Fashion Board 1-08-04 through 02-03-04

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
Yes, only those instances in which the woman is likely to have any [irrational] emotion. Because those instances are never important.

I'm fine with rational emotions. Let's say you and I are dating RP. If I show up late to something three times in a row and you get pissed, that's a perfectly rational emotion. You could even call me immature.

[Fugee]

Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
And here is a simple truth. Your SO wants to believe you. They will go out of their way to believe the story you're telling them. I think that women are more trusting than men in this sense, but I think it's true to a certain extent of everyone. That's just the way it is. They don't want to hear it (especially from a friend who spent 60 mins watching you -- who definitely is a little cracked) from anyone else. Some people are just gullible, but that's different than what I'm saying here.

TM

It all depends on the SO and the friend. And someone watching for a longish period of time is not necessarily psycho if she was sitting where you were in her line of sight and she could glance over periodically enough to notice if someone else was there. And not seeing you kiss the women or put your hand on her leg isn't the point. The point isn't that you were fooling around but that you lied about where you were.

I still say however entertaining an evening catching up with an ex might be, your best bet is to not do it if it requires lying.

[greatwhitenorthchick]

Originally posted by idle acts
Well put. I expressed similar sentiments a few weeks back to some colleagues regarding a fellow colleague who has elected not to leave her spouse after learning he had a one-night stand with someone and was surprised to find that I was the only person who thought that her decision made sense.

I agree. If my husband cheated on me and (a) it was a one-time thing, and (b) didn't infect me with anything, I honestly don't think it would be the end of the world. I don't expect anyone to be perfect. Of course, I would prefer that I didn't find out.

[robustpuppy]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
I'm fine with rational emotions. Let's say you and I are dating RP. If I show up late to something three times in a row and you get pissed, that's a perfectly rational emotion. You could even call me immature.

I'm more likely to call you stupid.

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by robustpuppy
I'm more likely to call you stupid.

Prefectly rational given my tardiness.*

*I'm really sorry. Circus. In town. Mistake.

[notcasesensitive]

Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
I think I have had understanding SO/spouses. I have met up with different exes a few times and told the person I was involved with each time (one of my exes told me he wasn't telling his wife he was meeting me, another ex told his wife and apparently she was fine with it*). I don't really see the point with lying about that. Especially if nothing happens.

This is not to say that I am above lying. Just not about that particular issue.

*I have my doubts. (bitch)

This reminds me that shortly after my divorce, a college ex started calling me. He would call me at odd times, sometimes drunk, and ask to talk about how I had the courage to get out of my marriage and start discussing details of how unhappy he was in his marriage and how I had broken his heart, etc. He went to great lengths to discuss ways I could contact him without his wife knowing. The kicker -- his wife gave birth to their second child just weeks before these calls started. I was nothing other than polite (and maybe "distant"), but the entire time he talked to me, I thought to myself "what a sleazeball". And "thank god I live several thousand miles away from him now". I'm sure in his mind contact with an ex was wrong, but it was obviously the kind of contact he was initiating, not the fact of contact itself.

[Atticus Grinch]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
I'm fine with rational emotions. Let's say you and I are dating RP. If I show up late to something three times in a row and you get pissed, that's a perfectly rational emotion. You could even call me immature.

The word "rational" doesn't modify "emotion." I think what you're talking about are proportioned emotions, or predictable emotions,* or emotions with which you, too, can empathize. But not "rational."

*In the sense that they are not unexpected. I don't suggest that you ever attempt to validate your SO's emotions by calling them "predictable." What you get in response to calling them that might be unexpected, unless you expected that you and your nutsack would not necessarily live out your respective lives together.

[Oliver_Wendell_Ramone]

Why didn't this make it to Breasticle Day?

Spree: boobs.

Ollie (digging out from the very unusual NW deepfreeze, and feeling very Minnesota) Ramone

[SlaveNoMore]

Apparently, some tool over at AP accidentally forwarded via email his entire rolodex filled with phone numbers from sports icons ranging from Kareem to Peter Angelos to Clemens to the Fraziers to Madden to Stan Mikita.

Gonna be a lot of prank calls over the next few days.

Disclaimer: Any prank calls to Merlin Olson were not from me

[notcasesensitive]

Originally posted by idle acts
Well put. I expressed similar sentiments a few weeks back to some colleagues regarding a fellow colleague who has elected not to leave her spouse after learning he had a one-night stand with someone. I was surprised to find that I was the only person who thought that her decision made sense.

I would not judge someone for choosing to stay or for choosing to go in that situation. Who the fuck besides her and her husband knows all of the circumstances of their relationship and what the best choice would be?

[Tyrone Slothrop]

Originally posted by dtb
I meant to do this the day I got back from vacation, but, alas, I was buried under piles of CRAP in my office.

So, anyway, to whomever recommended "The God of Small Things" -- I would like to say THANK YOU!! I loved, loved, loved it. (The Booker Prize is pretty reliable, in my view, but I really loved this book.)

I read about 7 books over vacation, and left them all there (who wants to schlep back a book I'm never going to read again?) -- except that one. In fact, I started re-reading it on the plane home.

Sorry I can't remember who it was, but THANKS!

I'm glad you liked it, but it wasn't me. I read this, and decided never to pick up the book. Their review of Cold Mountain had the same effect on me -- sadly, after I'd already bought it.

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
The word "rational" doesn't modify "emotion." I think what you're talking about are proportioned emotions, or predictable emotions,* or emotions with which you, too, can empathize. But not "rational."

*In the sense that they are not unexpected. I don't suggest that you ever attempt to validate your SO's emotions by calling them "predictable." What you get in response to calling them that might be unexpected, unless you expected that you and your nutsack would not necessarily live out your respective lives together.

I meant "rational' in that, objectively, they're expected. So yes, emotions are subjective. Logic is not. Thank you for correcting me.

Didn't everybody date that psych major in college that called every one of your reactions "predictable"? I'm glad I stuck with Econ.

[str8outavannuys]

Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
I agree. If my husband cheated on me and (a) it was a one-time thing, and (b) didn't infect me with anything, I honestly don't think it would be the end of the world. I don't expect anyone to be perfect. Of course, I would prefer that I didn't find out.

Hear hear. It's just sex. I wish I could claim that it's our Torontonianism that makes us so mature about these things, but I once had a most severe Torontonian-ex who quite definitely didn't have a sense of humor or perspective about this sort of thing.

Tying threads, this is the same ex with whom I once met up while dating she who is now my wife, and my wife somehow knew that I had seen her once while we were dating (even though she lives, by turns, 3000 and 6000 miles away from Los Angeles, she had been her once for work/research purposes and we got together for a drink). I finally copped to it awhile back, after she asked me for about the 10th time if I had seen this ex since we'd started going out. She somehow just knew based on my response the first time she asked. I guess I'm like Abba - a bad liar.

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
It also depends on WHICH ex you're meeting up with.

This is one reason why you should never discuss exes.

[Tyrone Slothrop]

Originally posted by notcasesensitive
How many people here would/have actually lied to their SO about something like that (much less concoct an elaborate plan to do so, along with accomplices)... And if you would/have done so, why?

I haven't done it, and can't imagine doing it. This seems so fundamental to me that I have a hard time even understanding how people can think this way -- their conception of marriage must be very different than mine. But I keep reading here in the hopes that it will become clear.