Quote:
Originally posted by NotFromHere
You sound like you really need some space and time to think without all of the pressure. Maybe you could use a separation for this purpose. If you find that you miss her and want her back - then your decision is made. If you find that you feel that a gigantic weight has been lifted from you, then you should proceed with the divorce and hopefully a generous visitation schedule.
Best of luck - divorce is always hard - it should be hard especially when there are children. No one ever takes that decision lightly and neither should you. Take some time - don't rush into anything and never feel like you've been pushed into a decision you didn't want to make.
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This is excellent advice. I also agree with the other posters who suggested working late tonight and trying to schedule a therapy appointment tomorrow.
If you do decide on separation, you'll have to distinguish your feelings toward your wife from your feelings towards your kids. You won't be able to see them all the time, and if the only time you DO see them is when she's around, there might be a "halo" effect from missing them that clouds your perception towards her. You need to spend time by yourself, and time with just the kids, AND one-on-one time with your wife in order to sort all of this out. If you can achieve a stable psychological environment living apart, with both of you still being able to see the kids frequently, then you might be better able to figure out what it is you really want, and how you can get there from here.
Until you do get it sorted out, I'd limit the amount of time you spend together as a full family...no matter how much the little ones pressure you to do "family" things. If there hasn't been a lot of screaming/yelling/cruelty/serious unpleasantness that they can see/feel, they may try hard to convince you to stay with mommy. And if the oldest is under ten, the kids are probably scared more than anything else - they just want it to be ok. But
don't fool yourself into thinking they don't know what's going on. Adults don't give children near enough credit in that regard. Be straight up with them, particularly the two oldest (in an age-appropriate way, obviously).
Good luck. I hope everything works out for the best, whatever that may be.
CDF
