b-n-b, brace yourself
 

I'm not older than you are, either, but I could introduce you to some women who may be taking early retirement soon . . .

b-n-b, brace yourself
 

Oooh ooh I have nice hair, pass *me* a straw too!

Etiquette at the Gym
 

I feel like I'm listening to Maladroit.

b-n-b, brace yourself
 

But I'm younger at heart.

Deadwood parody
 

She gives the illusion, at least, of being able to pick and choose who's getting the whipping and doing the boot-licking. I sure couldn't do it, regardless.

Deadwood parody
 

There was a dominatrix at the Sex Worker's Art Show two years ago that had a fairly hilarious standup routine. She said that she never had to hire a maid because she could always just get one of her clients to clean her house. One of her clients begged and begged her to become his full time mistress. She said she was very irritated that she was mean to someone and wasn't getting paid for it. She seemed like the nicest dominatrix that you'd ever want to meet. I think one could locate her through Craigslist in Chicago.

b-n-b, brace yourself
 

Transplant?

Deadwood parody
 

I'm sure she can. But I'd have to find my slaves appealing in one way or another. Unless the money was really, really good. I have seen professionals putting on shows (you know, people come up to get whipped or beat or whatever- so more the physical rather than the real slave stuff), and I suppose just doing that I'd care less whether they were icky or not, but if that woman is one of those who actually does like one-on-one training, I hope she is very picky.

b-n-b, brace yourself
 

Fresh scar tissue.

Deadwood parody
 

Did you see this at a club or private party or something else? Watching someone get whipped would make me queasy, even if they wanted it.

Deadwood parody
 

Forget the whips and bootlicking -- I'd be all over the house cleaning punishment. "You've been a bad bad boy. Here's a toothbrush. Now get in there and scrub my toilet."

Car Talk
 

That was one of my proudest moments.

Deadwood parody
 

I can totally see you doing that. Quick, someone help Fugee write her criagslist ad!

Deadwood parody
 

Hell, I've seen it on the street. The Folsom Street Fair in SF is an experience that everyone should have.


I wonder -- when you call a dominatrix for the first time, does she ask "are you fat? Do you smell bad? Are you ugly? Do you have skidmarks on your underwear?"* Or does she just wait until you show up to decide how close she's gonna get with the whip?



*Note how I studiously avoided having my hypothetical domme ask "are you a fat stumpy Asian chick with good hair and a not-pretty face?" I am *SO* over that.

b-n-b, brace yourself
 

I understand.

b-n-b, brace yourself
 

I'd make a bleeding heart joke, but I'd rather you just stay the fuck healthy, brother

Deadwood parody
 

Hmm...... Yesterday you were discussing your lap dance experience. Today this. I'm sensing a pattern.

Are you Fugee's more adventurous sock?

b-n-b, brace yourself
 

2. Take care of yourself, Wonkster.

b-n-b, brace yourself
 

I'll be nice to you. here is a straw.

b-n-b, brace yourself
 

If you were Hank, I could say I really did break your heart.

Deadwood parody
 

Club, and also demos at a sex expo. I will say there was no broken skin or anything, and it wasn't violent (to me, anyway). Some people were in cuffs and chained to a bar hanging from the ceiling, and some were bent over and attached to a big chair made for the purpose. Mostly women standing, men bending over. It was fine, fun, interesting, different, though some of the folks (particularly those lining up for the beatings) were a little way too happy and strange about it. But most people seemed normal.

Deadwood parody
 

And I could finally get my library all in order: "You retard. Cookbooks go in the cookbook section, not in general nonfiction! And who taught you the alphabet, moron? Now you have to re-shelve them; and I want them perfect this time."

Deadwood parody
 

Last weekend in Sept! (I think)

Deadwood parody
 

Holy Moly I was right, indeedy you are a closet dominatrix. or, domesticatrix.

Deadwood parody
 

I am currently and temporarily woefully short of leather, and I haven't yet met Fugee (though she did give me book recommendations).

b-n-b, brace yourself
 

No big. I owe my success to better living through chemistry.

b-n-b, brace yourself
 

drugas?

b-n-b, brace yourself
 

Yes, dear, but not the ones you're thinking of.

Deadwood parody
 

Would you make him use the toothbrush after cleaning your toilet with it or is this just bush-league stuff?

b-n-b, brace yourself
 

I meant the ones that are researched mainly in New Jersey? Remember, I used to do patent. Some of those applications we may have prosecuted. or licensed.

b-n-b, brace yourself
 

I'm probably taking at least one or two you worked on. I have a whole fucking pharmacy at home.

b-n-b, brace yourself
 

I'm sure. poor baby. Those pharma patents are the hardest to work on, I feel not from an atty standpoint necessarily but from an admin standpoint.....hard to edit the chemical formulations and drawings and very complex in nature. hang in there, you will be fine.

Deadwood parody
 

Dipped in bleach and rinsed thoroughly -- you don't want to make them sick.

Deadwood parody
 

Uh oh, someone's thinking awfully hard about this stuff.

Deadwood parody
 

It certainly explains Mr. Man's breath.

Deadwood parody
 

No logic in college?

1 ncs' shit doesn't stink

therefore

2 her toilet doesn't stink

therefore

3 the toothbrush is clean to begin with.

Car Talk
 

I remember that - you got the assist from Sebby, right? The way he would yell "go right!" and pass left used to leave the opposition rooted to the floor.

Deadwood parody
 

The Mr. doesn't use the toilet?

Deadwood parody
 

he has to hold it, or he gets it.

Deadwood parody
 

But he wants it. Win-win!