LawTalkers - Fashionistas you have arrived 3-25-03

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Continuation of my saga from a long time ago (spring 2001)

Quote:

Originally posted by MisterEbola
So quick with the responses....

How many of the advice givers here are actually married???

Marriage and the kids are tough things to dispense with. Not the same as a three-week fling.

I am divorced and I have been through the divorces of several close friends. Most without children though. I agree that kids add a whole other dimension (heck, I am a child of divorce) but I also agree that staying together "for the kids" probably is not doing them any favors if the living situation in the house is miserable anyways.

All divorces tend to contain similar elements and similar feelings. Many times the party seeking the divorce is treated badly by people that they try to confide in/rely upon. It is never an easy process.

Quote:

Originally posted by MisterEbola
I'm fully aware of the duration - as noted in the subject line of the original post. However, given that he's STILL posting messages on this issue two years later leads me to believe that there is still significant ambivilence in the poster - especially with respect to the kiddies.

If he's been telling her, for a year or more, that "he's not sure but he thinks he wants a divorce", it's no wonder she's on meds. What a way to punish someone, and to guarantee that the other person just gradually withdraws. I see the "let's have another kid" thing as a "ok, make up your mind NOW" push. And, he should.

Quote:

He's not ambivalent. He knows what he wants. He just wants a bunch of people to tell him he's right. He's already made up his mind. Bilmore is right. Talking about divorce for years is unfair. She probably thinks he's having a mini mid-life crisis and will be grounded again once it's over. She's moving on, assuming that he doesn't really want to pull the trigger. He makes her sound nuts (asking for another kid when it seems like their life is in chaos), but I think what's going on is that he's pretending that their life isn't in as much chaos as he thinks it is in his head and he's making her believe he still wants to be with her.

TM

Quote:

Originally posted by paigowprincess
and in other more important dilemmas, Queer Eye for the Straight GUy is on at the same time as What Not To Wear. Two brilliantly catty funny shows, on at the same time. The only two I watch. I may have to get that fucking tivo after all, even if it means I am admitting that I watch so much tv that I have to pay another six hundred for it and have another complicated electronic device in the house. What does it say about me that I am willing to consider paying even more dinero to watch the lives of others. Just sad.

You're like Deal Toy with the fucking Tivo already. Shut up and buy one. You're not fooling anyone, including yourself, into thinking that you don't watch 100 hours of tv, so stop yapping and whip out the plastic. You've been talking about it as long as Deal Toy has been talking about divorce.

TM

Continuation of my saga from a long time ago (spring 2001)

Quote:

Originally posted by dealtoy
My marriage in on a runaway train about to crash. W/out getting into all of the details. My wife and I had been talking about divorce for the past year, and I had been thinking about it for much longer. A few weeks back, she told me that she couldn't take this divorce talk anymore and that I should just tell her when and if I wanted a divorce, but she didn't want to hear about it anymore. She also told me that if I wasn't committed to her she was going to change the kids summer plans...., etc. I was to weak to be completely honest and I kind of let her on that I thought things were getting better. (my bad)

Meanwhile, I am miserable and becoming more and more convinced that I need to end this, and she is becoming more and more convinced that she wants another child. I have tried to gently move her away from the child issue in order to buy a little more time for us to figure out what's going on, but she has been putting a lot of pressure on. (before you comment on this -- I am not going to have another child with her so no need to tell me not to).

To make a long story short, she got her period a few days ago and decided that now was the time to have the kid. We were scheduled to visit my son in camp this past sunday and I was afraid of her anger and how it would affect our plans so I didn't argue with her. She called me this morning to tell me that she talked to an OB/GYN and that she was going to switch from Celexa to Prozac and going to go off her birth control tonight and that she wanted to go out to dinner to celebrate that we are going to have a new baby.

I can't continue living this lie and I have to tell her that I am miserable and I want a divorce.

Do I agree to go to dinner with her?
Do I tell her I have to work late and come home and talk to her?
Do I try to get into our couples therapist tomorrow for a session and try to stall her for a day?

What if she wants to leave tonight with my 4 year old? Do I try to stop her?

My other two are away in camp. I thought I could keep this together until they were back in school, but that isn't happening.

I spoke to my therapist and he said it sounds like I am sure. I don't feel sure. He also said that he thinks I tried hard. I wonder about that.

This is so hard, and I am so petrified.

She is going to be angry and say that I tricked her.
She is going to be crying and devestated and say that I ruined her life.

My kids are going to be upset that this happened while they were away.
They are going to feel betrayed.

I am so frightened, but so tired of this deception.

And then I question myself, maybe I should be trying. But then I tell myself I have tried for so long and can't see how this could ever get better.

Thanks for your thoughts.

DT:

Stop getting therapy and stop bouncing ideas off an on-line chat board. Your therapist already told you what you need to do and an online chat board is not the appropriate forum for analyzing life decisions as important as yours.

