Fashion Board 1-08-04 through 02-03-04

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
There's a very easy way to have a great platonic meeting with an ex you still find hot - jerk off beforehand.

Simple problem, simple solution.

Before I realized it was you posting, i thought you were gonna say "bring the SO to the meeting".

which reminds me that I started seeing a guy and then found out that he was VERY into all of his exes hanging out together and becoming friends. I thought that was nuts and dumped him. That's a bizarre ego trip, right? If it just happened, fine, but he seemed to encourage this. I personally dont want to see my So's ex bc I have a vivid imagination, so I definitely dont want to meet them.

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
After reading all this, all I can say is that men underestimate a woman's ability to understand or cope bc they might ask a couple of questions to get the facts straight, and that women appraently overestimate a man's ability to cope. Men are jealous babies and women are understanding and rational if they have reason not ot be threatened (and all they need is facts if the relatinship is healthy). In my last two relationships, both exes have met with their exes and while I wasnt thrilled about it, I talked to the SO and got the facts, told them what I thought, and let them do their thing. It was a nonissue in the healthier relatsioship bc I trusted the guy. and trust is necessary fora relationship. if there is trust and a history of disclosure and honesty, there should be no problem with such things besides a raised eyebrow that can be easily lowered after the intiaial surprise.

Part of the reason people are having different opinions on this might be the nature of the meeting. You might be talking about two different meetings.
You seem to assume they're talking about a quiet drink for an hour to talk over old times. I can't imagine many SOs not being able to handle this.
But the original hypo was a night out drinking for several hours. Not catch-up; fun. For this not to be likely to turn sexual would require a friendship I certainly don't have with any ex, but maybe someone does. If I did want to go out drinking all night with an ex that would be a hard thing to sell the wife.
But, I agree with you that not being honest would seem very wrong, and damaging to the relationship even if she didn't find out.

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
Part of the reason people are having different opinions on this might be the nature of the meeting. You might be talking about two different meetings.
You seem to assume they're talking about a quiet drink for an hour to talk over old times. I can't imagine many SOs not being able to handle this.
But the original hypo was a night out drinking for several hours. Not catch-up; fun. For this not to be likely to turn sexual would require a friendship I certainly don't have with any ex, but maybe someone does. If I did want to go out drinking all night with an ex that would be a hard thing to sell the wife.
But, I agree with you that not being honest would seem very wrong, and damaging to the relationship even if she didn't find out.

Both of my SOs ended up spending a material amount of time at their exes houses for two different reasons both exes were an airplane's flight away from me. I dont think it matters.

[bilmore]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
But, I agree with you that not being honest would seem very wrong, and damaging to the relationship even if she didn't find out.

And, while if one of the two did find out and was completely rational and accepting about it and decided that the violation of trust could be forgiven and worked through, it's too easy to basically fall out of love at that point, no matter the conscious intent to get past things. Once you know that you have reason to wonder at the truth of what you're being told by someone, that will always be in your mind on some level. Just not worth it.

Originally posted by bilmore
And, while if one of the two did find out and was completely rational and accepting about it and decided that the violation of trust could be forgiven and worked through, it's too easy to basically fall out of love at that point, no matter the conscious intent to get past things. Once you know that you have reason to wonder at the truth of what you're being told by someone, that will always be in your mind on some level. Just not worth it.

a violation of trust can never be forgotten. when that happens, its over even if you stay together.

[bilmore]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
a violation of trust can never be forgotten. when that happens, its over even if you stay together.

I think we're agreeing. When trust is violated, you can consciously decide to forgive the person, and move on, but you then always know that the person is essentially untrustworthy, and that factors into everything forever.

[leagleaze]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
...this not to be likely to turn sexual would require a friendship I certainly don't have with any ex, but maybe someone does. If I did want to go out drinking all night with an ex that would be a hard thing to sell the wife.

We aren't assuming that at all, at least I am not. What we are saying is if that is your intention or there is even a possibility of it, there is no reason to put yourself in this position.

