in Grant Park featuring samples of Chicagoland cuisine which takes place each year around the Fourth of July holiday.

22. "Jieetyet?": Translates to, "Did you eat yet?"

23. Winter and Construction: Punch line to the joke, "What are the two seasons in Chicago?"

24. Cuppa Too-Tree: is Chicagoese for "a couple, two, three" which really means "a few." For example, "Hey Mike, dere any beerz left in da cooler over by dere?" "Yeh, a cuppa too-tree."

25. 588-2300: Everyone in Chicago knows this commercial jingle and the carpet company you'll get if you call that number -- Empire!

26. Southern Illinois: Anything south of I-80 (15 miles south of Chicago).

27. Expressways: The Interstates in the immediate Chicagoland area are usually known just by their 'name' and not their Interstate number: the Dan Ryan ("the Ryan"), the Stevenson, the Kennedy, the Eisenhower (the "Ike"), and the Edens.

How to Speak Chicagoese
 

An alternative to Sammich, especially if you're a Nort-Sider (anybody who refuses to go south of Harrison Street without a weapon of some sort), is "sang-wich." Hey, Bobby, gimme a beef sangwich wit hot an' sweet*."


*Hot and sweet refer to green peppers, hot being gardiniera, a mix of small hot peppers, carrots, celelry, and olives, packed in olive oil, and sweet bell peppers, either fried in olive oil or braised in vinegar.

How to Speak Chicagoese
 

I actually made the mistake of eating a few sliders sober the other day. Oh, man, you don't want to make that mistake.

How to Speak Chicagoese
 

I think I'm the only midwesterner to have never tried White Castle. Now I don't think it will ever happen.

Is Steak n Shake a midwest thing? God I wish there was one downtown...

How to Speak Chicagoese
 

It is a Midwest thing, but there are none in the city. Plenty in the burbs, though.

As for White Castle, I love them and Mrs. Hand hates them. HATES THEM. Can't be around them hates them. Therefore, I usually get them when I work late or on nights when she's out somewhere (there's one about 1 mile from my place).

I usually gorge on them, and then get sick and can't even look at them for a couple of months. Then I want them again... Repeat.

How to Speak Chicagoese
 

The thing to remember about sliders is that they are simultaneously steamed and fried. That's why the patties, which are tiny to begin with, have holes in them, so they'll steam through faster. It not only reners the burgers slimy, but it turns the bottom half of the bun to mush if they sit for longer than a nanosecond. Trust me, these babies should only be consumed if you are totally tanked.

What a drag it is being old (economy)
 

Did he really say casino revenues are needed to fund operations?

Is Chicago dying?

Gassy
 

I'm not usually one to comment on things like this or really care, since it's such a de minimis expense in the grand scheme of things, but holy shit:

$2.45 for regular unleaded??!!?? I still remember paying $.89 for it in the Summer of 1999.

Gassy
 

Move out here to West Podunk. We're only paying $1.91 in Will County.

Gassy
 

The gas station I go to in Will (barely), just bumped regular from $2.04 to $2.14 in the last three days...

Off the subject, just bought a very nice watch. Looking to (for kicks only) test the theory I heard in the local media (prompted by coverage of the Mickey Segal trial) that nice watches draw the cougars and the "working girls" in the Viagra Triangle on Rush...

Good times.

Gassy
 

What'd you get? Mine doesn't chum the waters, other than the occasional "did you get that as a gift or buy it for yourself?"

Gassy
 

A nice Tag, one of the ones in the recent Tiger Woods ads.

ETA: Post 200 on this board!! Woo Hoo!

I regularly wear one of my two nice, heavy expensive (by my standards, this means more than $1500 or so) watches (when I'm not too freaked out about getting mugged for them) and never really get any special attention from cougars and their ilk. Sometimes people compliment them, but in a sincere, "I recognize that watch" way. I think that there are so many guidos out there wearing flashy watches that aren't really that expensive that I don't think the diggers really notice subdued ones.

