To fuck or to cook?

[Atticus Grinch]

Originally Posted by Hank Chinaski

true story- my wife walks with a woman who hates sex- married with two kids and no interest in it at all- as I said, I don't think it that unusual BUT she tells my wife that she encourages her hubby to jack off in the shower.

two things- one, you ain't fucking me, I may still stay for the kids, but you don't have any say so over my jacking off. that I do on my terms.

two, how the fuck is she telling the neighbors how odd the hubbie is?

If "encourages" means she once told him she doesn't mind, I agree that it was meanspirited. Living that kind of life, it would be hotter to do it anyway while thinking she would be outraged if she walked in on him.

If "encourages" means she stands outside the shower in a cheerleader costume, and gives him a hug when he finishes, I say "to each his/her own."

[Atticus Grinch]

Originally Posted by Count de Monet II Esq

Although I can be a cad, why assume this is about me, and not, perhaps, a long-suppressed-evolving-and-contorted-by-the-ravages-of-time lame sex poll?

I'm not in a situation where a gf has lost her job. And, even if I were, the ensuing guilt from just the idea of abandoning someone at that point would be difficult to bear.

I have easy advice if this is a gf, to wit, it's over but she still wants someone to split rent and cable with. There is a name for a bf/gf who isn't fucking you, and it's f. An f who isn't fucking you has no say in whether you find another f to fuck.

If it's a spouse, things are different. Very different. Even if the idea of a vow is not taken seriously, the transaction costs of breaking up mean that a rational actor would try to fix this. And as someone already said, any person who has a soluntion to this whenever it happens in a marriage will be very rich indeed.

[Fugee]

Perhaps not surprisingly, this has been the mental soundtrack while I've been reading this thread......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTvU3...eature=related

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally Posted by Atticus Grinch

I have easy advice if this is a gf, to wit, it's over but she still wants someone to split rent and cable with. There is a name for a bf/gf who isn't fucking you, and it's f. An f who isn't fucking you has no say in whether you find another f to fuck.

If it's a spouse, things are different. Very different. Even if the idea of a vow is not taken seriously, the transaction costs of breaking up mean that a rational actor would try to fix this. And as someone already said, any person who has a soluntion to this whenever it happens in a marriage will be very rich indeed.

g.o.

this is the first time the wife will be able to tell her friends a lt originated joke.

[PresentTense Pirate Penske]

Originally Posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy

I think she was telling your wife that she wouldn't stand in her way.

I am okay with that. Hank's wife and I have an open relationship,,,,,,,

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally Posted by PresentTense Pirate Penske

I am okay with that. Hank's wife and I have an open relationship,,,,,,,

whoa. I knew she bore kids to atticus, but I thought the infidelity has been sole the last several years. NWTF?

[taxwonk]

Originally Posted by Count de Monet II Esq

Seems to be a cooking lull, how about another twist on the fucking hypothetical?




Suppose the same disconnect on frequency is going on, but gets worse, and the bf/gf/spouse's libido disappears, but he/she still wants affection and requests cuddling/snuggling/lounging together, but there can be no kissing, and sex is out of the question. Do you indulge them at will, out of compassion/love/what you will, despite the risk that you may exacerbate your own sexual frustration level (basically self-inflicted blue balls or blue clitori/g-spot, figuratively or literally), indulge them on occasion and engage in masterbation to avoid exacerbation, refuse to indulge them until their libido reappears, or take some other path?

Talk about it. If you don't, it will fester, and you'll wind up like me. Nobody should have to wind up like me.

[taxwonk]

Originally Posted by Adder

Dan Savage answer: The by/gf/spouse with no libido is being cruel if he/she/it expects you do go without sex, in particular if she insists on the type of physical intimacy he/she/it wants. You need to talk with he/she/it about your needs, and if he/she/it isn't willing to satisfy your needs, you need to tell him/her/it that you are going to do what you need to have your needs met. If you really love him/her/it and there the relationship is valuable to you, maybe you need to start getting some on the side. But if this person is just a bf/gf, you really need to ask yourself if you are sexually compatible whether you can go through life with this person sexually unfullfiled.

Adder answer: Take what you can get.

Dan Savage has much wisdom, but he doesn't know the married w/ kids world at all. On the other hand, he (unlike some others I can think of) knows better than to speak of that about which he knows not.

[Adder]

Originally Posted by taxwonk

Talk about it. If you don't, it will fester, and you'll wind up like me. Nobody should have to wind up like me.

Well...

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally Posted by Adder

Well...

no offense adder but you have a few miles to go to be where wonk is.

he has reproduced, as one example point.

[Adder]

Originally Posted by Hank Chinaski

no offense adder but you have a few miles to go to be where wonk is.

he has reproduced, as one example point.

Old skool whiff?

[Count de Monet II Esq]

Originally Posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy

You mean Count isn't an Adder sock?

I thought Adder was my spawn.

[taxwonk]

Originally Posted by Count de Monet II Esq

I thought Adder was my spawn.

You're bragging about this?


Oh yeah, you haven't been around for a while and your blue balls are clouding your brain. Sorry, Dude.

[PresentTense Pirate Penske]

Originally Posted by Hank Chinaski

whoa. I knew she bore kids to atticus, but I thought the infidelity has been sole the last several years. NWTF?

Atticus? I think that had to be artificial insemination, iykwimaittwad, no offence.

[PresentTense Pirate Penske]

Originally Posted by taxwonk

Dan Savage has much wisdom, but he doesn't know the married w/ kids world at all. On the other hand, he (unlike some others I can think of) knows better than to speak of that about which he knows not.

Dissent. from my personal experience, Dan is partnered and they have a child.