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[Shape Shifter]

So I went wearing a tux that flasehed "rental" brighter than a Dodge Neon. A few wore suits, and the fewer still that did so confidently stood out in a good way. I wish I would have gone the way I originally contemplated and later suggested by taxwonk. Plus my feet hurt. I learned from reading the actual invitation that the theme was "Moulin Rouge." Pity. I could've worn shoes on my knees and gone as a fucking midget.

The bar was not open. The wine was not good.

The ball itself I would describe as Amway for doctors. The irony of this silent auction shit is the better off you are, the better deal you get. The person who won the $30,000 pool could have afforded the pool for $30,000, but got it for much less. We got the weekend getaway (+ case of wine) from the B&B in San Marcos, which is only good if our weekend is Sunday through Thursday.

I did see a few NotBobian trophy wives, one or two of which were truly outstanding. Better still were the hostesses, undergrads from a local Christian sorority dressed as Parisian whores from 1889. I heard the winning bid for them was a bitchin' 93 Suburban with leather, video screens, and a case of Zima.

The event was emceed by a local news anchor who inspired much table chat during the overcooked salmon and beef. During our dinner, we were subjected to a video montage of a recently deceased local cardiologist. Afterward, there was an auction where you bid but didn't win anything. I think our table bid enough money to buy a set of tires for the deceased doctor's Porsche, or maybe his Corvette, both of which were featured prominently. But perhaps not.

Overall, the event was a success, in that it raised over $50,000 for heart disease.

Ha.

Perhaps cardiologists should donate one of their exotic sportscars every 3 years or so AND QUIT BOTHERING THE REST OF US FOR MONEY. If the research is reallly that important, I'm sure they'll figure out a way to profit from it.

Epilogue: Enjoying a smoke on the patio with some of the event's main sponsors, all in their 50s, I heard them lament the passing of some of their peers.

"You know, this is really important. XXX just passed away. In this day and age, that's really young."

"Yeah, the doctor who was honored . . . when was he born? '58?"

"Yeah, and he exercised, did everything right."

Pause.

"Might as well smoke. Can't tell what's gonna kill you."

P.S. I'm on some committee or other for this next year. I will be looking to the children of cardiologists that I know for support.