Or maybe my watches don't cut it, and it's not until you cross the five figure barrier that these types come after you.

Gassy
 

That's the way it should be. Man-jewelry shouldn't cost more than $500.

Edited to add that I would get a MUCH greater benefit from buying the girlfriend an expensive watch than buying one for myself.

I have a $300 watch that I absolutely beat the shit out of. Still tells time. Still looks great.

I just thought the whole idea was funny when I heard it... I doubt the working girls care if the guys are guidos, as long as they pay up.

Watches
 

I have a Patek that I inherited. It draws almost no attention at all, except for an occasional admiring glance from a collector. I assume the cougars think it's a Timex and I don't really pay attention to the working girls these days.

I was thinking more about the cougars and younger golddigger than the working girls. Are there really prostitutes who troll for johns near the viagra triangle?

Also, what was that triangle called before viagra?

Watches
 

Now THAT is a watch! I've been eyeing the 5110 for years, but, well, that's a spicy meatball!

I've never seen what I thought was a working girl in that area, but I probably don't know what to look for.

taxwonk triangle

Yes, they really do. They are the "high class call girl" types... They hang out the the upscale bars, looking for johns, typically guys in on business, etc. A recent news story said that some have local apartments or condos they work out of. They look for guys with expensive clothes, watches, etc. and strike up conversation with them, as they can apparently afford their rates.

Killing me softly
 

Boy, and I was such a gentleman when we met. Can't a guy get props on these boards?

Alright, after getting soaked for about a few days in a row, I'm getting a little sick of the fucking monsoon season we're having... It's currently looking pretty Old Testament outside.

Who's with me?

Me. My umbrella was useless. Soaked. Plus, I ended up getting drunk at a baseball game where not one pitch was thrown -- weds night at Sox Park -- 95 minute rain delay...then no game.

I'll join the choir. I'm sick of looking out the window of my brand new house in the sticks at the black, muddy mess that would be my beautiful new green lawn if it would stop raining long enough for them to put the fucking sod down.

Gassy
 

I think that I would have to get gas on the way there and the way back to go all the way to and from Will County, so it might not be cost-effective.

Whatever happened to Priceline's gas thing? I guess it never happened.

Gassy
 

Will Co. gas station I referred to earlier this week was up to $2.19 for regular unleaded today...

The Green Grass of Home
 

It's amazing how little it takes to make us suburbanites happy. They put my sod down this weekend, and I've spent probably a couple hours since then just gazing happily at my little expanse of green.

Of course, I'd still take a night in well, anywhere, with Sophie Marceau over my lawn. But until she realizes what she's missing, I'll get by on this.

grass
 

Please allow me to mentor you be telling you to water the living fuck out of that sod for the next month.

grass
 

Believe me, I will, to the extent the rain doesn't help me out.

Sox Game
 

So I went to the Sox game last night (Club Level - those are the only seats I will tolerate on 1/2-price Tuesdays), and AT LEAST 5 fights broke out. During every fight, surrounding fans ran to witness the fight and cheer it on.

Being a Sox fan, I can say that I really hate Sox fans.

I can say this about the Bears too...

Sox Game
 

They are a bunch of drunken hooligans there... I want to take my oldest to a game soon, but if I do it we'll have to sit in the club seats or somewhere kind of empty to avoid the vulgar ruffians that inhabit much of that place. No, Wrigley is not an option, and in many ways is no different.

Sox Game
 

Kane County Cougars. They are the grade A farm team for Oakland, and with what minor league players get paid, you know they have to be doing it because they like the game.

Reserved box seats are $10, parking is $2, and the concession stands are never mobbed. I plan on taking my kids to a coule games this year. I may never go to a major league game again.

I know this question wll be a waste of time...
 

But does anybody here have any inside track to the LMSB Regional Office in Chicago?