Removing the feeding tube from our aging hipster plaid pants

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
I think I've recently become a de facto cat owner. A cat's been hanging out in my rosebed during the days, and it sticks around even when they dogs are out. Lord knows why, given that the dogs' very strong anti-cat feelings have been expressed in deed and word.

I may break down and get it some food. I'm already feeding the neighborhood squirrels and birds, though that's generally for the puppy's entertainment. She likes to chase birds.

I'm not sure, though, that I'd beat anyone to a bloody pulp for hurting the cat, but I express the same sentiments as above should anyone try to hurt either one of the dogs.

There is nothing lower than a person who'd harm a fucking animal, be it a cat, gerbil, lizard, whatever. I'd have no trouble at all caving in the side of such a person's head. I don't know why this gets me so incensed. I saw a kid kill a frog when I was little and flipped out on him (hit him with a golf club... just happened to be in my hand). Perhaps it a regressive flashback to that horror.

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
This is the first time you've thought about this? I've been longing for blissful ignorance since I was 16. I'm jealous of every labrador retriever I see.

Reconsider. Ignorance on the labrador retriever level can lead to repeat doses of ipecac and occassional trips to the vet (including one memorable thongectomy) because you never learn your lesson about the consequences of eating underwear, seran wrap, shoes, dead mice/squirrels, etc.

That said, I've never been as clueless or as happy as my freshman year of college.

[Oliver_Wendell_Ramone]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
No, I've always had a suspicion that folks in trailer parks were happier than me, swapping bits about Jerry Springer and Days of Our Lives, oblivious to the idiocy of everything around them. My chief beef at the moment is why I had to get fucked with a headful of frustration at everything I see. Its like the entire world is a mass of mediocre shit, a lemming parade, a fucking doomed petri dish of evolving mindless bacteria. I'm cool with the notion that life has no meaning. I just want the cool hand of ignorance to pluck the observant, analytical brain matter from my skull. I'm beginning to envy that Kennedy they lobotomized. She was probably amazed by cheese. I want that gig. I want to be excited about a new roof or gardening. I want to salivate over the latest TV Guide. Why can my neighbor coo about landscaping for hours while I count the minutes until cocktail hour? Eh, fuck it. Its all been said before. This intelligence thing is grossly overrated.

I have no interest in new roofs or gardening, and little patience for landscaping. I don't think I've picked up a TV Guide since grade school, and I'm already counting down to cocktail hour. That said, I am amazed by cheese.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
Some cat hunting should be okay.

Oh, I think it should be human hunting. The lines at 7/11 are already far too long.

[spookyfish]

Originally posted by NotFromHere
Didn't there used to be a ban on cosmetic surgery for these events? Does the Donald even care anymore?

It's kind of hard to tell from the distance, but that doesn't look like a bad nosejob to me.

[Replaced_Texan]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
There is nothing lower than a person who'd harm a fucking animal, be it a cat, gerbil, lizard, whatever. I'd have no trouble at all caving in the side of such a person's head. I don't know why this gets me so incensed. I saw a kid kill a frog when I was little and flipped out on him (hit him with a golf club... just happened to be in my hand). Perhaps it a regressive flashback to that horror.

One of the worst and most vivid memories of my childhood was watching a bunch of kids throwng frogs into an air conditioning compressor just for fun. Assholes didn't stop when I objected and made fun of me for having feelings for the frogs.

I imagine they're in jail now, or else moved up their torture up the evoluntionary chain.

[NotFromHere]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
No, I've always had a suspicion that folks in trailer parks were happier than me, swapping bits about Jerry Springer and Days of Our Lives, oblivious to the idiocy of everything around them. My chief beef at the moment is why I had to get fucked with a headful of frustration at everything I see.
Eh, fuck it. Its all been said before. This intelligence thing is grossly overrated.

Perhaps you should move to Story Indiana, there seems to be a force sucking the brains out of people there.

