Fark Photoshops
 

You'll get over it.

Not Exactly the Razzies, But ...
 

It's not a "little bit" south of Carmel. If you are in Carmel, go to the bathroom and micturate. Even if you don't need to. Then do it again. Then find an upholstered chair, and lean over it, balancing on your pubic bone until you need to micturate a third time. Wait as long as it takes. Go a third time, and only then get back into the car.

If you're coming from the south, perform the same routine in Lucia. The problem is they don't have upholstered chairs in Lucia, so do this at your own risk.

Things I learned today by eavesdropping on a tow truck driver helping my neighbor.
 

[list=1][*]Carry your AAA/Better World car club card in your wallet. You'd be surprised how many people keep them in the glove compartment, then lock their keys in their car.[*]If your car has side curtain airbags, TELL THIS TO THE TOW TRUCK DRIVER before he tries to get into your locked car. A driver was killed when using a Slim Jim on such a car. The bag was activated and deployed, shooting the Slim Jim up through his chin, soft palate, and brain.[/list=1]

It turns out he was absolutely full of shit on the second account, but won't you feel like an ass if you don't follow his advice and rue the day. Besides, tow truck drivers apparently don't read NHTSA bulletins and will appreciate that you don't want to see them die in a freakish accident.

Forget what happens to those who don't believe in Jesus. This is what happens to those who don't believe in Darwin.

Harper's Index.
 

Number of indecency complaints to FCC in 2000: 350.
In 2001: 350.
In 2002: 14,000.
In 2003: 240,000.
Percent of such complaints in 2003 that were submitted by a single conservative group, the Parents Television Council, a self-appointed media watchdog: 99.8%.
Amount by which, following discovery of this fact, Michael Powell felt compelled by candor to qualify his sworn congressional testimony that there has been "a dramatic rise in public concern and outrage about what is being broadcast into their homes" in connection with his request for increased indecency fines: 0%.

It's morning in America.

Celeb sighting
 

You've all gone mad, I tell you. Mad. That ass is perfect.

AK's ass is a different variety than the rounder (Beyonce) or the more curvaceous (Hayek). Its not better or worse, just different. As far as my personal tastes go, AK's ass is perfect. You could bounce quarters off that ass, and it stands up so damn nicely. Of course, Selma Hayek's curvy ass is every bit as perfect because its tight and the curve on it is just perfect.

I can sorta understand the attraction to Beyonce and JLo's asses, but those asses just don't do it for me.

Harper's Index.
 

I think you mean "mourning".

Fark Photoshops
 

Yes, I know how the paigows/old skoolers feel about it.

Harper's Index.
 

Poor Colin. He should be President, but the old lady won't let him run. He gets stuck working with a pack of imcompetents and gets his agenda squashed by a senile relic from the Ford Admin. They give his job to a chick who has no clue what she's doing and 1/100th of his experience. And to add insult to injury, his kid manages to look like a bungling jackass in a patronage gig that could be easily performed by the average college communications major.

Note to Michael Powel (in case you read these boards while you're picking your nose and surfing the net during those hours before they take you to lunch): Do not write OpEds to the Journal or the Times. The only thing worse than your judgment is your prose. You make less points than David Brooks, and he's fucking learning disabled.**

** Note to Bill Buckley: Bill, stop praising Brooks in NR. You know he's a wimpering simp of a writer. He's never made any single point without dilluting it with a waterfall of caveats applauding his opponents' sensibility. That may make him likable, but it makes him impossible to respect. Admit your mistake and move on, like you did with Coulter, who is at least interesting in a "horrific car wreck" sort of way.

Celeb Butt sighting
 

Hot damn. No arguments here.

Who is she?

http://www.wackyweaselworld.com/vidaGuerra/vida32.jpg

http://scifi.pages.at/lilflipflava/Vida%20Guerra.jpg

http://auction4.comton.com/member/je...guerra_ph2.jpg

http://u.univision.com/contentroot/u...guerra_ph7.jpg

Her website says she's 34(c), 25, 37. Now THAT'S a ratio. I think I'm in love.

TM

Celeb Butt sighting
 

Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. Wow.

Celeb Butt sighting
 

Truly.

http://www.vidasworld.com/html/photos/12.jpg

http://www.vidasworld.com/html/photos/16.jpg

I guess she's a model and FHM’s 2003 Girl of the Year. I always wondered why people subscribed to FHM and Maxim. Is this what I've been missing?

TM

Harper's Index.
 

I was kind of buzzed in the airport in Cleveland a few weeks back and took an opportunity to scan the scenery to get a view of this "heartland" of ours. This is what I saw:

- More kankles than I could count on all the fingers in China;
- More trucker hats than an actual truck stop;
- More cholestrol laden cheese coated confections than are available at the average Oktoberfest;
- Brigades of children squeezed into tight, ill fitting pants sucking on 24 ox sodas and shovelling Nathan's hot dogs into their pie holes while grabbing their mothers' shirts and demanding to be taken into souvenir stands;
- More ill fitting suits than a guidance counselors' convention;
and;
- Seas of purple and aqua polyester-clad middle aged women draped in all sorts of shiny metal and sweatshirt type shirts.

Now, when we got on the plane, of course, there were scads of people doing the obligatory hand holding, as though a shared prayer will ensure the mechanic does not forget to properly afix a necessary wing bolt. And there was the young mulleted gentleman trying to swap a seat to get next to his nervous girlfriend who was sure we were all going to die, or just couldn't bear to be outside reach of his magically elfen hair. Everyone else was an androgynous woman waddling about in pleated jeans fixing this and that in her overhead bag like it was terribly important. I wanted to ask the stewardess to frisk these women - they were making me nervous with their constant movement. Then I realized, nobody'd bomb this plane.

Its not Morning in America. Its mid afternoon, and everybody's television is jammed on the Home Shopping Network.

Harper's Index.
 

I saw most of this in the Philadelphia airport last July. We are an ugly people Sebastian, and geographic boundaries don't change that. The problem is cheap flights that open the doors to the flotsam.

Celeb Butt sighting
 

I'm sure I'm annoying many, many people, but I can't stop.

Just go here: http://www.phun.org/phun/galleries/v...es-gallery.htm)

I that's the most perfect ass I've ever seen. Thank you, Diane Keaton.

TM