Chadguay
 

Axis of Evil Wannabees, by John Cleese

Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil", Libya,China and Syria today announced that they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil", which they said would be more evil than the Iran-Iraq-North
Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.

Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new Axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are just as evil . . . in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils . . . best at being evil ... we're the best."

Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told
us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.

"An axis can't have more than three counties", explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you
had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool."

Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain
triumvirate status in what has become a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced
that they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat Evil", forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of Occasionally Evil", while Bulgaria,
Indonesia and Russia established the "Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as Just Generally Disagreeable".

With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis of
Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be
Asked to Host the Olympics". Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That
Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty
Thoughts About America", while Scotland,
New Zealand and Spain established the "Axis of Countries That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick". "That's not a threat, really, just something we like to
do", said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.

While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axes, although he
rejected the establishment of the "Axis of Countries Whose Names End in 'Guay", accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the
charges.

Work sucks
 

Work totally sucks. There are days I wish I could do anything else. But off subject - here's something that made me laugh through the tears.
I am a time traveler
Excerpt..."Those of you who listened to my latest interview with Art on Coast to Coast AM on May 19/20 heard me discuss rumors being spread throughout the internet concerning whether or not I am a time traveler (chrononaut from the future). I stated several times on the air that I will neither confirm nor deny that rumor. Here are additional clues a to whether or not my origin is from the future.

If I am a time traveler, I most definitely would be from the 35th century when teleportation is developed as a means of time travel. Teleportation as a local means of transportation is established by the 25th century, as I discussed in my book Past Lives- Future Lives.

The 35th century is truly a golden age. More advance will be made technologically and spiritually in that century than in any other in history! The average age is between 500 and 900 years old due to an energy charging device called the alphasyncolarium that stimulates our adrenal glands and gonads to increase its production of the hormone DHEA. DHEA is a sex hormone that functions as a major component of our immune system and is described in detail in my book Look Younger, Live Longer."

There is space available...

time travelers I have met
:dance2:

He said gonads. heh heh heh.

Hooters
 

"Can any of you Bay Area folks tell me how the City feels about getting a Hooters franchise at the Wharf? That just seems silly."

There have been several articles in the Chron - http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/search/fas...d&word=hooters . Unsurprisingly, I have no problem with it.

What do you drink?
 

Like $9.00 a twelve-pack. I was kidding about the price being an issue -- I happen to like the taste. I have tried just about every beer out there (even did one of those MBA things in law school at the pub across the street and had to drink 60 different beers in 45 days or something like that) and I keep coming back to Bud. I'll have a Brador on occasion if I can get my hands on some. In the summer I like some Mike's Hard Lemonade. I suppose my choices indicate that if I had taken a wrong turn in life I would be perfect white trailer-trash right now. Who knows, maybe I am trash but just happen to have a lotta money.

Shock the monkey, or I'm shocked to find gambling going on at this casino.
 

Go figure.

I've gotten that one, and surprise that a lawyer would spend a whole flight reading Vogue and W (uh, 'cause the UCC is such good plane material).

I've also gotten "you're too nice to live here, you must be new in town" (I've lived in NYC off and on for nearly 15 years, but I admit, I am too nice for NYC).

I've gotten surprise about my height - people usually add about 4 inches. And shock about my weight - people usually subtract about 20 pounds. The two may be related.

I've gotten surprise about my hometown (apparently I don't emote "Patch-ville").

I've gotten surprise about my education (I do "sweet as sugar little unthreatening nice-girl you'd bring home to mama 'cause she'd make a fine wife" really well - this is an invaluable negotiation strategy).

I've gotten total shock about the subject I studied. (I have no clue why.)

I used to get surprise about my age (usually thought to be older). Apparently now I look about right (early 30s).

I always, always get surprise about the language I use after a couple drinks. I will just say anything.

Shock the monkey, or I'm shocked to find gambling going on at this casino.
 

