Not Exactly the Razzies, But ...
 

I feel sorry for your kids.

Celeb sighting
 

I don't want anyone who uses the phrase "touch the heinie" to paint any word pictures for me.

Speakerphone
 

You know those signs they put up in restaurants and stores?: "Not responsible for lost or stolen items" or "We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone."

I want to buy one and wear it around my neck that says: "Anyone talking on their speakerphone in public should not be surprised when I ram it down their ear, nose or throat. Thank you for your cooperation."

TM

Good god, people, could you stop
posting pictures that fuck
up the margins? I have enough
stress and eye strain. Having to scroll
to the side to read this stuff might
just put me over the edge.

Thank you.

Celeb sighting
 

I read it initially as "touch the hernia". Would that phrase work better for you?

Celeb sighting
 

I would have been more encouraged about the quality of the forthcoming "word picture" if the phrase had been "touch the hernia."

You are becoming an intolerable everything Timmy.

And her ass won't fit in normal margins.

More of her ass, please.

Celeb Butt sighting
 

Coltrane, you do this with every single picture
of a hot girl. You don't need to do it anymore.
We already know exactly what your reaction is.
We can see your chin hitting your desk and the
drool coming out of your mouth. There's nothing
wrong with the reaction, she's incredibly sexy.
I find these pictures arousing as well.
It's just that this kind of reaction makes you
seem kind of silly. It's sort of the equivalent of
saying, "wow, nice weather we're having," or
"Isn't G3 annoying?"

In other words, you are becoming an
intolerable horny doofus.

Celeb Butt sighting
 

Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. Wow you're a bitch.

Celeb Butt sighting
 

But she is hot.

Merry Christmas Mr. Marshall
 

You are most welcome. I laughed when I saw you post that butt picture cause I know we have the same taste in butts and that you must have somehow missed Vida's. I guess you don't watch hip hop videos. (Though I'm sure you will now). She seems like a pretty cool person so hopefully she'll end up with a record deal eventually. The next Shakira maybe? Shakira and Kylie can shimmy their butts perfectly, but they don't come close to Vida's.

Okay, whatever, I am NOT GAY. I'm just SAYING is all.

Diane

Celeb Butt sighting
 

They're all bitches, Shapey. Bitches and whores. Until I throw some money at them.

Speakerphone
 

In that same vein, all I can say is please please please please please ... NO!
Coltrane, my love, I was only teasing before, please don't go to www.fcc.gov and vote yes on this proposal.

Celeb Butt sighting
 

Would this have gone over better coming from a puppy in a basket? Or a kitten about to lose her grip?

Harper's Index.
 

I'm getting very irritated with the indecency complaints lately. The Governor of Vermont is thinking about removing a nude statue from his office in part because he's worried he'll break it (legitimate) and in part because he's worried that "there was concern that school children would see the nude."

Jesus Christ. Nude does not equal sex. Seeing nude statutes isn't going to kill kids or turn them into serial killers or over-sex them or hurt them in any way. Parents freaking out because their kid saw a boobie in a piece of art, on the other hand...

The new governor's press people did see the error in the "it will hurt the children" defense. "Gibbs said the governor was not concerned about school children seeing the statue. He said his comments last week that it might be hard for the governor to explain a nude statue to schoolchildren were an attempt at levity."

I'm seriously considering wearing a burka to protest every single time one of these complaints are made.