STORY, Ind. — The competition was fierce and foolish, but a man who accidentally sawed through a live electrical wire and topped that by wrecking his truck only hours after buying it earned the honorary title "Village Idiot."
Mark Carmichael's blunders won him the good-natured award that has been handed out for years in the tiny Brown County town of Story. The winner is whoever gets the most votes from regulars at the Story Inn's saloon.

Carmichael, 27, the inn's maintenance man, won in part for an incident in which he cut through a live wire while using a circular saw to replace the inn's galvanized steel roof. But he also damaged his just-purchased 1998 Dodge truck the day after he got it.

His foolishness earned him a $100 bar tab.

Rick Hofstetter, who owns the inn about 40 miles south of Indianapolis, said the competition for this year's award was fierce.

For example, two Story Inn regulars were nominated for knocking themselves unconscious while opening their car doors. Another was nominated for burning down his front porch after not fully extinguishing a cigarette.

Bartender Evan McMahon was nominated for opening an $80 bottle of Chalk Hill Chardonnay to make a $6.50 wine spritzer for a bar patron.

Not to be outdone, Story Inn housekeeper Kathy Newhall earned her nomination for using French truffle oil from the kitchen, which costs $50 for a 3-ounce bottle, to quiet a squeaky toilet seat.

[Oliver_Wendell_Ramone]

Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
There is nothing lower than a person who'd harm a fucking animal, be it a cat, gerbil, lizard, whatever. I'd have no trouble at all caving in the side of such a person's head. I don't know why this gets me so incensed. I saw a kid kill a frog when I was little and flipped out on him (hit him with a golf club... just happened to be in my hand). Perhaps it a regressive flashback to that horror.

Joining Paigs at the vegetarian table?

It's 9:40 in the morning, and I'm thinking about a porterhouse and a big cab. This can't be good.

[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by Oliver_Wendell_Ramone
Joining Paigs at the vegetarian table?

It's 9:40 in the morning, and I'm thinking about a porterhouse and a big cab. This can't be good.

Lord, no. I'm nothing if not a massive hypocrite.

[spookyfish]

Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
One of the worst and most vivid memories of my childhood was watching a bunch of kids throwng frogs into an air conditioning compressor just for fun. Assholes didn't stop when I objected and made fun of me for having feelings for the frogs.

I imagine they're in jail now, or else moved up their torture up the evoluntionary chain.

Either that, or they both became famous.

The three of you in happier days.

[sunnybunny]

Originally posted by Oliver_Wendell_Ramone
Joining Paigs at the vegetarian table?

It's 9:40 in the morning, and I'm thinking about a porterhouse and a big cab. This can't be good.

I don't care what she calls herself, Paigs is not a vegetarian, unless shrimp started growing on trees or something.



Sunny (ovo-lacto) Bunny

[Anne Elk]

Originally posted by sunnybunny
...including any domestic cat that isn't under the owner's direct control...

Since when do cat's listen to their owners?

[ltl/fb]

Originally posted by Anne Elk
Since when do cat's listen to their owners?

When the owners keep the doors and windows shut so that the cats don't go outside. Or have them confined to the backyard (yes, I know this isn't easy, but it can be done).

I don't think it's nice to shoot cats, but I also don't think it's nice to let your pet cat maul and kill birds. Buy the damn cat some insects.

[Tyrone Slothrop]

Originally posted by Shape Shifter
eta: Since this is turning into the vegetable board, I have something to share. I recently reviewed a resume from someone in the UK. In the "Interests" section, he wrote that he was "keen on gardening, with a special interest in growing unusual vegetables." I think I need a translator.

I once interviewed someone who listing "cooking with garlic." Which struck me as fantastic.

If I've just outed myself to anyone, let me know, 'kay?

[Shape Shifter]

On Alex Smith: "He had to cut the wind with his balls, which is something we had to see."

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/200...b.draft/1.html

I'd be interested in seeing that, too, in a bottle-knocking sort of way.