Which included,
inter alia: "And I will aggressively recruit hillbillies to perform the menial tasks required around my vast industrial empire."
Good to know you haven't forgotten us little people, Bubba.
******
To continue with the same theme, though, here's my press conference:
CBS-LA reporter: Mr. Gattigap, previous winners from your part of the country have promised to tithe 10% of their winnings to their local chuirch, which most observers found commendable, if somewhat baffling. Have you any similar plans?
Gattigap: Thank you for making this insightful observation. Let me say that while I welcome this opportunity to give back to my church and congregation in some small way, I've also had the opportunity over the years to see the "efficiencies" of our church in action, such as they were. Suffice to say, any organization that encounters such difficulties putting on a bake sale will find the prospect of managing a multi-million dollar endowment a crushing burden, and I am unwilling to impose it upon them, the Reverend's entreaties (and visions of a new Bentley, no doubt) notwithstanding. As Granddad used to say, we may be dumb, but we're not stupid.
FNC representative: Anything in particular you're planning to buy?
Gattigap: Yes. Catalina.
FNC: Do you mean a beach property in Catalina?
Gattigap: No. I mean Catalina. I've seen it, I like it, and think that I'll buy it. The Wrigleys did a good job during their era, but let's face it -- the chewing gum magnate's ambitions were pretty limited, and there's more to be done. For example, I'm planning to create a sovereign nation on the island, to be known as "Gattigapania." It will be a destination for sun, surf, gambling and associated sins, offshore banking, and data havens.
FNC: Um, it's part of California now. How do you expect to accomplish the hurdle of obtaining the right of secession from the US, exactly?
Gattigap: At this point I'd like to introduce my business partner, Mr. Smith, formerly of Exxon/Mobil. He'll explain the details of the offshore oil deposits that lie within Gattigapania's territorial waters. Now if you'll excuse me, the models are waiting.
