Quote:
Originally posted by idle acts
And while I am ranting, what is the deal with the current law firm vogue for attorney photos on the firm's web site? Do the marketing people really think that clients are choosing a firm based upon the relative attractiveness of its lawyers?
What particularly frosts me is that my firm insists on posting the damn things, but won't hire a professional photographer to take them. So my photo, which I have periodically successfully petitioned to remove, only to have some marketing person "help" me by reposting the photo without my permission, is a passport photo, taken between law school classes at the local one hour photo. Not only does it no longer look like me, it is grossly unprofessional, as I eschewed haircuts during law school as a means of economizing.* And don't even get me started on the ridiculous, out of date, partner photos from the '70s.
OK, I feel better now.
* I know I can afford to have a better one taken, but the larger point is that I don't think the firm should be posting them at all. No plaintiffs' firm ever seems to have them, so they accomplish nothing beyond permitting opposing counsel to (maybe) recognize me in the hallway of the courthouse before I know who they are.
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You can tell a lot from a photo. I LOVE the trend toward posting atty photos on firm websites because I can look up my opponent and find out what he/she looks like, which gives me a pretty good idea of what he'll be like. Here are some examples:
1. Young Guy in bow tie.
You know this cat is a tool and will be an annoyance. He's probably an arch conservative and fancies himself a "white shoe" attorney. Luckily, he's not very smart. No one under the age of 35 with brains wears a bow ties, and especially not on the company website photo.
2. 40 year old chick who looks like a librarian.
Her bad hair indicates she reads more Learned Hand than Vogue. Her dowdy dress suggests that she's in the library a lot more then you and is probably really proud of her clerkship for some fed judge. She can't argue for shit, but her papers will be fantastic. Luckily, she'll be so focused on minutia that she'll miss the major points and bore the judge. Write one argument in your papers, but make a slightly different oral argument before the judge. She'll be overly perpped in one direction and unable to turn on a dime.
3. Grey haired smiling 50ish moderately attractive male.
This guy's dangerous. He's smiling because he's tried many cases and he'll eat a young associate like yourself for lunch. You can't prep for any argument or trial with this cat - he's going to make it up as he goes and shift all over the place, and each argument he makes will be damn well delivered.
4. Cute to hot young associate.
This guy/girl is usually easy to deal with because like you, he/she has a full social calendar and probably doesn't give a shit about what happens in the case so long as he/she looks good to his/her employer and gets paid. This person isn't looking to make partner - you'll get every extension you request and he/she will never break your balls in a deposition. Chances are you will discuss personal lives and might find you have mutual friends.
5. Skinny pimply guy wearing collar two sizes too big.
This cat's a freak. He's unpredictable. You'll call him to prepa pretrial statement and you'll get dead silence from his end for long periods because he's staring at the ceiling thinking. He's smarter than you but probably can't bring his knowledge to the street. He'll act professorial at arguments and deps and will be accidentally rude often because he simply doesn't understand body language or social interaction. Ask for a jury trial if you're up against this guy. He'll alienate everyone.
6. Smirking guy.
This is you. You're smirking because you're thinking to yourself "What the fuck am I doing here getting a photo for a website? How did I wind up in this wierd gig? God, I wish they'd shoot this thing already so I can get back to my desk so I can play on chat boards and phone in briefs while waiting for something interesting to happen like a trial or an argument, which really isn't all that interesting, but sure beats sitting around the office exchanging fake pleasantries with that wierd guy with the too-big collar and that strange 40ish chick wearing the bad fitting business suit that makes her look like a nun... I wonder what she'd look like naked???"
S(I handed the firm my fraternity composite photo with a note "My hair will never again look this fucking lush")D
