Where the Kids Come to Mouth Off

[Tyrone Slothrop]

Originally posted on IMAO
Better Go Buy It Quick Before Even More Changes Are Made

The original Star Wars trilogy comes out on DVD today (which, incidentally, you can buy on my sidebar from Amazon.com; yay money for me!). They're doing a huge ad blitz, including using Yoda as a sponsor for Campbell's soup ("Mmm, mmm good it is."). To the anger of purists, only the special edition is being released, and George Lucas has made even more changes for the DVD:

• Since it was so unrealistic for the Death Star to have all those gaping holes, rails and safety nets have been digitally added in.
  
• Because most people don't realize there is a pilot named Wedge in all three movies, he now has a funky theme song that plays whenever he is on screen.
  
• Return of the Jedi is now entirely a musical.
  
• To make Obi Wan match up more with the actor who plays him in the new movies, he now has a heroin addiction.
  
• The Sarlacc pit monster has been replaced with Michael Moore waist deep in the sand, mouth agape.
  
• In Cloud city, Darth Vader now runs into the wrecked C3PO and remarks, "Hey, that's the robot I built when I was an annoying kid. Ain't that wacky?"
  
• To show Luke falling for the dark side, at one point he grabs Yoda and shakes him violently while yelling, "Put words in the proper order, you shriveled, green freak!"
  
• In the fight between Luke and Vader in the Cloud City, their lightsabers are knocked from their hands. They then go on to kung fu fight, the fight eventually leading to the tops of bamboo trees.
  
• To make the first movie more diverse, Snoop Dogg has been added as one of the pilots flying against the Death Star. After the Death Star is destroyed, Han Solo's line of, "That was one shot in a million, kid," has been replaced with Snoop Dogg saying, "That shot was the shiznit, honkey!"
  
• Through CGI, the Ewoks have been made even cuter!
  
• The legendary deleted unicorn dream sequence was added back in... before they realized they were thinking of the wrong movie.
  
• The giant space worm that swallows the Millennium Falcon has been replaced with a two times size Michael Moore.
  
• In A New Hope, Luke is 20% whinier.
  
• George Lucas thinks that Han Solo shooting Greedo after Greedo fires once still makes Han look too mean, so now Greedo fires a dozen times while standing two feet away, missing the unmoving Han Solo with each shot. When Han finally shoot Greedo, it now appears more as an act of mercy.
  
• Jar Jar Binks has been digitally added throughout the trilogy, doing his wacky pratfalls we all love so dear.
  
• When Luke removes Darth Vader's helmet, Anakin Skywalker now has no eyebrows... and the head of a monkey!
  
• To give Lando more character, he is now always ranting about how much he hates the Mexicans.
  
• Princess Leia is now a wookie. The only reason she wasn't when they first filmed it was because they ran out of yak hair.
  
• C3PO and R2D2 finally kiss.
  
• To tempt Luke to the dark side, the Emperor sings a rap song with Darth Vader using his heavy breathing to do the beat.
  
• While training on Dagobah, Yoda tells Luke about mitochlorians while Luke stifles back laughter.

Also, there is a DVD extra where George Lucas has a special message for fans of the original trilogy. It consists of him flipping off the camera.

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally posted by LessinSF
Pressure Chief will be released on October 5 and their tour starts the same day. Whoo Hoo!

They played two or three songs from the new album, and I thought all of them were good. They're releasing the songs on their website as well, and they encouraged everyone to pull a str8 and join their fan club. Considering they were the last act I saw, and I'd seen some damned good acts and was hot, tired, sun browned, and a lesbian, they were very good at keeping me in the festival until their final encore. As far as i could tell, they were the only act that played an encore.

[tmdiva]

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan Considering they were the last act I saw, and I'd seen some damned good acts and was hot, tired, sun browned, and a lesbian

I'm still stuck on this last part. Did you really not have any idea before that this might be the case?

tm

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally posted by tmdiva
I'm still stuck on this last part. Did you really not have any idea before that this might be the case?

tm

I just assumed I was a student of the human body. I have been corrected on that point.

BTW, Happy 70th birthday to Leonard Cohen. He can dance me to the end of love any time he wants.

[Aloha Mr. Learned Hand]

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
I just assumed I was a student of the human body. I have been corrected on that point.

BTW, Happy 70th birthday to Leonard Cohen. He can dance me to the end of love any time he wants.

Not to be the human sexuality Timmy or anything, but isn't dancing with the old dude to the end of love a tad inconsistent with your newfound lesbian -ism, -ness, -osity, -whatever?

