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[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by red red rum
Okay, former infrequent infirm poster semi lurker first time poster here with a weird workplace situation.

Recently lateraled to a new firm and for the second time in a month I walked into the men’s room to find a relatively senior partner at one of the urinals with his trousers and boxers pulled all the way down, taking a pisser. Now for the uninitiated here, like those of you blessed with vaginas or the few dandy-boys who pee seated, guys don’t pull their trousers down to pee. We unzip them, pull it out the fly hole and whiz, with the notable exceptions being young boys just learning the ropes and kids who take the short bus, both of which groups have special dispensation to drop trou to pee.

With that in mind, I have now had the displeasure to catch more than a glimpse of this guy’s pimpled and pockmarked ghost-white hairy ass cheeks staring at me from the urinal stand. Did I mention he weighs about 350 pounds? What in the freaking hell is the deal with this? I do not get paid special wages for a psychologically hazardous job and should not have to be subjected to this. Certainly this cannot be acceptable professional behavior can it?

I mentioned this to one of the other associates who does not seem like a backstabber and he too has seen the dark side of the moon and the word in the firm is that this guy has a medically diagnosed phobia of urine and fears any backsplash on his clothing. While I think this is psychobabble b.s., that’s fine if he believes it but then take your fat ass into a stall and spare the rest of us.

So long story short, I don’t know what to do or what I can do but I can’t bear the thought of being exposed to this guy’s ass on any periodic basis and while I would love to walk in on him and ask what the fuck he is thinking and perhaps even plant the sole side of my Kenneth Coles in his butt, I really don’t have a career death wish. Yet.

So I am thinking of either going to a website that sends anon emails to people with hygiene problems, although I doubt seriously if there is a standard “dude, stop showing me your bare ass when you pee” email; or sending the HR administrator an anon email pointing out the problem and maybe noting that this is a hostile workplace type of scenario, i.e. harassment.

Knowing that the crowd here is fairly racy and rude I wonder if anyone can think up a better idea of how to deal with this without impairing my career trajectory.

Help, please.

I would call the FBI.