A frolic in Cambodia

[Atticus Grinch]

Problem with the deskshitter scenario: we may need to outsource it to India.

RE - Bodily Functions

Mr. Lex once walked into his own parent's room drunk in the middle of the night (woke them up in the process), pissed in the corner on the floor, and then walked into his room and passed out.

He may also have peed in a closet under similar circumstances, but I can't remember the details. I puked all over one of his good friends, but not out of spite or anything. Sorry, Doug!

RE - 150m

I have no boss, so I have no current material to work with. The worst I have done in the past (besides stealing enough office supplies to run my own firm for a year and rationalizing it by calling it my "severance package") is volunteer to testify against an old boss in a multi-mil federal fraud action against em. Bastard.

[andViolins]

First poster for Revenge of the Sith (nerds rejoice!)



aV

edit: it worked on preview, but not when i posted it. weird. you can see it at http://www.empiremovies.com/images/p...f-the-sith.jpg

[spookyfish]

Originally posted by Fugee
I need a Halloween prank for my next door neighbor. I like him so I'm not looking for mean ones; I just want to even the score from last year. Last Halloween, the first trick-or-treater at my door looked like a stocky 6th-7th grader, wearing a Jason mask and a black cape. After I gave him some candy, he asked for more. I gave him another piece because I always have leftovers but he asked for another. This time I said no. Then he asked to use the bathroom and I also said no. He asked why not and I looked at him more closely and noticed that this "kid" had larger hands than expected and called him on not being a kid. My neighbor pulled off his mask and stood up, laughing his head off. He pulled that on at least 2 other neighbors. I want payback.

How about smashing his car windows with a baseball bat? Now that's a good prank! Either that, or you can shit on his front porch.

Are pity votes ever appropriate in a Congressional election? The US Rep. in my district is a pretty decent guy and there is zero, zip, nada nil no chance that he will not be re-elected. He isn't even running TV ads (bless his heart). I typically vote for him even though he is GOP and I am not. But I'm thinking of voting for his opponent to encourage good people to run against him in future elections to remind him that there are some non-GOP folks in the district and he should live up to his billboards that imply he will be bi-partisan.

I don't see why not. They're no less appropriate than a protest vote, and at least you have set forth sound reasons for wanting to vote that way. It's your vote, do what you want with it.

[baltassoc]

Originally posted by TexLex
I have no boss, so I have no current material to work with. The worst I have done in the past ... is volunteer to testify against an old boss in a multi-mil federal fraud action against em. Bastard.

That's awesome. You are my hero.

When I left my last job, I considered just not making myself available to answer questions about the couple of clients that I was the only one with regular contact with, but that would have screwed the clients more than the partners, and I liked the clients.

Were I never to need to work in this town again, I would crap in a certain person's Porsche. Way, way worse than the desk.

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by cheval de frise
The partners keep score with money, and they resent the insane hours required to make that money. )

I'm not sure this is the angle to get them. We all see people who live that life. The rich guy's sons or guys who bludered into $$$ somehow. I've come across 4 or 5 guys who live some completely great life, who need me to kill trees and put words on paper occasionally. Hell 2 of them I made rich- they paid my bill but where are the dividends? I'm in IP, I bet you business guys see lots more super rich.

I'm really really jealous, but not in a drives me crazy way. More like in a "if only it were me," like when all the girls talk about having T dreams.

What the partners you hate most would be bothered by most would be your getting into their client relationships. That's all most of them care about.

I would do this.....First, take off 4 or 5 months. Relax, travel, do nothing.

Then take stock- Do I really still care about the guy who used to fuck me daily? There have been some that would certainly pass this test.

I'd get an in house job with one of his bigger clients. In the interview, I'd say I'm really wanting to focus on the position and to have significant responsibility- I'm less concerned about compensation at this stage of my career- but I do need to have complete freedom in interaction with outside counsel. Once in, I'd start slowly, kicking back work to him as unacceptable. Initially, it would be typos grammar, etc. Surface problems. At first he screw the senior associates to review more carefully (collateral damage*), but I'd still keep kicking it back. Soon it might be made up stylistic stuff, but it would keep going back. In a few months he'd be thinking he had to review everything himself- once I got to that I'd ease up to the occasional kick back to keep his blood pressure up.

