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[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
I've had the tune going through my head since I read this post, so I just had to give this song parody bit a try. Please forgive:

Sebastian (to the tune of How do you solve a problem like Maria?)

He goes to court and charms the judge
Though his arguments don’t fool
He talks out both sides of his mouth
But at least he’s not a tool
And the lining of his Hickey Fs
Is so silky smooth and cool
We even know he always cleans his starfish!

He always posts the same shit
He’s on Fringey’s ignore list
As for tearing him a new one
Thurgreed often can’t resist
I hate to have to say it
But some posters firmly feel
Sebastian's not an asset to the FB

I'd like to say a word on his behalf
Sebastian makes me laugh

How do you solve a problem like Sebastian?
How do you catch that cat and pin him down?
How do you find a word that means Sebastian?
He’s largely correct(ed)! But unaffected! A clown?

Many a thing the paigow tries to teach him
Many a thing he ought to understand
But it gives him so much trouble
To parse replies too subtle
To him that humor’s so librarian.

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Sebastian?
How do you let his foul truths simply stand?

When he posts he seems confused
Missing jokes, we’re all bemused
And he gives us all a sense of deja vu
So predictable his posts are
Literal, bombastic, bizarre
He's a lawyer! Not a salesman! Wrong gig – damn!

He can’t abide pretentious twits
Has no objection to fake tits
But he knows which forks to use -- he’s not a prole
He’s nostalgic! He is wild!
He's not ready for a child!
He’s a headache! He’s a riot!
He’s no troll!

How do you solve a problem like Sebastian?
How do you catch that cat and pin him down?
How do you find a word that means Sebastian?
A fashion board fixture! A beef eating man! He's down!

Many a chick he meets would like to bang him
Many a MILF he meets he’d like to roll*
But how can a chick make him stay
And kiss her till the next day?
Whatever you do, don’t lick his (clean) cornhole

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Sebastian?
How do you let his foul truths simply stand?


* I know this is redundant.

Its very infrequent that I find myself digging for rebuttal and coming up oh so empty. I got nothin. Excellent job. I just wish I knew the melody...