Quote:
Originally posted by bilmore
If I remember correctly, when we gave up the "party of fiscal restraint" decoder rings and badges to them, they got the "party of the individual" sets thrown in free. Thankfully, they still can't do "world domination" for shit.
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Flightless winged waterfoul, please. My ancestors were memorialized in Sumerian tables while your ancestors were still . . . um . . . I don't know. What did your ancestors do? Eat fish? Open doors? Fly, bilmore?
So you think your party is proficient - or even practiced - at World Domination? No, bilmore, no. Your "party" (tee hee, I giggle that the frivolity has been provided such appropriate appellation) came closer to the secret of world domination when it preached limited governement. It was the perfect Trojan Horse: "Government does not work. Elect us and prove it." And the Trojan Horse sells. Heard of Brad Pitt lately?
But I like you, bilmore. You show much promise. Or you did at one point. So at great risk to both of us, I offer you this primer on World Domination. And I offer it terms you can understand. In Ws. The "who, what, when, where, why" of World Domination, as we like to explain to the newly illuminated.
Who, bilmore, who?
Heh, well certainly not your quaintly named "party." I thought yoiu guys were on to something with your talk of "limited governement" and "rights of the individual" (see Trojan Horse, supra). But you showed your hand with Ashcroft generally and the Patriot Act in particular. Throw in Rumsfeld, Wolowitz, and Perle and you may as well call it the Trojan War Machine That Will Crush You . Sometimes nuance helps.
What, bilmore, what?
Make sure you know what you want. World Domination sounds sexy, but it isn't easy. As Powell observed, it's like the Pottery Barn - you break it, you own it. The Freemasons tried WD, and came up with some cool symbology, but figured out that all they could do was break bricks. Jews are a convenient target, but godammit, you couldn't get them to agree on an appetizer, much less the desirability of an ARM. Don't get me wrong, they have done good work in the past (that 40 years in the wilderness was hilarious), but they were hindered by the lack of vowells in the beginning. Look at the cover of the The Nation this month and you'll agree.
[bold]When, bilmore, when?[/bold] I thought you would have been more comfortable with the passing of The Millenium (whatever the Western calendar). I know you've spent a good deal of time stuck in airports re-reading The Da Vinci Code lately, but - Deus Me! - your Millenium is so solar system-centric. Ew. Reset the decoder ring. Better yet, don't wear rings. Or necklaces. Another hint: Ancient People weren't particularly wise, they were just Ancient. Or quit reading The Da Vinci Code. You can find more secrets of World Domination in the chick-lit section. Check out "The Devil Wears Prada."
Where, bilmore, where?
Make sure you know what you want. I mean, Iraq? You really want it? My ancestors landed in Sumer, but it was kind of a typo (they just wanted to go to Summer - and the travel brochures looked nice). You've got Arizona, why Iraq?
Why, bilmore, why?
I know why I crave World Domination. I am superior, my species is superior, and my dad can beat up your dad. I exploit species like you for fun and feathers. Be grateful for chum and ice. And cold weather.
I realize that a simple mind like yours might have other questions, such as "How."
How , bilmore, how?
I haven't perfected this yet, but the whole humility and anti-nation-building approach doesn't seem to be working. I see you've tried torture, rape, and murder, which don't seem to be working either. Have you thought of diplomacy as a last resort?