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[taxwonk]

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
Let me get the lies straight.

The gist that I'm hearing from the SBVFT is this: Kerry tried to run away to France, of all places. When that didn't work out he volunteered for one of those luxury divisions of the military (i.e. the US Navy) to go to Vietnam (hey, it was a French colony once, there's another connection...), volunteered for a "cushy' job in a swift boat. When that gig turned out to be a real bummer, he did everything he could to get the fuck out, while also looking like a hero, so he could lord it all over eveyone thirty years later when he ran for President. He blew up his own ass, conned the rest of his crew into going along with him in his efforts to amass medals (the new guy, as part of the crew hazing ritual, was even went so far as to fall off the boat to give cred to the Lt.'s heroism; they agreed afterwards to stay apart for 30-something years so as to not arouse suspicion of the grand plan) when guns were going off in the area so it could be argued that everything he did was under fire. He showed up to the infirmary for every mosquito bite and paper cut, just in case someone noticed the bleeding and gave him a medal. And, hey, the Navy, stupid fucks that they are, (oops, we're not saying that....) ate it all up and went along with it and gave him all the medals so he could go home to his cushy protesting gig back home. Unfortunately, everyone in South East Asia happened to see all of this, and they kept meticulous notes of his whereabouts while in Vietnam at all times, so they could alert the Navy that the medals were erroneously given under false pretenses. Of course, they couldn't file that report until they managed to raise funds (from a very generous Texan who builds crappy, ugly houses), and their method of filing the report was by airing advertisements and publishing a book. Hopefully the Navy will catch wind of this and do the right thing and take back his medals.

ETA: I just hope that the Navy opens a huge ass investigation on this, because there are some people down here in Texas who go so far as to lord their Purple Hearts on their license plates, and I wouldn't want to open up a lane for some bastard who was just looking to get out from under heavy fire.

I love you.