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Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
I am just wondering -- many friends of mine confided in me after I got separated/divorced that they never could understand what my husband and I were doing together, and that they never really cared for him and they never could understand what I saw in him. But all through the dating/marriage, they never said anything. It annoys me that they did not -- I can understand that they would not want to be jerks and criticize someone I love, but really, if you have an opinion, sometimes it is helpful to share it.
I am wondering if any of the other uber-smug divorcees had this experience and if so, whether it bugged them.
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Common occurence. The general psychological construct is that people won't hear what they don't want to hear, regardless of how obvious it is to the objective observers. Further, and maybe you would have been able to be more objectively self-relfective on prodding, the normal response in these situations is defensive and turning the tables ("why don't want me to be happy?"). Assuming a normal relationship contruct where you "love" the other party and are "pledging" to them "for life" and possibly "eterntiy", Larry David's understanding notwitstanding, are you really going to take a friends opinion that he/she is wrong for you to heart?
eta: my first wife was a family therapist, which is where I gleaneed those insights, but I am JD, not MD or PhD, so ymmv.
