Quote:
Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
A related question for the board: It is my practice, in expressing condolences, to say or write "You're in my family's prayers" even if the bereaved is not known to be religious or spiritual in any way, unless on previous occasions the bereaved has expressly denounced all religion practiced by me and others as hokum. ... "You'll be in my thoughts" never seems like enough.
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I tend to use "thoughts and prayers" for mostly the same reasons. Anyone not given to prayer and not given to rabid hatred of all religion will usually take it as a standard expression not to be subjected to too much literal scrutiny. Anyone given to prayer will be consoled that we are praying. If I know of anti-religious sentiment, I just say "thoughts," and I haven't yet had anyone surprise me upon receiving a condolence note with as yet unsuspected rabid anti-religiosity so far.
In one case where I knew of rigid atheism, but I didn't know enough about the deceased to say much of anything beyond "bummer," I think I said something like "our heart goes out to you, please know you are in our thoughts at this difficult time" or something like that so it didn't seem quite so bare.
Condolence notes are like thank you notes, birthday/anniversary notes and invitations: once you have a model, just change the names and fill in the blank left for the one specific reference necessary to make it personal. People forget that writing a condolence (or thank you) note is extremely easy, and takes significantly less time that getting a card anyhow.
BRC's Model Condolence Note, for any and all occasions:
"Dear _________,
I was so [shocked and] saddened to hear of your loss. [I] [The Mr.] [My Mother] always remember fondly [your stories of] [___insert some specific thing you either witnessed or heard the addressee say about the deceased ____]. [If the deceased was universally hated, replace the preceding sentence with "_______ had such a strong influence on all who knew him." If the deceased was a wallflower and made no impression on anyone, replace with "________ was always a calm eye in the storm of our day-to-day existence." If all else fails, or in addition, use the ambiguous "I can only express my sincere sympathy for what you must feel."] Please know that you are in the Mr.'s and my thoughts [and prayers].
Sincerely yours,
BRC"
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