[Oliver_Wendell_Ramone]

Originally posted by Aloha Mr. Learned Hand
Not to be the human sexuality Timmy or anything, but isn't dancing with the old dude to the end of love a tad inconsistent with your newfound lesbian -ism, -ness, -osity, -whatever?

I think the term you're looking for is "extreme hotness."

Still waiting for the photographic or video evidence, btw.

[SlaveNoMore]

A former GA poster and friend pointed me out to this story of the Stanford grad arrested for prostitution

Her website (not suitable for work) is here.

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by dtb
[Geezis -- I almost typed my real name here] dtb

When people meet IRL, say ACL, do you sometimes use monikers to refer to each other? I know you have to use real names because there are others there.

When you guys post do you sometimes almost say Bob or whatever, instead of SS?

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by SlaveNoMore
A former GA poster and friend pointed me out to this story of the Stanford grad arrested for prostitution

Her website (not suitable for work) is here.

Damn. I can see why her hourly rate is higher than mine.

[mmm3587]

She has those weird mannish lips which are characteristic of the Brazilian (not that kind) fads in plastic surgery. She reminds me of that famous American (I think) socialite who has had so much plastic surgery that she just looks FUCKED UP. Jacko fucked up. I guess that she has a hot body, but, JMAJ, I can't understand why otherwise hot people completely fuck themselves up into disgusting husks of themselves (Hi, Not me!).

Note, thought, that she has managed to run afoul of any criminal sanctions, and just had a bunch of cash seized. While that sucks, it sounds like she has mostly managed to run afoul of the popo. For someone in that business and that high profile, that's pretty good. I would take forfeiture of $61k over federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison (or whatever the female equivalent is) any day.

[Shape Shifter]

Some examples:

BEANO COOK, 1981
CBS spokesman, after Bowie Kuhn gave the 52 former Iranian hostages lifetime major league baseball passes:

"Haven't they suffered enough?"

MAGIC JOHNSON, 1986
on how well he and teammate James Worthy work together on the court:

"It's almost like we have ESPN."


TORRIN POLK, 1991
University of Houston receiver, praising his coach, John Jenkins:

"He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."

JEFF INNIS, 1991
New York Mets pitcher, on an unflattering photo of him:

"That picture was taken out of context."


BILL BELICHICK, 1992
Cleveland Browns coach, on his team's preparation before a game with the San Diego Chargers:

"I don't think there's anybody in this organization not focused on the 49ers ... I mean Chargers."

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/200...927/index.html

[Atticus Grinch]

Originally posted by SlaveNoMore
A former GA poster and friend pointed me out to this story of the Stanford grad arrested for prostitution

Her website (not suitable for work) is here.

"Based on my training and experience, generally people whose adjusted gross income is consistently less than $13,500 a year are not able to put themselves through Stanford Law School, lease a $70,000 Mercedes-Benz for $1,486 a month, live alone in a $1,800-a-month apartment, pay off almost $300,000 in loans, compile savings over $10,000, build a cash hoard of $40,000, throw away $2,400 in cash and buy postal money orders totaling $13,500 all at one time."

One can see how he got to be a Special Agent. How can our federal government be so far in debt when its employees have apparently never heard of credit cards?

[SlaveNoMore]

Shape Shifter
Some examples:

BEANO COOK, 1981
CBS spokesman, after Bowie Kuhn gave the 52 former Iranian hostages lifetime major league baseball passes:

"Haven't they suffered enough?"

MAGIC JOHNSON, 1986
on how well he and teammate James Worthy work together on the court:

"It's almost like we have ESPN."


TORRIN POLK, 1991
University of Houston receiver, praising his coach, John Jenkins:

"He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."

JEFF INNIS, 1991
New York Mets pitcher, on an unflattering photo of him:

"That picture was taken out of context."


BILL BELICHICK, 1992
Cleveland Browns coach, on his team's preparation before a game with the San Diego Chargers:

"I don't think there's anybody in this organization not focused on the 49ers ... I mean Chargers."

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/200...927/index.html

They left out my favorite:

"When I was a little boy, I wanted to be a baseball player and join the circus. With the Yankees, I've accomplished both."

- Graig Nettles

[Mister_Ruysbroeck]

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
I just assumed I was a student of the human body. I have been corrected on that point.

Interesting development. I've never seen someone "come out" on-line. So, are you gay or bi or trying to figure out which?

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
You're not dead yet? How's the tummy, sunnybunny?

SS,

Please, for Chrissakes, do not use the term "tummy". Its awful.

Thanks,
SD