Paging pretty little second grader
 

Sorry to hear that you needed more surgery, wonk. Get better.

Visual Aids, My Dear
 

1. You are an admitted 40 plus woman* trawling a chat board for sexual self esteem. Yes, you get me rock hard.

2. I never mentioned my secretary once. Don't mix threads, Eunice.

3. As to the slicing and dicing, you present my statement that I'd pay for my wife to get plastic work done while omitting that I said that I too would have plastic surgery if I got fat. That omission is not error - you intentionally did so to intimate that I'm sexist. I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't force me to waste posts untwisting someone else's spin of my previous posts.

Visual Aids, My Dear
 

JFF,

If there was such a thing as the "Anti-DH Lawrence," it'd be you. You might be the most unerotic writer ever.

"Money shot" writing may be funny, perhaps amusing, maybe even titilating in a base sense, but it ain't sexy. Howard Stern is overtly sexual, but I don't think anyone gets turned on by his humor.

You have a real talent for turning sex discussions into clinical analyses - the language is dry and overly-descriptive. I feel like I'm reading "The Naked Ape" or some Natl Geographic piece on baboon copulation ("And then the female, with her flushed red vulva exposed, presents for the male...").

There's a difference between a naughty conversation about hard nipples poking through a co-worker's shirt and your "Then my husband became erect when he saw my rose colored nipples and tanned buttocks" shtick. The former is funny, and funny is sexy. The latter is creepy, and creepy ain't sexy.

You can't give someone sexuality... some folks just don't have it, despite their most vehement protests to the contrary. I've known many women who cooed about how great the were in the sack, and they all sucked. Its the ones who crack me up and want to have a good time who turn out to be the best.

I am turned on by the nipples, but its the head that "closes the deal."

S(we're not a simple as you think... we dig the wit)D

Are you a man?
 

It puts the clothes in the basket or it gets the hose.

TM

Are you a man?
 

Lotion, not clothes. It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.

http://www.infinit.com/sections/medi...e_lambs_06.jpg

Yes, I have moved to Gaylord, MN. The burritos are better here. And the men are infinitely hotter.

In defense of Elvis
 

We already have a Thurgreed. Who can actually pull the translation thing off in a funny way. Get your own schtick

Yawn . . . Denver Fans Walk Out of Pearl Jam Show
 

This article is the stupidest thing I have read this morning:

Denver Fans Walk Out of Pearl Jam Show

DENVER - Dozens of fans walked out of a Pearl Jam concert after lead singer Eddie Vedder (news) took a mask of President Bush (news - web sites) and impaled it on a microphone stand.

Several concertgoers booed and shouted Tuesday night for Vedder to shut up as he told the crowd he was against the war and Bush. He impaled the mask during the encore of the band's opening show of a U.S. tour.

"It was like he decapitated someone in a primal ritual and stuck their head on a stick," fan Keith Zimmerman said.

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmp...oncert_walkout

Barbi Benton Beav Style Poll
 

I have absolutely no idea who you are but was wondering if you are a boy or a girl.

Yawn . . . Denver Fans Walk Out of Pearl Jam Show
 

Asked for comment after the show, Vedder seemed perplexed, "I didn't think much of the mask thing... I just figured everyone left because we've been singing the same exact song for the last decade plus." One fan, Jennifer, 15, of Lower Coumbine, noted her displeasure at not hearing her favorite Pearl jam tunes, "I just wanted to hear 'Black'... that song's, like, so deep. It put me to sleep each night after my cat, Knuckles, was run over by a drunk kid on an ATV."

S(And for you, Jennifer, here's out long distance dedication...)D

gorilla salad
 

It is posts like these that quash any remote urge I ever have to expeirment with bisexuality. I do not know how you guys and some of your girls do it.

Are you a man?
 

Can't take any credit for that. Barely_beagle told me PG was her guess and she is dead on.

TM

peal jam fans are stupid
 

i can hear casey casem now: "we are now to long distance dedication time. this is from jennifer of lower coumbine colorado. dear casey, recently there was a death in my family - a little cat named knuckles. i realize that this might seem strange to you, but he really met a lot to my family and it would mean a lot if you would play . . . this is bullshit. i want someone here to use their fucking head around here and not come out of an upbeat record and talk about a fucking cat dying"

ms. naughty diplomat

gorilla salad
 

Is this some sort of admission that you are sporting an untamed jungle? Your avatar suggests a Hitler or viciously cropped landing strip, but you are a Crowes fan with hippy sensibilities.

I was an altar boy and a cub scout - munching is a hell of a lot easier than swallowing.

S(Is this a threshhold I needed to pass?)D

huh?
 

Mister Revolving Not So Funny Moniker Guy:

I challenge you to find

1) one funny gattigap post
2) one gattigap post where he shitstomps me.

I would say that I have been "shitstomped" by Less and TM and thats probably it. THe other attempts were to weak and easily consumed by the raging flames I fired back. Most people cant handle my heat and when they try, they crash burn and disappear as most recently demonstrated by Adder and Durden.

Dont fuck with the paigow.