Etiquette at the Gym
 

Sign up sheets in gyms are going to give you a heart attack? That's kind of ironic. And also pretty weird. I'd tell you to smoke a bowl and mellow out, but I know how the weed just gets you into one of those paranoid, heart-racing panic attacks. Maybe you should take up Zen?

Etiquette at the Gym
 

Sebby strikes me as the kind of guy who would bored as hell in a yoga class.

Car Talk
 

Sometimes it means something different entirely.

Car Talk
 

Like, "I want to stick my thumb somewhere"?

Car Talk
 

Have you been to CES lately? Those Japanese have some crazy stuff.

Etiquette at the Gym
 

Take a hint, pokey. Stop hogging the machine and let the friggin' guy work in.

Car Talk
 

Speaking of "thumbs up," my sisters and I have started an experiment of giving the "thumbs down" instead of the finger to the drivers of cars that piss us off. The reactions have been pretty hysterical, as most drivers are prepared for a hand gesture that implies that the driver is an asshole, and they are automatically prepared to be defensive. Then they get a hand gesture indicating disappointment and regret (it helps the gesture if you shake your head sadly) in the driver's previous behavior, and they start looking contrite and apologetic.

Everyone expects the finger. No one expects the thumbs down.

It's been fun. I've had to use it a lot.

Etiquette at the Gym
 

So you make your wife make all the dinner reservations. Got it.

Car Talk
 

I like that. Fucking Lamborghini (sp?) cutting me off. But he didn't know the traffic patterns, so I ended up way ahead of him anyway.

Etiquette at the Gym
 

I almost went sushi in response. Then I realized, this isn't worth it.

Car Talk
 

That's excellent. Yesterday, I was jostling with this dude getting out of the subway, and he seemed pretty pissed off that I wasn't letting him get ahead of me. Finally, when he couldn't take it any more, he angrily spat, "Where are YOU going?" to which I sweetly replied, "Ahead of you!"

The absence of profanity clearly threw him, because his only reply was, "Uh... Very funny."

Talk about your withering retorts!

Etiquette at the Gym
 

I'm fast. Fuck him.

Car Talk
 

It is a she. And no, she doesn't kiss my ass. I offer her food sometimes like roasted almonds from starbucks. she's really sweet.

As for my husband he's a good person.

And as for the thumbs up and the waving? If I really was a tubby would they do that? You're so wack.

Car Talk
 

That is because you're smaht as well as funny and hot.

He must have been like, um, yeah that's it.

Car Talk
 

YES, THEY WOULD. It's like a "you go, girl!"

Car Talk
 

Ahem. is this a personal experience sharing thing?

Etiquette at the Gym
 

I don't want to go anywhere I have to mkae reservations for. I'm not a restaurant nut. I like the drinks, and they taste the same everywhere.

Etiquette at the Gym
 

How do you feel about dress codes in restaurants? Thumbs up or down?`

Etiquette at the Gym
 

You should wave to her and give her a thumbs'-up. I hear people do that to hot women all the time, though personally I cannot imagine many things quite so retarded.

Car Talk
 

I don't run. I see it happen. However, maybe LA/Dallas/wherever people are nicer than NYC-area people.

Etiquette at the Gym
 

You don't pore over the Zagat's to go to the next-best-thing?

Heh.

I used to be a foodie in Boston. Not so much here.

Car Talk
 

Driver's day off?

Car Talk
 

Don't burst her bubble. I'm convincing her on PM that when they yell "Timmy!" it's code for "I want you."

Etiquette at the Gym
 

Thumbs-up, but only if it's a very nice, very good, and elegant restaurant -- not some loud, cavernous, pretentious place. If a three-star in Paris that has been serving graciously for 300 years wants me to wear a jacket and tie, I'm fine with that.

Car Talk
 

IRL I told that to an assoc that I am friends with and the hot paralegal here...and he was like "hey that must make ya feel good that they think you're sexy"

he is the same one that said "you're so cute when you rock that menswear look"

Etiquette at the Gym
 

What about French Laundry.

Etiquette at the Gym
 

If the waiters are chubby, thumbs up!

In general, three thumbs down.

Etiquette at the Gym
 

I flip them off.

Etiquette at the Gym
 

Until you learn to relax and deal with your sign-up sheet hypertension issues, that third thumb is always going to be down.

Car Talk
 

ChipsLaw?

Car Talk
 

Nope this guy is on vacation right now.

Etiquette at the Gym
 

Can someone explain how signups are bad or prevent you from getting your workout? Doesn't a total free for all erupt if, for example, two or more people are waiting for a treadmill, perhaps unbeknownst to each other? Without a signup, who wins? My gym is signup only and it is fair and reasonable and generally avoids confrontation. I go to the gym to work out, not to do some sick power play or to wait around until someone decides to let me workout. I show up, I sign up, the machine I sign up for is mine for the time I am signed up on it, end of story, no argument. I will not let you finish up "just five minutes" if it cuts into my time, and I am not rude for saying "I signed up. NOW." A person who refuses to follow signup rules and asks me to forfeit my time is rude.

Etiquette at the Gym
 

You keep telling yourself it's all about how you use that pinky.

Deadwood parody
 

Now I'm confused. I thought you met so that he could assess you. You write about this as though it was a potential date or hookup....

Etiquette at the Gym
 

Dissent. I don't keep a regimented schedule. I make time to go to the gym, and use whatever machine is open when I get there. I don't ask anyone to forfeit anything. I just go to the next open machine. Sometimes, if they're all full, I lift weights instead.

I don't mind the guy who has only so much time and comes running in and wants to use a machine. But the prick who comes in and signs up to use a then empty machine 20 minutes later - so he can do his lifting and stretches first - then throws a person who's gotten on the machine in the meantime off the machine is just a douche. Cardio stuff is the most used in the gym. It should never sit idle while some prima donna twit waits for his alloted time. He has an obligation to use it as soon as he sees it open.

Car Talk
 

I don't live there, but based on you driving record I think I speak for everyone in Texas when I say, you should keep both hands on the wheel.

TM

Car Talk
 

if the inflatable dolls are cool, you'd save the hooker bucks and can get dry cleaning and carry out with the savings! didn't you have any economics courses?

Etiquette at the Gym
 

Um, why can't you check the signup sheets and use a machine that no one has signed up for? Since you indicated there were a bunch of empty machines. It's pretty assholey to be on the one machine that someone signed up for when there are a bunch of empty non-signed up for machines around.

My gym does not have signup sheets though there's a posted but unenforced 45-min limit. Sometimes (gasp!) I don't get to use my favorite model of elliptical trainer (there are 3 of them) and have to use one of the other 5 varieties.

Deadwood parody
 

Good one. I see you and raise you:

I was working all night in my office
When a man I had recently killed
Called me up from a phone near my building
So I looked out the window at him
He had the same obsequious manner
That was the reason I had him killed
So to calm my nerves I sang this song
To him, over the phone

Turn around, turn around
There's a thing there that can be found
Turn around, turn around
It's a human skull on the ground
Human skull on the ground
Turn around

Etiquette at the Gym
 

All the nuts roll downhill to Florida.