Less to See than on NHL Center Ice®

[Tyrone Slothrop]

I liked Moneyball and all, but since people here only had nice things to say about the book, go ahead and read this op-ed by Moneyball's author. I'm surely at least half of the board will agree with my assessment of him.

• How to Put Your Wife Out of Business
  
  With women now paid as much as 90 cents on the dollar for the same work as men, it is increasingly difficult to shut down your wife's commercial activities and get her to focus on household chores. Many men don't even bother, but simply accept that their wives will keep their jobs. But those of us who don't — those men who want to bring home the bacon in the spirit of our fathers, and their fathers before them — have very little in the way of guidance or support. Women seeking counsel on how to get the most out of their husbands can dip into a river of self-help books, tawdry daytime TV shows and features that dramatize the female author's plight in women's magazines. Every week, it seems, women are offered ever more expert advice on how to manipulate their men. Men, however, are expected to figure it out all by themselves. And so they don't.
  
  There are many good reasons for putting your wife out of business. One is you want someone to pay careful attention to your children, and you don't feel like doing it yourself. Another is the sheer amount of time it frees up for her to pay attention to you. But the best reason is the pleasure you will receive from proving to the outside world that you can do it.
  
  There was a brief time, from about 1985 to 1991, when high-powered males demonstrated their status by marrying equally high-powered females with high-paying jobs. That time has passed. The surest way for a man to exhibit his social status — the finest bourgeois bling — is to find the most highly paid woman you can, working in the most high-profile job, and shut her down. Bonus points if her job is typically viewed as a "man's" job. Find, for instance, a female professor of science at Harvard and persuade her to swap her Bunsen burners for your Viking gas ones; you will earn the degree of respect typically reserved for CEOs and movie stars. Bonus points for making her unemployment stick. Warren Beatty briefly made a flagrant display of his stature when he married Annette Bening and took her out of movies — but now, alas, she has returned to her acting. And where does that leave him? A bit lower than he was, I think.
  
  What men need, really, are role models. Other men who have done it and lived to tell the tale. Consider, for example, me. I hope I don't need to remind the reader, but I will anyway: When we met, my wife — Tabitha Soren — was a hotshot. She walked from her offices at MTV into Times Square and people shrieked her name and bayed for her autograph. She made pots of money. She couldn't swing a dead cat in the television business without hitting a job offer. And now — behold! Two children later, she has happily abandoned fame and fortune and is making a second "career" as a fine-art photographer.
  
  "How did you do it?," I can hear you asking. I can't claim to offer a comprehensive answer. Just a few pointers:
  
  • Never mention money. It sounds counterintuitive, as money is the source of your power. But you must cede apparent control of the loot you bring in. (This is different from actually ceding control of it.) When you see the credit card charge from the shoe stores, or the charitable donations to women's causes, wince to yourself, by all means. But say nothing. She's just testing you. She too knows the value of a dollar, as she once made money. She suspects that you plan to use your money-making as a weapon against her. Once she sees that you won't — at least, not overtly — she'll rein it in.
  
  • Cushion her fall. The fact is, she'll suffer a bit, psychologically. Our society attaches an absurd importance to the way people get their money. After you've put your wife out of business, she will go from feeling the center of attention to feeling slightly neglected. At dinner parties, people will want to know all about you and nothing about her. Pleasant for you in the short term, the extra attention is disastrous in the long run. You must become expert in a kind of social jujitsu: taking the energy aimed at you and redirecting it toward your wife. Learn to say things like, "Yes, it's true, I painted the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, but see that woman over there, she cleaned the floor! Why is it that no one ever looks more closely at the floor? That's where the beauty is!" It's very important to sound sincere. If you let other people have their way, you'll lose yours.
  
  • Lie. A lot. Women obviously love high- status males, and so they secretly love the fact that you are acquiring status by putting them out of business. But they may not be entirely conscious of the pleasure; they may even believe that one day, after they are finished having children, they would like to return to work. Indulge this fantasy. Allow them to believe that their unemployment is temporary. Say things like, "You can always go back, whenever you want" or "You're probably in more demand now than you were when you were working, you just don't see it." The longer you have her believing this, the less true it becomes.

[tmdiva]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
During her interview this week, a wonderful cameraperson thoughtfully included many shots of her 17-year-old cleavage, which I feel was the best part of her performance.

There is definitely something weird about her face. She probably has had a nosejob, and before her initial audition it looked like she'd had collagen in her upper lip, because it just wasn't moving right. I now think her eyes look weird because they're small and she's wearing makeup that exacerbates that.

Anyway, Mikalah's looks aside, the top 12 looks pretty good. The guys are wayyyyy more interesting than the girls--of the six, the only one I've never voted for is Anthony Fedorov. Of the girls, I've only voted for Carrie and Nadia. I thought Lindsey or Vonzell deserved to leave before Amanda, but I don't think ultimately it will make much difference.

tm

[notcasesensitive]

This guy has the most boring blog ever. But he shares a hatred of umbrella carriers, so maybe the princess can see it in her heart to try him out. She'll have him thinking original thoughts in no time, I'm sure.

