Missing the Paigow (et al.) [sniff]

[spookyfish]

Originally posted by Not Bob
Because I've already ruined Less's week by destroying his fantasy of me lusting after Minnie Pearl, I decided that it was time for an inane poll -- what holiday songs do you hate?

I'll go first -- "Christmas Shoes." Nothing else is even close. Cloyingly sacharine lyrics, emotion-filled white-guy voice rising to a crescendo at the end -- argh.

That's easy. "I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas." This is obligatory on the playlist of certain Clearfinity stations on Christmas day. It's a stupid song, probably from the '50's (if I were to guess) sung by a woman in a forced "little girl" voice, including forced mispronunciations. The. Single. Dumbest. Christmas. Song. EVER.

It not only makes me want to take a hammer to the stereo, but also take an ice pick to my eardrums.

[greatwhitenorthchick]

Originally posted by Not Bob
Because I've already ruined Less's week by destroying his fantasy of me lusting after Minnie Pearl, I decided that it was time for an inane poll -- what holiday songs do you hate?

I'll go first -- "Christmas Shoes." Nothing else is even close. Cloyingly sacharine lyrics, emotion-filled white-guy voice rising to a crescendo at the end -- argh.

1. "Do they know it's Christmas?" I alternately like and despise this song. I like it because it's full of cheesy UK 80s pop stars that remind me of my reckless 80s youth. (Ultravox? wtf). I despise it because I despised it when it came out for being culturally insensitive. Yes, there's snow in Africa. Ever been to Kilimanjaro? And perhaps they don't know it's Christmas because they don't fucking celebrate Christmas? Ever heard of tribal religions? The Masaai probably don't know it's Christmas and don't care, thank you very much.

2. At the risk of incurring the wrath of the Bruce fans, "Merry Christmas Baby". I don't care if it's a celebration of the working man at Christmas. I don't give a fuck. It's just an annoying song.

3. Any version of "I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" done in a breathy voice. Actually, any version, period.

4. "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth". Bah humbug.

I'm not a grinch - I like it when the Whos down in Whoville sing and the Grinch carves the roast beast.

[greatwhitenorthchick]

Does this remind anyone of anyone?

Little boy: ...and sometimes, my penis, gets stuck on my shirt!
Mom: It does, huh?
Little boy: Yeah, but I just pull it back off!

--Barnes & Noble ladies' room, Union Square


Overheard by: Kate Elizabeth Queram

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally posted by Not Bob
Because I've already ruined Less's week by destroying his fantasy of me lusting after Minnie Pearl, I decided that it was time for an inane poll -- what holiday songs do you hate?

I'll go first -- "Christmas Shoes." Nothing else is even close. Cloyingly sacharine lyrics, emotion-filled white-guy voice rising to a crescendo at the end -- argh.

I don't know what it's called. I don't want to know what it's called, but I will drop everything and leave the premises if I hear this stupid, idoitic, can't-stand-to-even-think-about-it Christmas song that repeats the words "hey Santa" over and over again.

Bed, Bath, and Beyond! lost the sale of some satin sheets, some of those cool new silicone baking pans, a stainless steel trash can and assorted kitchen stocking stuffers (possibly even an avacado slicer) last year or the year before because of that song. May whoever wrote, sang, produced or otherwise was associated with inflicting the song on the general public be forced to live in a hell where they hear nothing but that song for eternity.

My drinking last night was done on the premise that the TWU had some balls and would shut this goddamn city down today. Mike Quill is spinning in his grave.

[spookyfish]

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
I don't know what it's called. I don't want to know what it's called, but I will drop everything and leave the premises if I hear this stupid, idoitic, can't-stand-to-even-think-about-it Christmas song that repeats the words "hey Santa" over and over again.

Bed, Bath, and Beyond! lost the sale of some satin sheets, some of those cool new silicone baking pans, a stainless steel trash can and assorted kitchen stocking stuffers (possibly even an avacado slicer) last year or the year before because of that song. May whoever wrote, sang, produced or otherwise was associated with inflicting the song on the general public be forced to live in a hell where they hear nothing but that song for eternity.

Crazily enough, it's called "Hey Santa!" and is sung by the sisters Wilson (no, not the ones from Heart, the ones from Brian).



And really, isn't being Carnie Wilson hell enough, when it comes right down to it?

[Sparklehorse]

Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
Does this remind anyone of anyone?

Little boy: ...and sometimes, my penis, gets stuck on my shirt!
Mom: It does, huh?
Little boy: Yeah, but I just pull it back off!

--Barnes & Noble ladies' room, Union Square


Overheard by: Kate Elizabeth Queram

Yes, when I read it I thought he seems like the kind of boy who would use a blow-up Santa as a punching bag.

[Sparklehorse]

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
Bed, Bath, and Beyond! lost the sale of some of those cool new silicone baking pans

Maybe I should take it to the other strand but I read recently in one of the cooking magazines that when they tested the silicone cookware against the traditional pans, the traditional pans won. The silicone apparently has a tendency to overbrown the outside and leave the inside undercooked.

[Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)]

Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
Yes, there's snow in Africa. Ever been to Kilimanjaro?

It was remarkably prescient--global warming and all.

[str8outavannuys]

Not often you get a cross-over book club/lingerie post, but I thought some people might find it funny that Fredericks of Hollywood has a new item -- the Lola Vavoom corset, indirectly named after the "Thursday Next" minor character.* Of course, since the names of their items don't appear anywhere except on internal reports, it might be tough for you to find the Lola Vavoom corset in stores, but still, you can be happy knowing that there is such a thing.

*It's actually named for our dog, who was named after the literary character.

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally posted by str8outavannuys
Not often you get a cross-over book club/lingerie post, but I thought some people might find it funny that Fredericks of Hollywood has a new item -- the Lola Vavoom corset, indirectly named after the "Thursday Next" minor character.* Of course, since the names of their items don't appear anywhere except on internal reports, it might be tough for you to find the Lola Vavoom corset in stores, but still, you can be happy knowing that there is such a thing.

*It's actually named for our dog, who was named after the literary character.

You named your dog Lola Vavoom? That's awesome.

[Did you just call me Coltrane?]

Originally posted by ironweed
My drinking last night was done on the premise that the TWU had some balls and would shut this goddamn city down today. Mike Quill is spinning in his grave.

Good god. The drinking. Why does the Beer of the Month excite me so? 19 oz Pilsner Urquell for $4? I'll have 11.

[Sunny's Snot Rocket]

Originally posted by Atticus Grinch
Whoever has me for FB Secret Santa, get me one of these. Be sure to include a commemorative hot sauce packet.

Consider it done.

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
Good god. The drinking. Why does the Beer of the Month excite me so? 19 oz Pilsner Urquell for $4? I'll have 11.

One for every apostle but Judas. Good man. And people say the spiritual aspect of the season is being neglected.

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by Sparklehorse
Yes, when I read it I thought he seems like the kind of boy who would use a blow-up Santa as a punching bag.

Snowman. And he had it coming.