RUDY GIULIANI
Pro: Unifying force after 9/11; articulate speaker.
Con: The whole "pro-choice, pro-gun-control, New Yorker, used to live with gay dudes, adultery" thing might hurt him with conservatives. A bit.
JOHN MCCAIN
Pro: Comforting resemblance to character actor Gavin MacLeod.
Con: Murray from The Mary Tyler Moore Show lacked leadership qualities and Captain Stubing from Love Boat got a little goofy whenever Charo was a guest star, leaving executive branch vulnerable to Charo impersonators who are actually Al Qaeda operatives.
MITT ROMNEY
Pro: Named after Mittens, the family cat, later shortening name to "Mitt." People love cats.
Con: Religious beliefs could create problems, as many Americans may not be ready to accept worshiper of ancient Egyptian god Ra.
ZOMBIE RONALD REAGAN
Pro: Probably the most Reaganesque candidate available; if stoked with the brains of the living, should operate in an acceptable fashion.
Con: Long-dead eyes lack that magic twinkle; inhuman groans negatively impact "Great Communicator" status.
NEWT GINGRICH
Pro: Well known.
Con: See above.
EDDIE VAN HALEN
Pro: I tell you what, he would bring the nations of the world together through ROCK! He'd be all deedly-deedly-deedly-DEE-DEE-DEE! on his guitar and the bosses of the other countries would be all, "Whoa! Let's stop fighting and start rocking!"
Con: Drunken wretched mess.
A WOMAN OF SOME SORT
Pro: Could win support of other women.
Con: Women are not allowed to join the Republican Party.
More at:
http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2007/5/2moe.html
