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[Atticus Grinch]

If you're looking for the ideal forum for dadaist prose, it's Amazon.com product reviews. If you keep your eyes peeled, you'll find a few gems.

A ray of sunshine in tough times, June 13, 2003
Reviewer: 2nearsighted (see more about me) from the midwest

I am in complete accordance with other reviewers who state that this piggy bank is difficult to open; but that is why I am so enthusiastically in support of it. We cannot teach children proper savings habits in these troubled times, unless it's a big hassle to get out their coins. My children have their own piggy banks in pink, and I have a piggy bank in blue, which I will take the liberty of including in this review. I find that the piggy bank is beautiful and durable, but that it does not hold out ground water very well. I did bury my piggy bank in the back yard, after receiving a fairly large money order from my uncle. In general, I do not trust fancy pants banks and other such operations, because I feel that they infringe on my privacy and that they use interest from my money to fund all sorts of experiments. But I must warn anyone who intends to bury their piggy bank, that it is not very effective against the elements. We had a particularly long and cold winter here, and I found that when I retrieved my funds (after forgotting where it was and gouging up most of the yard), that all of the bills were very wet and smelled like my aunt Lucille. I tried to dry the money on a clothesline, and it was all subsequently stolen by--I allege--wayward children in my neighborhood. I can prove nothing as of yet. And I do not blame the makers of this fine product for my misfortune. Instead, as I believe William Shakespeare said best, I come not to bury this piggy bank, but to praise it. It has survived the test of time, and now I use it keep notes and reminders to myself.

Little Tykes Piggy Bank (Pink).