I get this all the time - a guy in the elevator asked me what I do (in a non-hitting on, just making conversation type of way) and when I told him he said I didn't look old enough to be out of college yet. Might have been the casual dress and ponytail that did it that day, but I'm pretty sure I look my age. I went to pick up something from a (non-law related) city office and had told the person on the phone I was an attorney. When I got there (yes, in a suit) she asked "Where's your mama? - because you ain't old enough to be a lawyer" which cracked me up. What do you say to that?

I know I don't look mean either - some people are just intimidating even when they don't mean to be - I envy those people....If I want to intimidate someone I have to put a lot of effort into it.

-TL

Work sucks
 

I want his "Fifth Dimension Travel exercise or cassette tapes." They sound like a rockin good time.

yesterday's article
 

Think of it as market forces in action. The New York Times has a monopoly -- it is the paper of record, and no other paper in the country is going to spend the money it would take to compete with it. The Washington Post and LA Times and some others will compete on individual stories, but not on the overall package. So the NYT is going to be arrogant, which produces the recent sloppiness.

Fox and MSNBC are selling attitude, because it's cheap to have a point of view, cheaper then spending the money it would take to do solid reporting that's better than the other guy's.

The Atlantic hasn't been interesting in a while. I don't know why, because I haven't been reading it, except on long plane flights. I like Harper's, even if Lewis Lapham should leave that poor dead horse alone for a little while.

(We can decamp for the Politics Board with this stuff anytime.)

yesterday's article
 

Thanks, and sorry, I didn't understand you right but I do now. I felt it read like an opinion piece too, and was amused when he got, as you say, snitty with me for sharing my opinion on it. And no, it isn't a world crisis. Actually, kind of amusing, if a sad statement on the press. What do we expect. The New York Times cannot get it right, why would we expect a legal journal to do so.

Work Sucks
 

What is a travel exercise or cassette tape? Do you travel and exercise with them. And don't forget the "time traveler magnets" that no home should be without.

What do you drink?
 

I know it probably didn't take a lot of effort but hell I was touched that you did that. I mean that too -- absolutely no sarcasm. I guess that means I don't get nearly enough protein. I like really sharp cheddar cheese (once I get past the milk thing) so maybe I should eat more of that to get some protein. This is definitely something that I will look into because I am getting older and more worried about things like this.

Thanks
:kisscheek

What do you drink?
 

Try beans, also.

Ketchup? Where Ketchup?
 

Amen. That's why I scrupulously avoid the In-N-Outs in Northern California, and only patronize the Mountain View and Gilroy locations.

There is a rumor going 'round that the only empty lot within five miles of my house is going to be an In-N-Out/Krispy Kreme combo (which is how they build them up here nowadays). This will test my resolve. Within three weeks I'll look like John Goodman swallowed Taxwonk.

Misc. fashion stuff
 

I only go because the run from Chrissy Field to PacBell Park is great exercise. It's like your own obstacle course every day from Aquatic Park to Pier 31 or so, hurdling tired tourists, boxing out the peddlers on the sidewalk and skirting the "angst-filled" skateboarders who can't even learn to ollie a 6" curb.

As for Hooters, don't really care. Most residents of the City never really spend time at the Wharf, so we won't see it. It will bring in revenue from the tourists and San Rafaelians. We have bigger problems to bitch about here, including the Interim Chief of Police, Willie Brown STILL being in office, the looming fights over care for the homeless, and taking down the Fell St. offramp from the 101.

C(and dodging the Bachelors as they struggle to stretch their 15 minutes)deuced

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher?
 

Is he smokin crack?
Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher are going public with their romance — sort of. The 41-year-old “Charlie’s Angels” star and the 25-year-old “Dude, Where’s My Car” hottie — who have been coy about whether they’re indeed an item — stunned partygoers with their heavy petting at Sean “P. Diddy” Combs’ post-MTV Movie Awards bash over the weekend. “THERE WERE a lot of famous faces there, but everyone kept staring at Demi and Ashton,” says our eyewitness. “They were all over each other the entire night. It was embarrassing!”
Among the other guests at the Beverly Hills soirée, where Combs played D.J., were Michael Jackson, Sharon and Kelly Osbourne, Josh Hartnett and Beyoncé Knowles.
Spokesmen for the stars weren’t available for comment.