Forums

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by dtb
So as part of my son's social studies curriculum, each kid is having a representative (or representatives) of his or her family come it to talk about something. It can be anything really; your family's hobbies, family history, your job, whatever.

So, it's my turn this Friday, and of course I have the problem that any of us would have -- namely, our jobs are lame and boring, and kindergardeners could not care less about what lawyers do --but I have an additional hurdle: last week's visitor.

Last week's person was the father of a girl in the class. He's a secret service agent. So, not only did he show them his gun, the baton thing that shoots out of a handle, the handcuffs, the microphone-up-the-sleeve, and a bunch of other gadgets, but he gave them all presidential trading cards, stickers, little "Big Apple - Secret Service" badges (my son wore his all weekend) and a signed photo of GWB. But that's not all!!! He led the kids downstairs, where there was a bevy of secret service agents guarding the presidential limousine. The street had been closed off, and all the kids got to go through the limousine.

I mean, come on!! How am I supposed to follow that?!?

I work in a bank, so my only hope is to hand out $100 bills and tell them how we play Liar's Poker all day long. And then take them to Hawaii on a private jet that I have waiting on the street outside.

Pick up a few of the kid's journals and edit the shit out of the entries. Do it at the teacher's desk, and make sarcastic comments on the style. Pick the kids everyone makes fun of anyway, and the others will think it's great fun.