Quote:
Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Dude, there's a BYO place on the water in Philly where its full nude, spread agle, dudes crumpling up dollar bills and chucking them at the chicks. Its off the charts. Its not so much a strip club as a place to wander thru and remark to yourself "Fuck, my life ain't that bad."
How bad does it have to get to find yourself jacking off in booth in a byo porn shop/club? I'd just start shooting heroin and get it all over with before I sunk to that gig.
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I got dragged to one of those the night before I got married. I had gotten trashed at the reheasal dinner and passed out almost fully dressed on the couch. My friends stormed in around 2 and carried me to the car. When I started to come around, I noticed I didn't have my wallet or my shoes. My friends laughed and said that I wouldn't need a wallet or shoes.
I gingerly walked across the gravel parking lot of this all night, all nude, BYOB strip joint and stepped up to the window. The guy asked for my ID, and I explained to him that I was getting married the next day and had been abducted without a chance to grab my wallet or my shoes. He asked me to step back, pointed a flashlight down at my feet, and waved me in.
A place next door sold beer in buckets. Not buckets filled with ice and bottled beer, but draft beer poured directly into a bucket. The BYOB place provided pitchers that miraculously held the same amount of beer as the buckets.
There are many places and times where I think shoes are an absolute necessity -- mowing the lawn comes to mind -- and an all night, all nude, BYOB strip club is one of those places. Not wanting to think about what I was walking on, I grabbed a seat at the nearest table. Thankfully, it was a comfortable distance from the stage.
The dancers were hideous. They were fucked up to the point of barely being able to stand, obviously desperate for the few crumpled singles guys would throw to the stage, and not in the least visually appealing, the sort of dancers where you want to shout, "Put it back on and sit down."
My friends and I sat there awkwardly, not wanting to make eye contact with each other, the other patrons, and definitely not the entertainment. Finally, one said, "Uh, Shape, we were going to get you some lapdances and stuff, but I don't think we can do this to you." We left without even finishing the bucket.
It was a horrible evening, and the next morning, I regretted the sleep that it cost me. And I miss those socks *sniff*. They served me well.
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