And now for something completely the same... [FB]
 

Back to the sex talk...

Carry on.

Sorry, couldn't think of a better name. It was either this or "Mr. Hand's Wild Ride..."

Trying to keep expectations low, are you?

Well the "Wild Ride" is definitely an E-ticket ride, so yeah...

The Truth
 

You can't handle a wild ride!!!!

A contest fit for the FB
 

A parody contest from the Bonny Doon winery. Details

What We Seek
1. Authors should parody a great poem, song, libretto or famous passage from a novel or essay. English only please.

2. All submissions must include references to:
a. At least one Bonny Doon wine (extra kudos for each additional Bonny Doon wine included)
b. A cigar
c. A spaceship

Even more kudos if you work in a reference to “The unfortunate incident with the kilt”

Though entries in excess of 750 words will be considered, they will darken our judges’ highly arbitrary opinion of your submission.

Entry deadline is April 15th – the same day as another rather famous deadline.

Considering all the song parodies penned by FBers, I'm expecting the winning entry to come from this crowd.

Dehhhh-rrrrreccck
 

D-Rays beat Moose twice
Yanks sink but Tigers lossless
World turned upside down.

That is so hot.

God I need to get laid.

AI--Reginald Dwight
 

S

P

O

I

L

E

R


Having Elton John's songs as the theme for the evening meant certain doom for the women non-gospel singers and for John Stevens. Say what you want about Sir Elton, but he's got great vocal range.

Fantasia: Love the sound of her voice, but tonight she didn't wow me. In addition, her habit of ending songs with a "yeah yeah yeah yeah" flourish that extends past the ending of the accompaniment is starting to bug.

Jon Peter: This theme was good for him, because sometimes his voice sounds a little Elton-ish. He has a BEAUTIFUL falsetto, which he showed off on the high notes. The problem is, when he tries to belt (in this song, on the line, "I'm a rocket man"), he pushes his voice and tends to go flat. Simon's right, he needs voice lessons (and he's certainly not the only one of the bunch who could benefit).

Jasmine: She has neither the range nor the vocal technique to pull of an Elton song. Missed bad on the low notes, and didn't quite make it all the way up to the high ones. Has absolutely no idea of proper vocal production.

John Stevens: Oy oy oy. Sooooooo bad. His vocals were almost not even there, and he was totally shying away from the mike. He really wants to go home--please don't vote for him any more, so he can go back to being one of the better singers in his high school choir.

Camile: See above on Jasmine about range and vocal technique. So you love Elton John--that doesn't mean you can sing his songs.

George: Now THAT was what I needed. There was nothing about his performance that I didn't like. Boy can this guy sell a song. My favorite of the evening by far.

Diana Degarmo: Range, vocal technique, blah blah blah. You just can't do the "go down and connect with the audience" thing if you're sick and out of shape and it's going to make you out of breath for the actual singing part. I did appreciate how her hair was a little softer, though--normally it's pulled back so tight she looks more Asian than the Filipino girls.

Latoya London: Looked great. Great intensity of emotion. Great song structure. Pushed it right to the limit at the end of the song.

Jennifer Hudson: I was a little iffy on the song arrangement, particularly that key change. However, this woman has a monster voice with a distinctive sound, and she did great tonight. Liked the gold eyeshadow (on Latoya too).

Bottom three should be John Stevens (please put him out of his misery!), Camile and Diana Degarmo. If one of the black chicks is in the bottom three again, I might have to go out and kill some dumb white people.

tm

These guys can help:

http://www.clubdevo.com/mp_redesign/...ions/domes.jpg

Why, of course. What woman can resist Speed Racer?

Plus, I am sure you can come up with some interesting uses for that head gear...

AI--Reginald Dwight
 

Last night proved that the only people who can sing Elton John songs are Elton John and black people. That was seriously craptastic. But Simon's comparison of John's performance to Plan 9 from Outer Space was one of the funniest comments ever made on American Idol.

I voted my fingers off for George and Jennifer. No votes for Fantasia b/c of the stupid-ass "yeah yeah yeah'ing."

tm, I'm sure you will be thrilled to know that during our post-Idol chat last night, Paigow and I came to the same conclusions as you about who the bottom 3 will be. You will be less thrilled that Paigow voted for John Stevens until her fingers bled apparently b/c she hates him and wants him to continue to be tortured for weeks to come.

Dehhhh-rrrrreccck
 

Mussina no good
Brown excels again today
He's our go-to guy

TM

If you don't you might be getting cancer.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,116402,00.html

So I'm thinking, perfect excuse for the complaints about "closed doors with moaning every other afternoon" that come up in my annual review here. "You know, sir, preventative medicine is in everyone's best interest."

But the stupid doc doesn't know when to shut up: