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"Tax Dollars Being Sucked Up a Hog's Butt."
Friends,
I learned tonight that my cousin is running for the State House of Representatives for the Great State of South Carolina.
The incumbent for this particular district is retiring, and the vacuum created by his absence is generating interest from any number of interesting characters. Including, as it appears, my cousin.
I never would've thought my cousin to be political material, as I've never seen him as the backslapping type. But let me just say that I give him large, brass, Stephen Colbert-style balls for the way he's conducted his campaign.
He has declared that he's accepting no donations at all. In a recent article by the hometown paper on the various candidates, my cousin was quoted as saying "I'm getting tired of having my tax dollars being sucked up by a hog's butt each and every time I turn around."
And that's not an offhand comment made to a reporter. This is from the man's stump speech.
With political instincts this strong, I sense something in the air, and it ain't just the aroma of livestock. I feel a Malcolm Gladwell tipping point approaching, and it's the mover's and shakers on this here board that can make it happen.
Sure, my cousin isn't "accepting" donations, and the issue of receiving outside-the-state money seems to be taboo in this particular race. But, friends, with quotes like these simply BEGGING for bumper stickers and T-shirts, can't you just imagine the possibilities?
(C'mon, Spanky. He's running as a Democrat, but he's a South Carolina Democrat. Fucker will be to the right of Pombo on most issues. You'll raise money for him, right?)
Join me. Contribute to the newly-created Foreign Friends to Elect Richard '06 Fund, and we'll create the bumper stickers, buttons and logowear that will turn heads from SoHo to Toronto to Charlotte to San Francisco to Santa Monica.
Gattigap
Foreign Campaign Chairman
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I'm done with nonsense here. --- H. Chinaski
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