Meanwhile, in phone calls I'd stay friendly. I'd try and keep up firm gossip, and act like we're friends. I'd want him to know I'm not being critical to fuck with him- we're still tight. My criticisms are serious and objective.

By then, I'd have been there long enough to ask my boss for invoice review responsibility. Random questions about entries, requests for a copy of the work product again, etc...

Then I'd hit him with 3 or 4 sustantive problems I'd found in whatever time I actually did invest in review over the past few months. I'd demand more accountability and even greater review- I might suggest that some other partner review HIS work. When I got the next bill I'd ask how he could bill me for the 2nd guy's time when all he was doing was catching HIS mistakes.

Soon, every mention/interaction/piece of work product for my company will be another nail in his coffin.

I just think most of these guy would like a fresh pile of shit on their desk.

*associate would get kicked off his files and move to other partners, and they'd be better off

[dtb]

Originally posted by cheval de frise
It shouldn't just be a one-off.

I worked on an IPO for a tech company (during the tech-bubble), and the slave, uh.. I mean "scribe" on the issuer's side had a lot of money somehow -- I think maybe his wife was loaded. Anyway, the partner he worked for would tell him that he had to come in over the weekend, and the dude would just say, "Uh... yeeeeaaaah (like the boss in Office Space), um... I don't think so."

They eventually had a chat to him, and he left the firm.

Of course, one's tolerance for bullshit like working on weekends is inversely proportional to the size of one's bank account, so I can't say I'm surprised at the guy's attitude. What I am surprised about is how long it took the firm to get rid of him (this is all from second-hand information -- I didn't work at that firm).

Chevy is right - I think it really irks bosses to know you don't need the job.

[viet_mom]

Originally posted by dtb
This reminds me: one time my dog ate her own feces (wait -- it gets better!!). I later remarked to my husband that the dog had a shit-eating grin.

Reminds me of a terrible day as a youngster babysitting my Aunt's dog Sheba. During a walk, Sheba plopped down and began munching on her own poops. It was nauseating because it was cold out and the poos had steam coming from them still. I tugged her along but then she started eating some other dog's semi-hardened poo (Big pile! Must have been Great Dane). Ugh. I tugged her along back to the house. But then inside, she immediately vomited all of this stuff on the bean bag chair I was sitting on (okay it was the seventies) and this stuff was poopy-ish and also hot and warm. The final straw was when Sheba then begin LICKING UP this mess. At that point, I'd reached my limit and went and barfed myself (but in private so Sheba couldn't get at it.) I will not be getting a dog anytime soon.

Enjoy your breakfast everyone! I know you are glad for my contribution on this board.

[Greedy,Greedy,Greedy]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
I'm not sure this is the angle to get them. We all see people who live that life. The rich guy's sons or guys who bludered into $$$ somehow. I've come across 4 or 5 guys who live some completely great life, who need me to kill trees and put words on paper occasionally. Hell 2 of them I made rich- they paid my bill but where are the dividends? I'm in IP, I bet you business guys see lots more super rich.

I'm really really jealous, but not in a drives me crazy way. More like in a "if only it were me," like when all the girls talk about having T dreams.

What the partners you hate most would be bothered by most would be your getting into their client relationships. That's all most of them care about.

I would do this.....First, take off 4 or 5 months. Relax, travel, do nothing.

Then take stock- Do I really still care about the guy who used to fuck me daily? There have been some that would certainly pass this test.

I'd get an in house job with one of his bigger clients. In the interview, I'd say I'm really wanting to focus on the position and to have significant responsibility- I'm less concerned about compensation at this stage of my career- but I do need to have complete freedom in interaction with outside counsel. Once in, I'd start slowly, kicking back work to him as unacceptable. Initially, it would be typos grammar, etc. Surface problems. At first he screw the senior associates to review more carefully (collateral damage*), but I'd still keep kicking it back. Soon it might be made up stylistic stuff, but it would keep going back. In a few months he'd be thinking he had to review everything himself- once I got to that I'd ease up to the occasional kick back to keep his blood pressure up.

Meanwhile, in phone calls I'd stay friendly. I'd try and keep up firm gossip, and act like we're friends. I'd want him to know I'm not being critical to fuck with him- we're still tight. My criticisms are serious and objective.