[Flinty_McFlint]

Originally posted by Tyrone Slothrop

How to Put Your Wife Out of Business

Hey, anyone who can bag Tabitha Soren is okay in my book. She's like that smart, kind of attractive in a plain way, girl next door.

[barely_legal]

Originally posted by tmdiva
There is definitely something weird about her face. She probably has had a nosejob, and before her initial audition it looked like she'd had collagen in her upper lip, because it just wasn't moving right. I now think her eyes look weird because they're small and she's wearing makeup that exacerbates that.

Anyway, Mikalah's looks aside, the top 12 looks pretty good. The guys are wayyyyy more interesting than the girls--of the six, the only one I've never voted for is Anthony Fedorov. Of the girls, I've only voted for Carrie and Nadia. I thought Lindsey or Vonzell deserved to leave before Amanda, but I don't think ultimately it will make much difference.

tm

Is there anything I can bribe you with to convince you never to vote for Constansuck again? I'm afraid that if he keeps singing at me with the eyefucks, I'm going to end up carrying his little troll baby. You don't want that to happen, do you?

I hate him so much. Please, I promise not to vote for Tracheotomy-Boy if you promise not to vote for Eyefuck. Deal?

[Sidd Finch]

Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
My name is gwnc and I love my body.

Your avatar's doesn't suck, either.



(Note to dtb: When I realized that I had first typed that sentence without the all-important comma, I could only think of you. Sigh.)

[Gattigap]

Originally posted by Tyrone Slothrop
I liked Moneyball and all, but since people here only had nice things to say about the book, go ahead and read this op-ed by Moneyball's author. I'm surely at least half of the board will agree with my assessment of him.

2. His periodic LA Times column is bewildering, and too often NotFunny.

I have not read Moneyball, but the columns have pretty much put me off of the whole idea of trying it.

[robustpuppy]

Originally posted by barely_legal
Is there anything I can bribe you with to convince you never to vote for Constansuck again? I'm afraid that if he keeps singing at me with the eyefucks, I'm going to end up carrying his little troll baby. You don't want that to happen, do you?

I hate him so much. Please, I promise not to vote for Tracheotomy-Boy if you promise not to vote for Eyefuck. Deal?

I don't watch AI and I have never voted, but now that I know that bribes are on the table ... you know, I'd love to see you with a little troll of your own.

[Not Bob]

Originally posted by Tyrone Slothrop
I liked Moneyball and all, but since people here only had nice things to say about the book, go ahead and read this op-ed by Moneyball's author. I'm surely at least half of the board will agree with my assessment of him.

• How to Put Your Wife Out of Business

Am I wrong to read this as Swiftian satire?

[greatwhitenorthchick]

Originally posted by Not Bob
Am I wrong to read this as Swiftian satire?

That's how I read it at first. Then I thought, no, he's serious. But then, I thought that if you happen to be one of those women that is married to a man who wants to "bring home the bacon" like his dad, you probably knew that when you married him and you are probably very happy no longer in your high-powered career. So while his attitude is repugnant, where's the actual harm?

[Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)]

Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
you are probably very happy no longer in your high-powered career. So while his attitude is repugnant, where's the actual harm?

Moreover, it's tabitha soren. That career wasn't built to last anyway.

I guess the joke's on him--he fell ass-backwards into the result he thinks he plotted and executed to perfection.

But, yeah, the swiftian humor isn't so much.

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
That's how I read it at first. Then I thought, no, he's serious. But then, I thought that if you happen to be one of those women that is married to a man who wants to "bring home the bacon" like his dad, you probably knew that when you married him and you are probably very happy no longer in your high-powered career. So while his attitude is repugnant, where's the actual harm?

Well, except he advocates lying about shit and being superficially supportive of the wife's thoughts of going back to work, while actually undermining any attempts on her part to do so. I don't like mixed messages, particularly deliberately mixed messages.

I'm fucking never getting married.

[Flinty_McFlint]

Originally posted by ltl/fb
Well, except he advocates lying about shit and being superficially supportive of the wife's thoughts of going back to work, while actually undermining any attempts on her part to do so. I don't like mixed messages, particularly deliberately mixed messages.

I'm fucking never getting married.

I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.

[Replaced_Texan]

Pat Metheney on Kenny G. Probably can be expanded to a lot of commercially viable but not very good musicians.

[greatwhitenorthchick]

Originally posted by ltl/fb
Well, except he advocates lying about shit and being superficially supportive of the wife's thoughts of going back to work, while actually undermining any attempts on her part to do so. I don't like mixed messages, particularly deliberately mixed messages.

I'm fucking never getting married.

True. But people do that shit all the time, men and women. I grant you, he's an asshole. I think it just comes down to caveat emptor when considering marriage to anyone. My point was I don't think otherwise nice men are all of a sudden going to turn into nasty mixed-message senders because of something this guy says. You either are that kind of guy or you aren't.

Spoken like someone who has a clue about relationships.