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New and interesting symptoms
I blindsided by the crud at some point last week. It took my voice and my ability to sleep for more than two hours at a time without suffocating. I had to do the wedding ceremony on Saturday in a combination of interpretive dance, mime, sign language and an odd croaking, since my voice was (and still is) inoperable. I'm single handedly keeping the Nyquil and tissue people in business, and I think I may have to check in to rehab once this illness is over.
But today, I'm here to warn you of a symptom that others will not understand and therefore mock, until they, too, are stricken: eyeball pain. A dull, throbbing, persistant ache right behind both eyeballs that no rubbing, blinking or other manipulation will alleviate.
From time to time you'll croak, write out or otherwise communicate to those around you the following phrase: M-y e-y-e-b-a-l-l h-u-r-t-s. They will look at you oddly and then go on talking about something other than your eyeball pain. Then, perhaps exactly five and a half days later, one who previously ignored your eyeball pain will call and--through a combination of moaning and wheezing and the aforementioned croaking--will inquire how long the eyeball pain lasts. To this, I reply: until you too develop the Nyquil dependency.
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"In the olden days before the internet, you'd take this sort of person for a ride out into the woods and shoot them, as Darwin intended, before he could spawn."--Will the Vampire People Leave the Lobby? pg 79
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