By then, I'd have been there long enough to ask my boss for invoice review responsibility. Random questions about entries, requests for a copy of the work product again, etc...

Then I'd hit him with 3 or 4 sustantive problems I'd found in whatever time I actually did invest in review over the past few months. I'd demand more accountability and even greater review- I might suggest that some other partner review HIS work. When I got the next bill I'd ask how he could bill me for the 2nd guy's time when all he was doing was catching HIS mistakes.

Soon, every mention/interaction/piece of work product for my company will be another nail in his coffin.

I just think most of these guy would like a fresh pile of shit on their desk.

*associate would get kicked off his files and move to other partners, and they'd be better off

Let me get this right - you've got $150mm in the bank and you decide to become a second tier schlep at some corporation, spending months ingratiating yourself with some automaton to get bill review authority, in order to get even with an old boss?

Mikey, get a grip.

[bilmore]

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
What the partners you hate most would be bothered by most would be your getting into their client relationships. That's all most of them care about.

See, now, I think the greatest fuckup I could do to wreak havoc on their lives would simply be to deprive them of me.

But, then, I'm an egotistical asshole.

[Hank Chinaski]

Originally posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy
Let me get this right - you've got $150mm in the bank and you decide to become a second tier schlep at some corporation, spending months ingratiating yourself with some automaton to get bill review authority, in order to get even with an old boss?

Mikey, get a grip.

Well probably not, but T. wouldn't really shit on a desk either and Chevre wouldn't be bribing people and all. This was a sort of fantasy thing- see?

And the premise is built on being in hate really bad. Assuming I still really hated someone I could take a job I really didn't care about for a year. Didn't you ever watch Seinfeld?

[Shape Shifter]

Originally posted by Fugee
I need a Halloween prank for my next door neighbor. I like him so I'm not looking for mean ones; I just want to even the score from last year. Last Halloween, the first trick-or-treater at my door looked like a stocky 6th-7th grader, wearing a Jason mask and a black cape. After I gave him some candy, he asked for more. I gave him another piece because I always have leftovers but he asked for another. This time I said no. Then he asked to use the bathroom and I also said no. He asked why not and I looked at him more closely and noticed that this "kid" had larger hands than expected and called him on not being a kid. My neighbor pulled off his mask and stood up, laughing his head off. He pulled that on at least 2 other neighbors. I want payback.

Ha ha. That's pretty fuckin' funny. About as funny as "accidentally" burning his house down. If you know what I mean.

[Mister_Ruysbroeck]

Originally posted by NotFromHere
GALAHAD: I seek the Grail! I have seen it, here in this castle!

DINGO: No! Oh, no! Bad, bad Zoot!

GALAHAD: What is it?

DINGO: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty Zoot! She has been setting alight to our beacon, which, I just remembered, is grail-shaped. It's not the first time we've had this problem.

GALAHAD: It's not the real Grail?

DINGO: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, evil Zoot! Oh, she is a naughty person, and she must pay the penalty -- and here in Castle Anthrax, we have but one punishment for setting alight the grail-shaped beacon. You must tie her down on a bed and spank her!

GIRLS: A spanking! A spanking!

DINGO: You must spank her well. And after you have spanked her, you may deal with her as you like. And then, spank me.

VARIOUS GIRLS: And spank me. And me. And me.

DINGO: Yes, yes, you must give us all a good spanking!

This proves NFH is a girl. She forgot the best part of the scene: the oral sex!

[Replaced_Texan]

As usual, the Displaced Dog will be a four legged rastafarian for Halloween. This involves absolutely no effort on his part or my part. The Displaced Puppy will be a four legged rastafarian wannabe, as her dreadlocks aren't completely formed yet and her demeanor isn't quite mellow enough. Again, no effort. I am not one of those pet owners who will spent up to $200 on a Halloween costume for my dog. Hell, I can't imagine spending that much on a costume for myself or my kids (if I had any, which I don't, that I know of. I miss Penske. *sniff*).

[ThurgreedMarshall]

Originally posted by bold_n_brazen
Speaking of which...

Does Wheaties put the winner of the Series on the box every year? Because if it doesn't, it seems kind of sad to me. Like, "You guys finally won something so we'll throw you this little bone." I thought it was supposed to be difficult to get on the box.

TM