Go home, sit down with a legal pad for many hours and plot out all the pros and cons of leaving your marriage. Look at both lists and try to determine whether staying or leaving is the clear winner. And be honest with yourself when making the list - don't pile up pros to counter cons and create a false dead heat between the columns to justify further hand-wringing and agonal analysis.

You make this decision mainly alone, like nearly all really life-altering decisions, and you should do so logically, not based on swaying emotions or the errant suggestions of people who's biases you don't even know.

S(now kill this thread)D

TdfF Update (Spoiler Free for today's stage)

Quote:

Originally posted by evenodds
I would think Pantani is prepping for the Vuelta.

I don't know what the fuck all those idiots are thinking running around in front of a bunch of pissed-off bulls. They ought to be relaxing over a good dinner with a map plotting viewing spots for the Vuelta.

Viva Espana! (can't figure out how to make the right 'n' or the little upside-down exclamation point)

Speaking of bad marriages....

So, I was at a mediation yesterday, and while the mediator was telling opposing counsel that there was no way her client's neck injury was worth $1 million, I flipped thru the latest "People" magazine.*

My comments on the JFK Jr./Carolyn saga:

(1) I had no idear that the book was written by a real journalist. Or someone who used to be a real journalist. How does one go from the NYT to this?

(2) Did slave nail Carolyn at some point? The allegations make it look like they may have met at Moomba's sometime in the late 1990s.

(3) The Cindy Crawford picture on the cover of the first issue of "George" still makes me smile.

*OK, that's a lie -- the damn thing caught my eye at MegaBooks, and I hid my shame at buying it by hiding it between an "Economist" and a "Utne Reader."

Quote:

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
You're like Deal Toy with the fucking Tivo already. Shut up and buy one. You're not fooling anyone, including yourself, into thinking that you don't watch 100 hours of tv, so stop yapping and whip out the plastic. You've been talking about it as long as Deal Toy has been talking about divorce.

TM

Yes, buy the goddamn TIVO and shut up about it. Its fucking $299.00. It ain't going to break you. And trust me - you'll fucking love it. It is the greatest invention I've ever had the pleasure of owning... next to Basil Hayden's.

Quote:

I just totally chaied. LOL!

I guess its like the $150 jeans that make my ass look so bootylicious, a chocolate chip cookie binge when I am PMSing , DealToy's first divorce and cigarettes after not smoking. I know ts inevitable, so it might as well just be done so life can move on.

TdfF Update (Spoiler Free for today's stage)

Quote:

Originally posted by evenodds

Vino is certainly on the best form of his life and he is a serious threat. Does anyone know how well he time trials?

Looks like he finished 3d in the TdSuisse TT and 5th in the Paris-Nice TT (or maybe I have those reversed). Anyway, based on those results he's good but not about to blow away the entire field.

Quote:

If I recall correctly, it was an abusive relationship, and I know those can sometimes take longer to leave.

Excuse me, but the lifetime subscription makes it around six hundred and I am saving up to have my boobs inflated and/or put my kids through college. My friends just bought a gogeous house in paradise and I am like, totally inspired by this. I may even get rid of Showtime since Queer as folk now sucks.

Quote:

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Yes, buy the goddamn TIVO and shut up about it. Its fucking $299.00. It ain't going to break you. And trust me - you'll fucking love it. It is the greatest invention I've ever had the pleasure of owning... next to Basil Hayden's.

Quote:

Originally posted by paigowprincess
I may even get rid of Showtime since Queer as folk now sucks.

You might as well anyway, it's done for the season.

Not to advocate theft or anything but just download the stupid show from Kazaa, because no way in hell is it worth paying whatever they charge for showtime every month.

Ok, so I'm advocating theft. Whatever.

Quote:

Originally posted by Jack Manfred
But can we assume that a Texas-born woman, just entering her thirties and just exiting what was formerly a storybook marriage, will be good in the sack?

Dunno about the exiting a storybook marriage part, but you can make the assumption about a woman who meets the rest of that criteria. ;-)

Quote:

Originally posted by paigowprincess
Excuse me, but the lifetime subscription makes it around six hundred and I am saving up to have my boobs inflated and/or put my kids through college. My friends just bought a gogeous house in paradise and I am like, totally inspired by this. I may even get rid of Showtime since Queer as folk now sucks.

PP:

Don't get the lifetime subscription - buy it per month for $15.99. The way I figure, the lifetime deal isn't worth it because by the time you've used up the dough you spend for it, there will be a new technology which will work better than TIVO so you'll want to throw out the TIVO anyway.

I am totally depending on relatives dying to put kids through college. That or the kids will have to get scholarships. I can't fathom wasting the money on schools that my folks wasted on me.

As to the home, well... I wouldn't buy right now. This market is so inflated you'll never get your $$$ back out of the home. Of course, some realtor will tell you there's no better time than now because of rates, but that whole pitch is illusory, unless you believe prices don't rise inversely to wipe out any gain you get from plummeting rates. There will be a short window in a few months when the housing market tanks but rates haven't really risen meteorically yet during which time you'll be able to steal a house. I'd start looking now and pray for a housing market crash.

S(Waiting for the crash so I can steal some property)D