This hypo would be a basis for a case of reasonable jealousy on the part of the spouse. So of course you wouldn't be able to sell it to her. You'd be nuts to try to, and you be nuts to go.

[purse junkie]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
But the original hypo was a night out drinking for several hours. Not catch-up; fun. For this not to be likely to turn sexual would require a friendship I certainly don't have with any ex, but maybe someone does. If I did want to go out drinking all night with an ex that would be a hard thing to sell the wife.
But, I agree with you that not being honest would seem very wrong, and damaging to the relationship even if she didn't find out.

If you tell me you're going out for a drink with an ex, I'll assume you're going out for a drink with your ex. If you don't tell me, I'll assume there's a reason you don't want to tell me, and I'll be rightly pissed when inevitably I find out that you lied.

Have some guts and just spit it out like a man (or woman, whatever). If it's an innocent drink, who gives?

[evenodds]

How long after the end of a dating relationship before your friend take a shot with your ex?

I have an extremely incestuous group of friends. Well, we didn't realize how incestuous until last night . . . also known as one of the funniest nights of my life.

Two of my friends (previously discussed here as extremely hot musician and very attractive rich guy) are meeting up with (1) an ex-girlfriend of EHM and a group of her friends, and (2) a woman VARG is now dating and a group of her friends. Yeah, I know it's the same woman several hours before the meeting, but who am I to say anything. EHM calls to say, uh, new girl (that is hot girl #2) is also coming, but I don't want to get involved with her, though she wants me, I think VARG should date her. These two, who met through me only weeks ago, are able to talk to both of these women and each other without any difficulty. If anything, now they are boys.

While all of this is going on, the ex-hook-up of my least attractive guy friend [who I also didn't date] is a hot woman (#3) we all like very much. They hooked up months ago, but upon meeting her, lagf decides that this is the woman for him so he has pursued her ardently for months though he has been constantly rebuffed.

So, my ex takes #3 out on the dance floor. LAGF sees them, freaks out, and starts gesturing wildly back in vip where the rest of us are hanging out. My ex #2 grabs LAGF and cuffs him. I head downstairs to check out the goings on and see them a little closer than absolutely necessary.

LAGF freaks out that his best friend is hitting on "his girlfriend."

So, what's the statute of limitations?

[ThurgreedMarshall]

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
His comment, stupidly, was "I didn't want you to get upset." Then he saw me get upset.

I'm interested in what happened after you got upset. Was all trust lost? Did you ever get over it? What happened?

TM

[ThurgreedMarshall]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Those absolutists who say "If he/she cheated on me once, I'd leave" are like upper middle class pro-lifers. They yap a good game, but when push comes to shove, they stay with the one time cheater, and they send the daughter to a discrete clinic outside of town to take care of her "medical issue."

I know you didn't mean it this way, but this paragraph sounds like the husband cheated on the wife with the daughter. Yuck.

TM

[ThurgreedMarshall]

Originally posted by notcasesensitive
Maybe it's the hat that makes you look like a misogynist.

Coltrane and Sequels:





TM

[purse junkie]

Originally posted by evenodds
How long after the end of a dating relationship before your friend take a shot with your ex?

LAGF freaks out that his best friend is hitting on "his girlfriend."

So, what's the statute of limitations?

When you won't reasonably be hurt if your friend takes a shot with your ex. It's up to the friend to ask you/be sensitive to your individual timetable.

LAGF though sounds like he's hallucinating. There's no SOL needed in the case of irrational self-delusion.

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by leagleaze
We aren't assuming that at all, at least I am not. What we are saying is if that is your intention or there is even a possibility of it, there is no reason to put yourself in this position.

This hypo would be a basis for a case of reasonable jealousy on the part of the spouse. So of course you wouldn't be able to sell it to her. You'd be nuts to try to, and you be nuts to go.

The main things making me think of cheating lately are your avatars. Hubba hubba! Woo woo!

[leagleaze]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
The main things making me think of cheating lately are your avatars.

Yeah, well, deal.