Forums

[notcasesensitive]

It is getting close to that time. Time to start thinking about who you think might die in 2006. Exciting stuff. I will happily run our lawtalkers pool (using the rules from this year once again, as it seems to have worked out well), but I wanted to give those of you who feel like you are ready for a real money pool the opportunity to join the one Mr Man and I have done for the last couple of years. Here is a copy of the sign-up e-mail. Good luck!

CELEBRITY DEAD CONTEST 12/7/05

Welcome to the 28th annual contest, where your knowledge of famous people combined with your hunches of mortality can win you big bucks! You may have read or heard about other dead pools, but ours is the longest-running, best-organized and most fun of all. 28 years and counting! Here’s how it works:

PICK TEN: Choose ten celebrities from any field—the arts, politics, science, sports—from anyplace in the world, who you think will shuffle off this mortal coil in the coming calendar year (midnight PST 1/1/06 to midnight PST 12/31/06). The operative word here is “celebrity,” which means a person generally known outside his or her chosen field, and particularly accepted by the generals who run this contest: the Executive Committee (that’s us). In case of dubious celebrity, the Executive Committee will decide. If you pick someone iffy, please give us an alternate or two, which we will substitute in the event of an adverse celebrity determination. All picks must be individual humans. Please provide us with some biographical data if you choose a more obscure celebrity. And you might want to include an alternate or two. Send just $30 (check or money order made out to Jim Stolley) and your alphabetized list to us--if you have the highest number of correct picks (“hits”) at the end of the year, you win the first place prize of 75% of the pot---! If you come in second place, you’ll win 25% of the pot. Note: If there is more than one first place winner, the pot will be evenly divided and there will be no second place prize(s) awarded. (See rule for Wild Card winner, which effectively reduces the pot by half.)

It’s that simple. But wait! Here’s more:

WILD CARD: Nine of your ten picks may be old, infirm, ailing, morbidly reckless, fatally high-living or the probable targets of ideological malcontents. The 10th pick, however, must be someone for whom there is no good reason to think that his or her candle will be snuffed out in the coming year. Your wild card pick must be under 50 years old and free from a life-threatening disease, handicap or mental illness. He or she may not enjoy a position of political prominence or a vocation or avocation that places him or her in constant jeopardy. No wild card with a publicly-known dependence on drugs or alcohol will be accepted (if it’s disclosed anytime during the year that your wild card has turned 50 and/or suffers from such an abuse problem or disease, he or she will be instantly forfeited as a wild card and relegated to the regular pick list). Celebrities immersed in a culture of violence (i.e,. gangsta rappers, Mafia capos, etc. are prohibited as wild cards). Again, if you’re not sure that your wild card pick will be accepted, give us an alternate or two. If your wild card hits, you will win half the pot and the hit will count in the aggregate. Multiple wild card winners will split half the pot evenly. This category has often been controversial, so please, just guess—don’t second guess.

What’s a contest without some rules? Here are ours:

LIZA MINNELLI RULE: A substance-abusing celebrity who has managed to stay clean and sober for five years since his or her last stay at Betty Ford’s place will be eligible as a wild card. In other words, if they have cleaned up the old act, you can use them---provided you send us evidence of the requisite sobriety. But the wiser course might be to pick someone else.

DON JOHNSON RULE: A celebrity known for his or her especially dangerous hobby, like speedboat racing or transoceanic ballooning, will not be accepted as a wild card. Why? Senseless self-endangerment in pursuit of leisure-time thrills spills into all other aspects of life.

GRAHAM CHAPMAN RULE: A pre-existing but unknown-to-the-public dire medical condition will retroactively disqualify a wild card hit if he or she dies from that condition. This rule prevents insider information-trading and covers wild card picks who confess to People magazine halfway through the year that they have only weeks to live because of a secret illness. Of course, any such hit will be counted as a regular hit. A corollary to this rule is the JOHN CANDY RULE, which covers wild card picks who are grossly overweight, like many funnymen or sumo wrestlers. If your morbidly obese wild card pick dies from a Fat-Related Incident (“FRI” includes a coronary, choking on a sandwich—you get the picture), he or she will not count as a wild card hit.

ANDY WARHOL RULE: People famous for fifteen minutes are not celebrities. This rule eliminates such picks as death-row inmates mounting final legal challenges, congresspersons whose idiosyncratic opinions briefly thrust them into the spotlight, children who fall down wells, people famous only because of their illnesses (formerly known as the “Barney Clark rule”—see? Who’s he?), and whoever is the world’s current oldest living person.

VILMA BANKY RULE (also known as the OSAMA BIN LADEN RULE): If a celebrity falls in the forest and no one hears him or her, does he or she make a sound? A celebrity’s death must be reported by at least one major U.S. news service within the year. A 2006 death revealed by the media after midnight 12/31/06 will not be counted. It’s not just the death, it’s the coverage that makes a celebrity hit!

LOCAL HERO RULE: A local celebrity must have national renown in order to be accepted. Would the average Joe have heard of your local hero? If not, choose another.

HANDS OFF RULE: Having anything to do with the death of one of your picks may result in your disqualification.

FORFEIT: Any pick who’s actually dead will be marked “forfeit” on the Master Dead List and you’ll lose that chance, so be absolutely sure your pick is still drawing breath. If your pick dies before the contest begins, we will substitute your first alternate.

All decisions by the Executive Committee are final. Some rules subject to change—with proper notice. Entry fees are deposited in an interest-bearing account; first- and second-place winner(s) will take all. All ties split the pot, be they Wild Card hits or aggregate hits.

ENTRY FEE: $30 (check made out to Jim Stolley; sorry but PayPal isn’t an option, given our penchant for anonymity). Send your alphabetized list (9 plus wild card at the bottom) to Jim at jssjr@pacbell.net. Mail the check to him at 110 Pearl St., Sausalito, CA 94965; telephone number: 415-331-1397. Please make sure you include your own mailing address and phone number, even if you use e-mail—and remember to let us know of any e-mail or postal address change during the year. All players who e-mail their entries will be placed on the Dead Contest e-mail master lists, which means regular updates throughout the year.

All entries will be compiled and a Master Dead List will be sent to each player by mid-January. The 2005 winner(s) will be announced in that mailing (at this writing, there are multiple frontrunners, vying for the $4770 pot). All entries must be postmarked or e-mailed by midnight, December 31, 2005. E-mailers MUST remit payment within a few days of sending us your cyberlist—no more dunning letters! If we don’t receive payment promptly, we won’t include your list in the Master List.

CHECK IN: Do us a favor, too. If you have not received your Master Dead List by mid January, contact us. Our staff does the best it can to record all addresses, but sometimes it needs a little reminder to find someone who slipped through the cracks…

Thanks for playing! We look forward to your entry, and tell your friends about us.

Happy holidays,

The Executive Committee