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[Hank Chinaski]

http://politics.slate.msn.com/id/209...ontinueArticle
Some observers question Kerry's ability to campaign. Plus- added bonus Teddy K. image!

Death of a Salesman
Can John Kerry sell John Kerry?
By William Saletan
Updated Tuesday, Jan. 27, 2004, at 6:43 PM PT


HAMPTON, N.H.—Tonight, John Kerry heads south and west from New Hampshire, widely acclaimed as the Democratic Party's presumptive presidential nominee. "Dated Dean, Married Kerry," goes the slogan of the hour. But before this rebound relationship drifts to the altar, maybe Democrats should ask what they're getting in Kerry. After watching him for a year and seeing him work New Hampshire, here's my warning: You're getting a guy who has plenty of selling points but can't make the sale himself.

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A Kerry rally is nothing like that. It's more like a roast. First Shaheen sang Kerry's praises. Then a former state senator sang Kerry's praises. Then Ted Kennedy sang Kerry's praises. Then Kennedy's son, Rep. Patrick Kennedy, D-R.I., sang Kerry's praises. Then Kerry spoke for a bit and handed the mike to his stepson and wife, who sang Kerry's praises. It's like going to a concert and sitting through a bunch of speeches in which the musician's friends attest, "This guy can sing."

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It's strange that a man who charged into enemy fire should prove so physically inferior, as a politician, to a man whose greatest athletic feat during the Vietnam era was swimming ashore at Chappaquiddick. I couldn't decide whether to laugh or wince as Kennedy, the lifelong legislator, exalted Kerry's "two terms" in Vietnam—then corrected his description, incorrectly, to "two sessions." (Pssst, Senator … the word is tours.) But as Kerry turns South, it won't be Kennedy who joins him on the campaign trail. It'll be Max Cleland, the former Georgia senator who lost three limbs in Vietnam and then lost his Senate seat in 2002 to a Republican attack on his commitment to national security.

Kerry hopes Cleland will put Republicans to shame for what they did to Cleland. But as a retail politician, the guy Cleland puts to shame is Kerry. For 15 minutes, Kerry lumbered around the stage in Nashua, poking his finger in the air and otherwise treating the rest of his body as a trunk from which to hang one moving arm. Then the music cranked up, and Cleland started to boogie in his wheelchair, his brow furrowed suggestively, his hips and shoulders gyrating to the beat. The guy with four limbs was using one, while the guy with one limb was using four. It makes you want to scream over the music that the wrong veteran is running for president.

If only Cleland could be on stage next fall to prop up Kerry in the debates with President Bush. If only Kennedy and Shaheen and all those congressmen could be there, too. But they can't. If you nominate Kerry, you don't get the sales force. You just get him.